After I filed papers in the first company, I was doing better everyday, but I had the stress about finding a job again. When I took a month’s break, I was doing better. When I joined the next job, I was excited to finally start the working again. But that year I lost a lot of friendships, it was some 25-30 friends that I cut off. And if you include normal friends, work colleagues and old work colleagues, the count had was 60.
First month in that job was fine. I had also learnt to manage energetic boundaries with toxic people. Whatever happened in 2018, gave me clarity that I’m an empath and I need to learn how to set boundaries. But soon they started bullying me. And then I started feeling the depression again. It was a different issue but everything reminded me of the past, that I was trying to get away from. Everyday I used to ask myself why are these people jealous of me? I have nothing left, my love is gone, then the humiliation that I faced with harassment. Everyday coming back from office, all I could think about was the last year. I had so much anxiety that I was hiding. All the time I would keep shrinking inside and no one would even get a clue. I had slowly started hating the city. Big cities and selfish people. Generally, people block their heart chakra after heartbreak in romantic relationships, but mine got blocked because of the harassment.
My psychic abilities also started getting activated. I already knew what intuition is. But I didn’t know a thing about Psychics and Psychic abilities. I just remembered a TV show that I used to watch in childhood, that guy had the gift of hearing, clairaudience. So I thought something fimilar is happening to me. I knew about intuition because of spirituality and meditation that I had learnt by that time. But I felt something wierd is happening to me.
Finally after giving heads up for the HR investigation. Same day I requested for a counseling session. According to my perspective at that time, I was going for therapy to prove that I’m not crazy. I did not have the fear of getting mental health help like others. But I was defensive about it because other people played with my self-esteem for 1.5 year and tried to make me feel like I’m crazy.
Finally I had an online therapy session and first time I got to see how therapy actually works, looking at the questions they ask, I understood that I need to back iny childhood. First session just gave me the understanding of it and my second session helped my gain my motivation and hope back. I was so exhausted by the bad experiences and constant betrayals, one after the other. I was able to cope by myself after the first bad experience, my break up. I took a break to cope with the second bad experience. But by the third time, I didn’t have any reserves left to cope with it. Therapy was like the catalyst that I needed. It helped me cope with my anxiety.
I started making gratitude list frequently, listening to happy music, working on my sleep pattern, started noticing my eating disorder that I was slowly getting into because of my depression. The month of May was the most difficult, I was being bullied and retraumatized. I started taking therapy in June. Because of the HR investigation, things became more hostile at work before it calmed down. But still, by the end of July I was able to balance myself.
In August, they didn’t give me much work. So once my old tasks were finished, I started exploring. My sister came to meet me and stayed in my place for a month, it was a huge emotional and mental support for me. I felt so alone for a long time. I took a vacation for travelling and went to Goa with my sister. It was an awesome trip. I finally got to breathe fresh air and environment change that was much needed. After coming back, I started creating better and happy memories in each corner of Bangalore that I did not like. I also started posting about makeup and beauty again.
In September they again gave me the P.I.P to prove that it’s my technical, managerial and communication skills that are lacking, not the bullying. Initially I felt stressed, it reminded me of the last P.I.P. in previous job, retraumatization again I took one more session. I realised that I may or may not pass the test, but I should try my best. I need to face my fears by taking action. So I focused on work, in the first week itself most of my important tasks were complete. I felt relieved and finished my work as soon as I could. They don’t know I finished my work already 😉. I had finished it one week in advance but I wanted rest so I submitted it two days before the deadline and even that was intemidating for them.
In October I came home for diwali vacation to meet my parents. When I met my family after my own therapy, it helped my family also understand each other in a better way. My therapy was like therapy for my family as well. We all started understanding each other in a better way, I knew the meaning of boundaries now, so being able to set my boundaries and watching my family accept my new boundaries, really improved my self-esteem. I didn’t have any big family issues, but we were all naive when it comes to boundaries, a bunch of overgivers. Lack of boundaries makes everything unbalanced. I had manifested harmony in my family with my inner work. By the time I went back that Narcissistic manager changed his job and left our company. So I was able to blend with the team and my work performance was also good after the P.I.P.
Everything was fine. Finally in November I had a sudden dark night of soul. When I was thinking about my future, if should change the job or not, if I should leave IT or not. I didn’t know what’s happening with me, so I took one more therapy session That was the time when my Twinflame’s higher self started connecting with me through tarot, first his healing words helped me work on my trauma. Finally my core wounds had come to surface and I was healing, day by day. My throat chakra finally healed, which I had blocked after the traumatic experiences. I was feeling joy after a long time, I could not understand what’s happening to me. So I called my therapist again, she said it’s okay, I don’t need to overthink when I feel happy. It means I was finally healing, coming out of my trauma and feeling alive again. My Psychic abilities started becoming clearer. Soon I started finding readings on my YouTube homepage, about being a lightworker and that for my life purpose I need to leave the job. At that time I only knew that I’m meant to be a leader and I will inspire others by sharing my story. Finally all my trauma and bad experiences started making sense to me. I knew everything happened for a purpose, so that I can become a healer and heal others. I was always a natural healer but I never realised the extent of it. I found the silver lining behind all the pain that I had to go through and I was ready to find out more about my existence.
I wanted a break from this life where I was always overworked. I felt like I have lost the touch with myself in last 5.5 years that I spent working in IT. I wanted to experience freedom again. The awakening made me break free from limiting beliefs. When I gained my confidence back, first thing I wanted to do was to work on my blog. So I decided to take a break from 9 to 5 and focus only on my blog for sometime. Everyone knows what happened next.
People think I wasn’t happy then, but I found the love for myself back since that time. It was July 2019, when my heart chakra started healing. I was a recovering codependent empath since September 2018. That’s why they got more hostile when they saw me talking about boundaries. I was just observing people if they will be able to accept my new boundaries, or try to violate them or just disappear. That’s why I didn’t cutoff people completely, those who I had hope for that they will grow with me. But in last two years and specially the lockdown, showed me how many people were willing to be there for me, rarely anyone called me or checked up on me, which is why I have a close circle now. I was a recovered codependent empath when I met my Twinflame. I became super empath who could fight back for herself. People might have misunderstood me, that I will always come back begging, just because I was observing them to see if they are going to change or not. It’s been two years since I even stopped waiting for them to change.