I was gaslighted by one more Narcissist and it made me step out of my integrity. That’s how they make you feel when you call their behaviour out. That’s why it’s always better to block them rather than trying to make them talk through the problems rationally. Because they are not rational at all. They just try to Gaslight you, to make you step out of integrity so that they can get some lie to tell themselves and others, against you. And also to dump their shame on you.
All a Narcissist is a toddler who never got the right emotional intimacy from their parents. All they know is how to get things done by their toddler tantrums. When you tell them you want to end things or call their behaviour out or demand more effort from them. They don’t go into a state of self-reflection and apologize but turn into a toddler who wants his toy back, who wants you to behave his way. They go into the state of “you are such a bad person, you are the devil, why are you doing this to me, you are hurting me”. Because now his fear of abandonment is standing in front of him, his biggest fear which turns these adult children into an abusive person. And if they can’t get their way, they want to abandon you, before you abandon them.
They go on blaming you for not understanding that they are different, and how you are doing wrong, how you are not giving them freedom for being themselves, how their priority is work and not you, and how they should be able to suppress you. And all you do is ask them one question if they talk to you only twice a year, and friendships are not even their priority, nor even our priorities match, nor it’s a mutual friendship, then why do they have a problem letting you go? They will also blame you for not trying to meet them personally in years, in return for their little efforts to even talk to you and always ignoring your phone calls.
Can you see how the flow of conversation goes from once they are sorry to next time they are blaming you, from once they are not ready to change and next time they want you to change according to them. That’s Gaslighting. To put so many ups and downs of emotions in your brain that it can’t understand what’s happening and gives up into reacting, the reaction that they want from you. So that they can later clarify themselves as you were the wrong person, and that’s why it did not work. That’s called blame-shifting, it’s again a manipulation tactic. My old school friend even flip flopped from saying that it’s my caring nature because of which we always talk about his miserable life and not me, to saying that I should not be wanting to help people because people don’t want help. He even used projections on me and when I confronted him about that behaviour, he said it’s rational, to project his thinking onto others because everyone thinks others are also like him. Now, this was not a rational thinker at all.
My ex school friend really tried to make me feel insecure, he said people don’t need anyone to help them, they want to learn their lessons on their own. Okay so then don’t follow my blog, no one is forcing you to. But don’t you dare snatch my dreams away and snap on my life purpose. Do you think this kind of people can ever be true friends?
On my bday these toxic people came back, bringing my energy down on my Birthday, I spent 3 hours helping these people to sort themselves. That’s what they do, they use every opportunity to score their supply back, they use all festivals, anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, Diwali, new year, all occasions. But all the conversation still remains about them and not sharing happiness, they can’t see people being happy on Christmas/Diwali also, because they themselves can not experience the emotions of true happiness. When they come back by making excuses and fake stories, it’s called hoovering, their attempt to come back and check on you if you are still holding boundaries with them or now your guard is down after the Silent treatment of some days. Strangely, in my case, as I am an empowered empath now, the silent treatment is never on me, I actually decide to not give in to their toddle tantrums and silent treatment. What they want to happen is you to plead them for forgiveness, for their own mistakes. I never fall into this trap, because I can see through the bigger picture now.
I also tried to cut cords a few weeks back, with the same three people who were trying to come back. By chord cutting, you pull your energy back and they can sense it on an energy level, so they try to manipulate you again into their dirty mind games. And look at me, I was wondering why these people are back even after cutting chords, are they not the wrong people? They were just trying their last bit on me, I hold my ground and finally got rid of these people.
This school friend blamed me for leaving him behind because I have outgrown. Is that even a thing for real? With my true friends, I never had to question our friendship to such level, to check if we are still resonating with each other or not. They were there for me when I was fighting depression, giving me hours a day, they stuck with me through my “dark night of the soul” phase and celebrated all my happiness together. They were the pillars who held me from falling off in those tough times. Never left my side, no matter what and always supported me, never ever tried to make me feel insecure, even once, I am talking about 10 years of friendship. This is what real friendship is, your true friends grow with you, never feel jealous of you, always work through all the issues, never make you feel like you are not a priority in their life.
In the end, I said he ‘N’ word. Finally, I said, “I am used to these arguments with Narcissists, so he should not think that I don’t know what he is trying to do”. Then this guy just blocked me after blaming me for ruining his day where I kept insisting through the whole conversation to not argue and end it peacefully. So finally I had a grand finale with one more Narcissist yesterday. Taking time to recharge myself after so much Gaslighting and fighting the emotional manipulation.
All these Narcissist have a common tactic to use words from my own blog to make me feel insecure. I am in this field for 4 years now got enough experience, and got used this behaviour also. They keep tabs on my words, I keep a tab on them. Uhh.. they all have the same single pattern, which can not change, ever.
That’s what all the Narcissists do. Some toxic people ask me I must have done something to attract so much trouble and why so many Narcissists come after me. The answer is, I do, I trigger them. Whenever I posted something related to psychology, Empaths and Narcissists. Some of the other people thought it’s about them and started giving me a difficult time. I struggled to learn why they misunderstood me, the post was not about them. Later I learnt to see their true faces. They know themselves better than anyone else. They sense that I might have discovered who they are, so they discard me and start all the scapegoating, manipulation and ruminating me for being a fake person.
I am still trying to replenish my energy and heal from that. But what we need to do here is not give in to the drama again. Every time an empath goes back to a Narcissist, next time he will be discarded in a far more cruel way than the last time. This is the time to use your head over your heart, empaths. Because the Narcissist is also playing games with the head only they don’t have a pure heart as you do. Hold your ground, and show the Narcissist that you will not give in to their mind games, and they will leave you, to look for another supply.
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The Pretty Smart Techie 