A letter to people from my past who shamed me that it’s my karma – 2

So I have been posting about how starseeds make soul contracts to be abused or struggle for first half of their life. Because to overcome it, they have to heal themselves and do shadow work. This way they become healers and explore their innate gifts and later they can teach about healing techniques and shadow work to others, second half of their life.

I have also been posting about how universe uses karma to temper stubborn people who resist change and awakening, to make surrender to healing and inner work and ascension.

But honestly I do not think it was my karma at all, even in past. Otherwise those people won’t be getting any of their karma back right.


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A letter to people from my past

Everyone knows how much I have been through but I am finally learning to completely forgive people who did wrong to me. Except those who don’t respect women and I have still not found a reason to forgive harassers. It’s a crime and it will be.

I walked away from all of you. Some of you are still the same, some of you learnt the lesson and changed, some of you have finally started to self reflect, some of you regret how you hurt me, some of you regret all your past actions and how you kept hurting people, some of you want to restart your life from zero, some of you learnt to work on yourself when you saw me choosing myself over anything.

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What you have is a boundary or a wall?

Boundaries should be there to protect us, but it should not be a wall. Boundaries are where you define what works and what doesn’t work for you in a relationship. But some people forget boundaries, and use walls.

Walls come from the fear of abandonment, rejection, childhood wounds or past hurt. They make you closed off with a block in the heart chakra. Your wounds don’t let you show the real you, vulnerable you to those you love. Yes, you can still love but you just won’t express it. Because you are emotionally closed off.

Some people, because of child abuse they learnt it very early in life, to never let their guard down, because they don’t feel safe. Wounds make you fear that, if someone saw the real you, they might leave you. But how would you know, until you try.

You need to find the right people, who respect your boundaries and be open with them.

I know someone could still have fears, but let me tell you something. I am an empath, I know how the smallest things can hurt us and that’s why we need to let people know what hurts us, otherwise, they will never know. But at the same time, I don’t keep myself closed off with people who I love and care for. Those who care back for me and allow a safe space for me to open up, know all parts of me.

So what you have is a wall or a boundary?  Being a lightworker I am always reminded to first protect my own energy and then be giving to someone else. To protect yourself and to feel safe, you need people who make you feel accepted when you show your vulnerability. To protect yourself does not mean to always keep a mask on, so that nobody would ever hurt you.

People who have been through abuse need a lot of compassion from their loved ones. We need to make them feel safe. They deserve to hear it from us that “we don’t care what people did to them in the past, we just want to know the real them and love their real self”.

And when they open up, we need to have Empathy. Child abuse plays with your head, sometimes they would blame themselves for things that they weren’t even responsible for. We need to show them what love is.

Before you do anything externally, accept your loved ones for who they are, the real them.

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How to deal with Depression

When someone is in depression, the first thing they need to do is get their physical health in good condition. Physical and mental health are related to each other. Here I want to talk about some common things, adding negative effects of alcohol and the importance of going for the therapy.

  1. You need to leave any type of alcohol, drugs or addictions.
  2. Have a healthy sleep pattern, listen to calming music.
  3. Start exercising, meditating, meditation can also help you with grief.
  4. Avoid unhealthy eating habits like too much sugar, too much oil. Hormones which affect feelings of happiness and sadness, go into balance because of depression, and when you don’t eat right it further increases the problem. You can start having an issue like diabetes, thyroid, which further causes hormonal imbalances and that’s how depression becomes a difficult ailment to deal with.
  5. Make a gratitude list every day, this helps you stop feeling as if life’s no good.
  6. Have daily positive affirmations about yourself.
  7. Talk to a friend, share your issues with your family. I know some people are actually insensitive enough to not understand your condition and that’s what scares you. But it doesn’t mean there are no people who know what listening to shame means. Learn to talk to the right people about your problems.
  8. Journaling, write down your thoughts every day. Once it’s out on paper, it’s out of your mind too. You don’t have to think the same thing over and over again.
  9. Get fresh air, travel, take a vacation for yourself, sometimes watch refreshing movies, relax.
  10. Have some hobbies to keep yourself busy and relaxed, or do something you love to make yourself happy.
  11. Focus on self-care and self-love.
  12. When you are in depression, you can lose a sense of boundaries, some people become exploitative and some become suppressed. So have a clear mind about what behaviours you want to have and what behaviours you don’t.
  13. Get a regular health check if possible, sometimes multivitamins can help. When I started changing my eating habits, my body was resisting so having multivitamins only for 20 days helped me a lot. I could feel the difference in my health.
  14. Don’t try to escape your problems, with too much work, too much alcohol, too much gaming, too much dating, too many movies, too many desserts, toxic positivity etc.
  15. Last but not least, get a therapist. Therapy really helps you identify your issues and work through them. A listening counsellor can actually help you with your shadow work. You do not need to worry about how they will treat you, it’s a therapist’s job to make you feel comfortable to talk about your problems. They do it gradually over sessions, slowly trying to help you see your problems, just like peeling layers of an Onion, one by one.

In psychology, there is a term “transference”. When you talk to a therapist, even surround yourself with wise people. You learn emotionally healthy behaviours, setting boundaries and decision making through how they deal with their problems. That’s why getting therapy always works. You learn a lot of rational thinking behaviours from your therapist too. Choose a good therapist, you can easily search online and find a therapist with good ratings. A right therapist will try their best to not put you on unnecessary medicines.

Some people are unaware but depressed for their whole life, because they were never taught – how to regulate their emotions and thoughts. May be these facts will help you understand the importance of having good emotional intelligence.

P.S. I was dealing with depression myself, till a few months back. And I tried to share everything that I learnt with my depression. Please give it a read and share across. If not you, someone around you could be dealing with it. Awareness is all it takes.

Please like, comment, share and let me know if it helped you. Don’t forget to follow my blog for more such posts.

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May be someday, you will have to forgive yourself, for not forgiving others.

Think.

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Why HEALING is Important?

Healing means to clear all your past wounds and start fresh. Wounds of trauma, probably abuse, violence, shame etc.

It’s important because only after healing yourself you can reach your full potential, find true bliss and enjoy life everyday. You might say that you don’t have any trauma, you don’t have a bad past, but there can be many subconscious wounds that you are not aware of.

If you find yourself doing 5 minute rule for texting, pretending that you are busy, living for people’s approval, feeling over burdened by life, lashing out someone’s anger on someone else, using silent treatments, getting triggered by any online posts, triggered by interacting with people, there is something that requires healing. If you are conflict avoidant, having commitment issues, anger issues, all of it can be healed.

There are so many subconscious fears and societal programming in everyone’s mind that come to surface whenever anything drastic happens in their life. So do you want to wait till that moment when everything comes to surface altogether and bursts into anxiety or you want to go inwards and work on yourself now so that you are always ready to take a difficult situation and transform it into calmer waters.

Those who know that they faced some trauma, they know how it is to feel broken. And only healing can help you bring yourself together again. When you heal yourself, you won’t have to feel broken. I tried healing myself and it happened one day, one day I stopped feeling broken. It can happen for you too. If I can do it, you can do it too. I won’t ask you to have hope, but I can assure you that it works.

Healing can take you towards enlightenment, it introduces you to a high vibrational way of living.

If you liked this post, follow me for regular posts about healing. We will look at the spiritual perspective of healing, how it works and step to heal yourself.

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To fight or not to fight!

Let’s talk about why taking a stand is important and why it matters to me.

Do you wonder, being an empath and a spiritual person, why do I always talk about haters. There’s not a single person in my followers who leave a negative comment or hate. My haters are only people who I had to deal with in my own life. I took a stand and some hate me for that. Some hate me for “what does she think of herself”. Some hate me for showing them their wounds. Some hate me because I did not take the abuse they were trying to throw on me. Some hate me because I come out stronger everytime. Some hate me thinking that I put hurdles in their easy going life. Some hate me because they blame me for their own issues.

But was it really me who was the source of their pain? Or people do it to themselves. When humans get so overtaken by their ego, that they start to think they can play God. They do all he things they should not and so Karma hits them back. There would be people who are busy hating on me, still reading this post, like someone invited them to read.

People hate me for shaking the system. But what if today I am a target and tomorrow it could be you, someone else more powerful than you could come and crush you like anything. Don’t like that feeling right.

It’s written in Bhagvat Geeta that “No-one can decide your Dharma, only you can”.
The thing you could not stand and what happened to you personally, to stop that thing completely should be your purpose. Because nobody knows tomorrow how many people will be killed for it, only because you did not raise your voice. Geeta is about peace but it also teaches us when to be silent and when not to be.

There’s one thing called collective Karma, you saw something wrong happen, but did nothing about it. Yes, someone else was getting credit for doing it, but sometimes indifference means support. ( Psychologically that’s the bi-stander effect, tomorrow you can be the target too.)

I chose my Dharma. If it was not me, it would be someone else some other day. Truth does not change, only who speaks it and when.

And maybe there’s one thing that people don’t know about me, which causes the problem. Just like Arjuna felt guilty fighting the war, even I do. (Not trying to compare myself to someone, but just trying to show you how it can feel.) It took me time to forgive myself and this was my lesson.” to fight or not to fight, nothing brings peace. You have to find it inside yourself”. I did not fight once and regretted it, so I fought the next time and still found regret.

I felt guilty for fighting against people who were my culprits. Why? I am an empath, that’s my core. I can’t see anyone in pain, but I learnt to forgive myself and let people learn their lessons, I can not save everyone. So I chose to choose my Dharma. They also tried to guilt-trip me, but I was aware, I felt guilty only for my own reasons.

But am I going to stop taking a stand? No, but I would try to do it in a better way. By being my authentic self, I will make people self-reflect and show them the light. I will bring more people to this journey of self-reflection, but my purpose remains same.

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How to Thrive from Abuse | For Empaths

This is a series of posts that I published on my Facebook page earlier. These are same video channels and concepts that helped me while I was dealing with abusers, coming out of it and healing. I will be happy if it can help even one person out there, because I know how horrible it makes you feel. Please bear with me if the writing is not that high quality in this post, because my focus is only on sharing the knowledge. It is mostly for sensitive people, codependents or Empaths, to learn how to deal with Narcissists or Narcissistic people. This process may take several months, go through each point one by one, I think to go through each of the YouTube channels week by week would be better.

1. Learn to speak up right


Let’s start our training with first being a pro at communication at work.
Dan O Connor’s YouTube channel is the best for that. Sometimes I wonder why this guy is not super popular yet. Really good at this work.

https://youtu.be/oEWhhEUP6WQ

So to save you from any kind of issues, conflicts and bullying you need to be most professional, not including your personal life at work saves you from a lot of shit.

I used to not have boundaries and hence an open person, so personal stuff goes out and troubles come in. Sometimes I was closed off but my blog did the work of revealing my personal life. Learn to keep your communication straight, so people know you can not be marked as an easy target.

About me, I am good. I have learnt a lot from my mistakes and I know how to deal with things. People know I’m not be messed up with anymore. About work, juggling two things at a time does create problems, but it becomes more if you work in a toxic environment. India it’s more, because people don’t want to kind their own work. Always choose the right company with right environment for yourself.

P.S. Indian corporate system could be improved like anything, if we all had professional communication trainings as a part of our studies or workshops. If everyone works on these things, there will be noone to taken as target and no one who is a bully. Because everyone knows the right ethical way to work. This could make everyone so productive. Yes, bullies with any kind of psychological problems can also be trained for regulated/controlled behaviour.

2. How to deal with toxic people

This is the method to Taichi away a toxic argument with any abusive person.

You can do this for the other person also, sometimes even Narcissists go into decompensating state, not arguing but highly unstable state, mostly after you show them the mirror. I used to repeat pure, loveful, peaceful, strong and powerful soul for them too. Without giving away my power, I could sometimes calm down the other person also. Why to pray for an abusive person? It’s beneficial for both people in the situation, plus you are only earning some good Karma.

https://youtu.be/oEWhhEUP6WQhttps://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=Dc_ZOjt0QFA

I use one more technique, which I learnt from Brahmakumaris, if you know Rajyoga, it’s pretty easy. Imagine yourself as a point of light in your forehead between the eyebrows, and repeat I am a pure loveful peaceful soul.

I love Meredith Miller’s channel, learnt quite a few things from here. Her work is simple and easy to understand, plus doesn’t get you addicted to binge-watching videos on Narcissism. Her content is always on point.

3. Let’s make it a bit lighter


I love Sacha Slone’s all videos.. she is awesome, makes it so light-hearted. When I was being abused watching her videos was always kinda making me happy again. She always reminds that you have power in all situations and to not give your power away. After all, an educated empath is a Narcissist’s biggest nightmare.
Yup, I am saying that I am the biggest nightmare in some people’s life, even after being a lightworker. Coz that’s what I am meant to be, I show them the mirror they don’t want to see. What else could bring the change?

https://youtu.be/uhRyH2B41xI

I remember one video about “how to have fun with your Narcissist”. Don’t try it if you know that it could bring you more trouble if backfired. But I did try to test if my perception of someone being a Narcissist is correct or not… it worked. After facing so many Narcs it’s not that difficult for me to figure out who is who.. and since I have healthy boundaries now, some toxic people who want to put in the effort, I still do talk to them. Because I set clear expectations like if they do this or that, I will not take it and it will be over. That’s what I mean by training a toxic person to have the right behaviour towards me.

“You always teach people how to treat you, by how you treat yourself.” Don’t let people treat you like shit, don’t reward the behaviour, otherwise they create a perception that you are meant to be treated like this.

Just always respect yourself first, always love yourself first. Set boundaries, don’t give your power away. Don’t keep accepting wrong behaviour from people just to avoid confrontation or to avoid hurting someone.

This video is about how Narcissists make themselves look like a victim. Because actually they do twist the reality in their head, that’s what their disorder is all about. Even intelligent people can get fooled, because they cannot sense the lies. How can you catch the lie, if the other person believed it’s actually true. So Narcissist go around, smearing about you to everyone, that you are a bad person. And then you see the backlash from everyone, not only the Narcissist, without knowing what happened. Hence Narcissistic abuse don’t always come from only one person. But actually from a group of people. Which is called scapegoating, I was scapegoated hell lot of times, being lightworker. Scapegoating means to project insecurities of everyone of a group on a single person.

I put this video intentionally so people realise what I was facing who were in the dynamic of being turned against me by a Narcissist. Everyone must have heard that I am fake, when I am not.

4. Work on your fears

After working on all the things in my life, changing perspective about my career, my relationships, my health. Coming out of depression when all the problems were finally over. This was the last fear that I had to face.


This is from Candace van Del’s channel. I love all of her videos. When it comes to working on fears, you may generally be thinking about the fear of failure, rejection or betrayal. But there so many fears that anyone can have at the subconscious level. So here’s a list of few :
Fear of abandoned, fear of being trapped, fear of not being heard, not being seen, fear of annihilation, fear of death, fear of rejection, fear of betrayal, fear of the unknown, fear of being different, fear of being called crazy, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being judged, fear of being laughed at. And the last one fear of abandonment and enmeshment.

https://youtu.be/T-LBeHVhvMA

I knew and understood everything how my subconscious programming made me to hide my authentic self. But I was still scared to show the real me to the world. I had a fear of –
“If I show the original me, will I have to loose all the people in my life who I love. But if I don’t do that then I will have to keep living the same old life and it would suffocate me again”

Sit was more like fear of being left out in the cold for shining my light. So I understood how my mind is trying to trick me to not step into the greater possibilities out of fear. And I chose to work through it. And I feel everyone can see the change in me.

Conclusion- only way to work on fears is to just identify that this is a kind of fear that I have. After you address it. It will still come out the next time you face the same situation, but you will tell yourself that “no, this is just a fear. I want to do new things and explore, with hope.” That’s all you need to do and you will notice the fear itself will leave after one or two strikes.

5. Empaths in Recovery

This guy’s channel is great for recovering empaths..

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=tb6pxGK6mF8

This was the only place where I learnt how my nervous system needs to calm down first and then my mind can.

Just recommending it for any Empaths or highly sensitive people.

6. Codependency recovery & Self-love abundance

So if you have been following the last 5 posts. Now you would be at the right state of mind to learn about this one. Ross Rosenberg has created a definite approach for codependency recovery.

What is codependency? If you are an empath, there might be a slight chance that you also deal with this. It’s more like a trait, not a disorder. It’s just that you depend on other people’s opinion of you, you choose to be with abusive people than being alone, people-pleasing, always keep others above yourself on the priority list.

https://youtu.be/mMPaKJfrZrA

This happens because most of the empaths, do not have boundaries. And because of their empathy, they think other people are also as good as them. But that’s not the reality, abusive/toxic people use your Empathy against you to manipulate you. And day by day they hit at your self-respect, self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence. So if you do not learn to love yourself first, being an empath you are always going to get stuck in this dynamic. This is why Empaths attract Narcissists around them, once you are healed Narcissists can still come around. But their behaviour will piss you off quite fast, you cannot stand someone stepping on your boundaries.

Empaths can be of three types healthy, codependent or proud helpers (Abdul Saab’s channel). The proud helper has a good probability to move towards codependency. When I started learning about spirituality, empathy all these things, I made helping people my purpose, which still is. But I did not do it the right way, so I moved towards codependency. Then I had to cut off all those people who were toxic and had to set boundaries, learn to say NO again, learn to keep myself first be again. Kept practising this and I was out of depression too. The process took only 4-5 months (not 1-1.5 years as mentioned in the video, I feel you can transform very fast when you are spiritual, or maybe the psychologist just wanted to keep the timeline very general) to make myself better and later all was just gaining my complete confidence back.

Including this channel with all other video channels that I have shared, will do the work. You will have a complete guide to recover from any type of issues, especially if you are a sensitive person.

It is very useful content, quite useful for Indians, as in India we treat codependency as a value. Which should not be the case, it doesn’t bring you happiness. When you move from self-love deficiency to self-love abundance, you heal, you become happy, you enjoy mutual relationships and live a happy life. You stop caring about anyone else is going to think, all you think about is what makes you happy. ☺️

P.S. I am proud to say that I am a healed & empowered empath. We are called super empaths & we know how to use our gifts for humanity.

This was the first series, I will probably add one more on confidence coaching & self-love on how to become confident again after abuse.

Thank you for reading it till the end. If you have any queries, let me know in the comment section.

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You are not your PAST

This one actually I realised over time. People still try to see me as the person I was a year back or two years back or three years back. Sometimes even five to ten years back. I try to tell them that I have changed. It feels like I have been changing everyday, this is how a self-improvement journey looks like. You keep improving and there’s no end to it, there is always so much to explore about life.

Let’s take this the other way. I first thought of sharing my past on the blog and then I feel like there’s no need because people need to know the new me that I am now, not the old me. I have completely changed and this new person is so much better than what she used to be. I feel proud of her. I respect the old one because she fought through all of her struggles and never gave up. My past made me the person I am now, so I accept it. But now I am totally different.

There’s one more side of this coin. Sometimes we keep living in the sorrow of what happened years back and don’t realise how much time has passed by. Everyone needs to pull themselves back into the present. Life is always about the present, not about the past or future.

Don’t let your past define you. Your self-worth is not dependent on it. Always pull yourself back from the past, into the present.


Today is not the same as yesterday.
Tomorrow will not be the same as today.

Thank you for reading it till the end. If you have any queries, let me know in the comment section.

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