Life is a journey. Some days you are gonna meet people who share the same path as you. Some days you are gonna meet people who don’t.
Some days you enjoy the present, some other days you plan the future, some days you miss the past.
Some days you will find the life to be very easy, other days to be so tough that you want to give up. It’s always going to be two steps forward, one step backwards.
That’s me in 2012, on my Birthday. Second-year in my college. We always had exams around my B’day but they always give 1-2 days gape between each, so I managed to celebrate it with my friends.
I studied very hard to get into a job because that time only a few would get placement in my college. I was studying electronics engineering but developed an interest in C programming by the end of the first year. In the third and fourth year, I used to go to so many coaching, twice a day after 7 hours of college. I learnt everything, programming, algorithms, microprocessors, PLCs, even tried to do preparation for GATE Examination.
Sometimes I feel I didn’t enjoy that much as my other classmates. I did get placement into an IT company, but by that time I just wanted to go for GATE/IES. But I didn’t have confidence in myself if I will be able to concentrate on study for more years. So I decided to go for an IT job because everyone said that since I love programming and I also got a job, I should.
I do regret my decisions sometimes. Out of 5 years, the last 2 years were tough as hell. Not because I didn’t know my work, but because people wanted to prove that I somehow don’t know it. I was overworked, in toxic environments. It even started affecting my health.
It took me time to accept that I am also an artistic person and can give it a try as a career. I always thought I don’t have that in me and so I wasted time in a wrong career. Last year I started to think if I want to take a job in a small city like Mysore or just give up after one more year. Came out of depression and everything exploded, I could not wait any longer to pursue my passion.
You will often hear me saying “ki I was in a wrong career for 5.5 years, I heard engineer is a creative career so I chose it. And isi bat pe sabse jyada kata hai life mein”. Jokes apart, in those 5 years I learnt so much on a personal level and a lot of skills too, looks like I was in a wrong career for a reason.
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Day by day when I am learning who I am. I am just opening up to a new world full of energy.
I wrote this poem to express it.
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I have been working on myself very hard for 3 years now and I feel it’s time to open up. I have been writing in a lot of posts that I know who I am. It’s going to be a big post but starting is more important.
I am an EMPATH. Empath is a personality type, it’s not a psychological problem, it’s actually how a person’s body and mind is structured to the level of DNA and neurons. We have heightened level of empathy, we can feel other people’s emotions in our body as of our own. Feeling other’s energies introduces sensitivity to sound, big crowdy places, heat, negative people, any kind of violence and toxic environments. It also comes with a gift of creativity and capability to heal myself and others.
I am not an exception, I know and have connected with so many creative people and youtubers who are also are also empaths. I here most of them saying that it’s just that an empath is different, but I see it as being extra ordinary (because I feel it’s time to introduce the Highly sensitives in this world as powerful and not weak). All empaths are very kind, never want to do anything wrong. Empaths are kind, generous, giving, caring but sometimes they do it at the cost of their own happiness.
Most of the empaths have strong intuition in childhood, growing up they learn to fit in the society and suppress their intuition and creativity as well. Sometimes we grow up feeling odd one out and with self-doubt of being crazy. Because we don’t know that the emotions that we feel are other people’s. Feeling anger, criticism, anxiety of everyone around is messy.
It’s very important for Empaths to be aware of what they are. Otherwise they spend most of their life in a limbo, in nihilism. We attract abusers, bullies and energy vampires because we are able to generate our own energy and we have a light because of our goodness. Our light is what attracts more abuse, being sensitive increases the affect of abuse on an empath than on any other type of person.
I have been working on myself and learnt a lot of things about myself. When empath are educated they are more powerful, strong and abuse-free. I have started becoming an empowered empath and rather than being scared of other people’s energies, now I enjoy being me.
Self love is the only thing which saves every empath from a lot of things. It makes us empowered and in control of our emotions. Not only I practice self-love, but it has also become my essence now.
I don’t see being sensitive as a flaw, it makes me different. I feel sensitive to nature, animals, children and people in need and want to help them. Which I don’t thing is a negative quality. My sensitivity brings me so many blessings.
I was waiting for the right time to share this with people, because I needed to be in an empowered state before sharing it. I know there is a chance of people reacting negatively to this. But now I am ready to deal with it.
I have also been going through an spiritual awakening since the time a completely accepted that I am an empath. First it was like an emotional awakening, when I remembered my deep self that I have been hiding. I learnt to love myself, to admire my own uniqueness, to appreciate myself for coming out strong through so many things. Then suddenly all my unconscious fears started coming up, I learnt that it is the “dark knight of the soul” phase that I am going through. Where all my qualities that were suppressed and all the fears that were introduced to me by my surroundings/society. After working on most of them and the big fears, I started blossoming and being happy. It was a feeling of bliss which I had never experienced.
Next I found myself changing psychologically, creatively and in every aspect of my life. Now I just be myself and get in flow with life. It’s like I am blossoming, and sometimes it gets scary because it’s new to me. But it’s still an expansion for me. I am becoming what I was meant to be and I am happy about it.
I am still a work in progress and still do get more realisations every now and then. I still have a lot to explore about myself and life. Sharing my journey with the world is also a part of loving myself unconditionally and fearlessly.
Thanks for bearing through this long post.
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The Pretty Smart Techie 