Boundaries should be there to protect us, but it should not be a wall. Boundaries are where you define what works and what doesn’t work for you in a relationship. But some people forget boundaries, and use walls.
Walls come from the fear of abandonment, rejection, childhood wounds or past hurt. They make you closed off with a block in the heart chakra. Your wounds don’t let you show the real you, vulnerable you to those you love. Yes, you can still love but you just won’t express it. Because you are emotionally closed off.
Some people, because of child abuse they learnt it very early in life, to never let their guard down, because they don’t feel safe. Wounds make you fear that, if someone saw the real you, they might leave you. But how would you know, until you try.
You need to find the right people, who respect your boundaries and be open with them.
I know someone could still have fears, but let me tell you something. I am an empath, I know how the smallest things can hurt us and that’s why we need to let people know what hurts us, otherwise, they will never know. But at the same time, I don’t keep myself closed off with people who I love and care for. Those who care back for me and allow a safe space for me to open up, know all parts of me.
So what you have is a wall or a boundary? Being a lightworker I am always reminded to first protect my own energy and then be giving to someone else. To protect yourself and to feel safe, you need people who make you feel accepted when you show your vulnerability. To protect yourself does not mean to always keep a mask on, so that nobody would ever hurt you.
People who have been through abuse need a lot of compassion from their loved ones. We need to make them feel safe. They deserve to hear it from us that “we don’t care what people did to them in the past, we just want to know the real them and love their real self”.
And when they open up, we need to have Empathy. Child abuse plays with your head, sometimes they would blame themselves for things that they weren’t even responsible for. We need to show them what love is.
Before you do anything externally, accept your loved ones for who they are, the real them.
Till the day you give in to your fears or act according to your wounds, it’s attachment. The day you break free, it becomes love, because before that it’s all about ME, ME, ME.
It’s about yourself because you want the other person to adjust for you, you want the other person to wait for you till you complete your other priorities, you want society to understand your love before loving who you claim to love. Sometimes you don’t even want to confess your love because you are afraid of rejection, it will hurt your ego. You want the other person to understand, you want the other person to compromise, you want to be right, you want them to make you feel safe against your own insecurities, you want them to love you first, so that you won’t have to step up, so that you don’t have to fight your insecurities on your own. You don’t want to see them happy with anyone else you leave them alone anyway.
You want them to wait so that you can clear all other things in your life, before you give them back. You claim you want to bring balance, but for that also you want the other person to be patient and do your job. Where’s the balance now? You have all these high expectations of them, but what about their basic needs.
Till the day everything is about yourself, it’s attachment, it’s not love. Love does not give in to fears, love is not selfish. Love frees, love teaches love, but it also teaches to fight against everything else, all barriers, to keep that love by your side. Love does not want something in return, it surrenders.
When your love becomes unconditional, it becomes free, free of opinions, free of limitations, free of fears, free of everything else. Once everyone can see it’s unconditional, no opinion can interfere anyway. It becomes free, it surrenders. True love is surrender to the feeling of love and to the one you love.
When humanity becomes so unconscious that angelic/pure souls have to come here to help them. They even try to take out their own pain on pure souls. The ones who came here to help, are abused here. I mean all of us Lightworkers could have stayed there in a place, where all souls are awake, joyful and happy. Free thinkers are made to suffer here, because they are not as limited as others, so they try to limit us.
Everyone who comes to me attracted by the light, the lightworker energy, they try to project their wounds on me. I watch and say nothing, because I somewhere feel bad for them, someone who is not even at the first stage of healing, of accepting what their wounds are. I can’t tell them that it’s not my wound, I am in my complete power and the wound is their own. I stay silent because I know more, more than they think I know. And they still think I am the crazy one.
Sometimes I question, did I really have to come here to help, those who do not even try to be deserving to get that help. And then I again only feel bad for them, that this is the lowest level they could be at and so I make a choice to stay here and keep helping. People don’t know one thing that starseeds can break the contract with the universe any time of coming here and go back to where they belong. They only stay here to absorb the pain & darkness present here and transmute it into the light.
When someone tries to make me cry, to take their own stuff out on me. I say nothing. I watch, I watch. I watch everything happen and my heart cries to see them in pain everytime but I say nothing. I watch, I watch.
P.S. My third eye chakra has been activated for quite sometime, and now my Clair-cognizance is coming into fruition ( psychic knowing). It’s tough to see all the pain, I always did see it, now it’s more clear.
I keep mentioning about cord cutting, so I thought of explaining how it works.
You can meditate on your own or choose a guided meditation. Guided meditations are mostly about cutting the cord, but some people suggest to do a cord removal and not to just cut it. So I usually take guided meditations and add my own steps in it.
What’s a chord? Whoever you interact with, leaves energy in your body, to be specific your chakras. There are 7 chakras, each symbolises a different energy. So suppose if someone hurt you, that created an energy imbalance in your heart chakram so every emotional trauma is ultimately stored in your body. If someone oppressed you, that’s in throat chakra. If someone tried to manipulate reality and told what your intuition says is not true, it goes into third eye chakra. Gaslighting affects base chakra. If someone doubted your potential, that goes into sacral chakra. And many more, mostly in the lower 6th chakra, 7th chakra is connected to your soul’s higher self, it’s not about other people.
So when you do energy clearing with a particular person, you are trying to remove attachment traumas, wounds or negative energies related to them. For every person you will find that different chakras have been affected. You can feel a tingly feeling or pain in that chakra. Those chakras are having chords to this person, you have to heal it. I usually had 2-3 chakra related to each person.
You imagine yourself surrounded with white healing light asking archangel Michael to do cord cutting ( he is the only angel with a sword, angel of protection). If you want to actually do cord removal, also practice saying ” I forgive you, I love you, please forgive me, I want to end this karmic energy here” or something familiar. Now when you imagine a cord being cut, after that imagine that hole/void & both people being healed with white light.
So cutting cords is only about cutting negative energies with that person, positive energy still remains. Now your relationship with this person could either improve or they would leave. Sometimes Narcissists from your past can sense it, so they come back, but you have to not respond to them one more time. After the cord cutting, you can still have thoughts about that person for few days, but this time it will be resolving your issues and transforming into wisdom.
At a point, I had to cut cords with a lot of people. I have been able to cut cords with more than 10 people in one go ( I remember because I write down all my experiences from meditations. That’s a lot but I am not going to dim my light anymore). Stop, when you start feeling tired. Also, don’t try cord cutting with a twin flame, there are no cords, you are same soul and it’s not going to work and it will hurt more.
Sometimes you will find that there is still some energy left for a person, so do the meditation again. The meditation itself, will reveal more chords to you, with the name of the person it is related to. Sometimes those people won’t even be on your list of toxic relationships. Some people that you have already walked away from, their cords would just be waiting for you to release it.
The reason you find unexpected chords during meditation is because we tend to forget and not realise who manipulated us, but our energy remembers. So your soul will try to reveal it in meditations. You will not find a single negative chord for healthy relationships in your life.
As you know I dealt with a lot of abuse and jealous people, I learnt to see through them with time. So I am going to share a tip here, people have different nature, but it works most of the time.
A jealous person often tries to make you insecure, so that after you feel insecure, your performance will decrease and finally he can be happy that he was able to get you down.
A lot of time they do it by sugarcoating. Now I have good self-worth, but some people don’t get that part. So they try to motivate you, ( to demoralise indirectly), it’s easy to identify a fake compliment if you know yourself. They will pick something that you do not feel bad about, and try to motivate you about that. And you will be wondering like did I really need motivation in this area or is the other person dumb. Nop, they are not dumb they know what they are doing, they are trying to input a new insecurity into you, which you actually didn’t have earlier.
They will be like don’t give up, 50 times in your face, when you are like yeah fine, get to the next point, please. Some people do these because they are push-overs, but most of the time it’s out of jealousy. After you start involving in the conversation and be like yes I think I do have this self-doubt, they will start trying to control you, now they will give you advice which ultimately has only one meaning, that you make limited moves, that you remain limited.
This is a good way of manipulation, a lot of Narcissists use it. This is how you fall in love with a Narcissist and think that they are a saviour in your life, but after few months or years, you start feeling as if you were always demeaned by this person.
I happen to have many funny incidents like this, where I say it to their face that I know how people try to demoralise by sugarcoating. My intuition just takes over me to ask these shitty people to leave. And you can see it on their faces.
They often make you do something and then later show that they are doing better. Because they did not follow the same suggestion, but you took the bait.
The solution is to cut off contact with them. Show them that you know who they are, you may want to act dumb with a Narc though.
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Able to see the silver linings now. Believe in God!!!
First time I was abused, I thought it’s my fault. The second time I was abused I was confused. The third time I was abused I knew I am different.
By the third time, my psychic abilities started growing because spirit/God wanted to protect me. I learnt enough psychology too, to understand that it’s not my mistake. They are predators. I was told I am good at nothing, but I knew there must be something special about me.
I was told it’s my fault that I get abused every time, I knew it’s for a bigger reason. I have been trained to lead, to make the right choice and stand for it, in such hostile environments, that I can face anything now. It made me a warrior.
I learnt to never let anyone tell me who I am, coz I know who I am. I want to help people who suffer the same things that I did.
This time I don’t mind if someone copies me. Alone I could make only a few 10 warriors, but together we can make 100’s of them. Those who will not let anyone abuse their power, those who will stand for the right thing. Those who will be the change to create a new world.
I am not scared to say such big words because my vision is this big and it’s not going to change.
God is there and I believe in it. I have faith that nothing or no one can break. It made me who I am so that I can do what I am meant to do. They tried to ruin my career, now they will see a new career is born out of that.
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So I just took a personality test and came to know I am an INFJ-A. I started talking about that on my Instagram and ended up talking about my shadow work. I just want to share all of that into a single post on WordPress.
My personality basically is a super empath, according to me. Super Empaths are in touch with their emotions but strong individuals. Always learning, often spiritual, looked up as old souls. They learn to fight the darkness within themselves, accept all parts of themselves and have true self-love.
But you should never mess with an Empath, since they master their light and dark both sides, they can very well understand what a toxic person is capable of doing and INFJs can fight back ten-fold if they want, but they choose not to. They do stand up to abusers because bringing justice is as spiritual as you can be. They win but outgrowing their abusers. When one masters darkness within themselves, they become a Lightworker.
Now I thought people who haven’t done any shadow work for themselves, would be looking at it in a negative way. So I went down explaining more and more. To me, it’s not righteous to compare your light side to someone’s shadow side and be like oh this is a bad person. I don’t think a person who has done shadow work on themselves, is ever going to compare it with someone else’s shadow and be like “mine is better”. Shadow work always humbles you, because now you know what bad could exist within you, why would you look down on anyone else.
Empaths have a weakness to think as if the world is as good as them. They are pure-hearted and have strong moral values. Their dark side is all about having boundaries, walking away from wrong people, detaching from their abusers, standing up for themselves, seeing through people’s intentions and taking their power back. All these things are suppressed in an empath, especially rebels, Lightworkers, INFJs. They are taught by society to suppress their strong personalities.
Because of abuse, boundary violations and gaslighting, all of these start coming to surface. Suddenly they also want to fight back, need justice, the dark emotions of wanting to fight for themselves start coming to the surface. (The emotion is dark only from the victim’s perspective because of their conditioning, it’s not actually dark. Courage is a good thing.) This is when the shadow work kicks in. In some rare cases, it pushes them to a state termed “Supernova”, and that’s when they can play one step ahead of the Narcissists. But the core of an empath is purity, so very fast, their soul starts suffering the consequences. You cannot change who you are on the inside, so then they need to go for therapy, to recover from the guilt/regret/remorse. If an empath learns to fight their urges of battling the abuser, to see it as lessons, work on themselves, stop getting involved in the drama, taking their power back and outgrow their environments to overcome abuse. That’s how an empath becomes a super empath.
The Empath’s dark side is not about doing bad to anyone, but to accept that world is not all good. (Now again, I know my haters would be going like, see Empaths aren’t as pure). Before anyone blames Empaths for anything, remember that they absorb other people’s emotions, the Narcissist’s emotions too. Narcissists abuse their victims in a way, to provoke the victims to step outside of their integrity. That’s why those who overcome Narcissistic abuse, are strong people, spiritual warriors. A super empath is an empowered individual. Those who are still not able to justify, I would ask them to do their own shadow work, before raising a finger.
The shadow is about what parts of yourself you have rejected when you were told by someone else, your environment and your society that it’s not good to be different, to be strong or opinionated. It’s just about your rejected characteristics, that you decided to keep in a box inside you and to never use them. And possibly, all characteristics out of those were not as bad as someone told you just to keep you suppressed and in control. When you integrate your shadow-self back within you, after that there’s no shadow anymore, it all becomes you. You can love all parts of yourself and not be afraid of society’s approval. You just need to accept yourself, let everyone else do there bid. You love yourself completely regardless.
Empath’s shadow self has power as well as dark emotions, that’s why you think that it’s something bad. But their shadow side still has lesser dark emotions. Unlike other people (mostly in toxic people and Narcissists) who have have Empathy itself in their shadow side, which makes it worse.
It’s easier to think that the Empath, a victim of abuse is a bad person, by looking at their shadow. To me, the shadow side is about negative internal emotions, abuse puts you through that turmoil, but it doesn’t mean they take action based on those negative emotions externally. This is why this world needs more Empathy. Empathy is not the same as sympathy, it makes you able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. That is the same reason why Empaths can’t do bad to anyone or hurt anyone, even after integrating their shadow side. Because no matter what their shadow says, Empathy is still the highest emotion of them all.
Without exploring your own dark side, you can not see the dark side of others’. Empaths tend to think everyone is an angel until they get in touch with their own dark side. The shadow work is also related to “the dark night of the soul” phase when going through a spiritual awakening.
I wanted to share an example, that shadow is not all bad. So I shared something about myself. I didn’t have the emotion of jealousy ( competition jealousy for which people try to put someone down for their own good), even in my shadow side. That’s why it was so traumatizing for me to see people getting jealous, back in 2018. It took me a lot to accept that – yes, people do get jealous and you can’t do much about it. This is why, exploring your own shadow side is important, because, without it, I was able to see some things, but not able to accept them.
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Soulmates are souls who hold the same frequency, incarnate together many times. It can be a romantic relationship or a platonic one. You can have multiple soulmates. Feels like you have known this person before. It’s a harmonious relationship.
But a Twin Flame is the same soul split into two. They choose the twin flame journey to help each other evolve. It is a Romantic relationship. Only those who signed up for a twin flame journey, have one, and it’s only one.
They also incarnate together many times but go through many ups and downs together to force each other to grow. They keep separating until both souls are awakened, and each feels whole in him/ herself. I know everyone says you are whole in yourself, but those who have a twin flame feel incomplete without each other. It doesn’t mean they should not feel whole in self, they actually have to go through a lot of ups and downs until they learn self-love. Only then they can unite.
One soul holds divine Masculine energy and another holds divine Feminine (any gender, doesn’t matter). One is awakened first and acts as a torch-bearer. When both are awakened and healed, the universe supports them to come together. These souls have a mission together to teach this world and to each other, self-love, true unconditional love and to show the world that love exists. Together they are powerful, both complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
On a deeper spiritual level, each anchors light for another. Both mirror each other and also have a telepathic connection. When they are together, nothing else matters.
Starseed twin flames have also a mission together.
Soulmates also have to go through healing, but they don’t go through as many cycles as twin flames. All high vibrational connections require both people to overcome fears & heal.
You meet your soulmate/TF in reality when you shift into the vibration of love. Self-love is the key to manifest a spiritual love connection.
Some say it takes trust, some say respect, some say unconditional love.
But how would you know how much trust means trust and how much respect means respect for the other person. That’s where boundaries are important.
Unconditional love, people get an idea of selfless love, let the other person do whatever he/she wants, I will keep loving. Can this really work? Another person can exploit your boundaries and expect you to love unconditionally.
True love is when you learn that having boundaries is a part of unconditional love. Not having boundaries is like betraying yourself, not being true to yourself. Can you actually give true love, when you are coming from a place where you are not in 100% alignment with yourself. To be one with anything else, you need to be one with yourself first.
[oneness]Boundaries are the secret of happy relationships, both platonic & non-platonic. Through all these years, when my life was falling apart, the relationship that still sustained are the ones who know how to respect boundaries. Happy relationships are the secret to a happy life.
P.S. Learn the difference between oneness & boundaries. I learnt this from Teal swan.
The abuser is always a person who does not even know how to regulate his/her own emotions. They can not end the cycle of abuse, never. It always takes the victim to make a decision, once the victim decides, he/she can end the cycle. How?
If with a Narcissist, do not give them what they want. Don’t give them drama. If already past that stage, start showing them the mirror, the Narcissists, they fear coming face to face with their own reality.
(Showing a mirror to Narcissist or walking away, both are a form of compassion for them. Just do not engage in the drama and give them a chance of self-reflection. I know it never works, they never are able to self reflect so much, but maybe they start seeing the truth one by one, victim by victim for their whole life. And probably when they get old, they can recall what they did.)
If it’s not a Narcissist, only a toxic person, don’t engage. Don’t engage with them. They are people who are in so much pain inside, that they want to create the same reality outside. They become self-destructive.
If it’s a person who has some kind of power over you, legally. Walk away (Yes, it sounds like an escape, but read it till the end). Now you would say but then I want to prove myself, my worth, I want to take back everything that they have damaged, my image, recognition everything. But no, you do not engage. You trying to prove your worth keeps you in a cycle, that’s what they want. Instead, you acknowledge your worth on your own and leave. Move on to next phase of your life, prove yourself there and these people will get their lessons on their own.
Walking away is a power, it’s such a big power in itself. When you walk away, you show them the difference between you and them. That you are not willing to waste time on these stupid games. Always remember, walking away is power. It will save you from a lot of misery.
Take back your power, do not put your worth in their hands, do not define your worth by how they treat you. Do not wait for them to accept your worth and treat you right. You are worthy, on your own. You are an amazing fantabulous person, just as you are. Never forget your own worth.
And you never know, if you are strong enough to take this decision, maybe God will smile and give you a chance to prove yourself, just before you are about to leave. I got that chance & I love my decisions now.
The Pretty Smart Techie 