First of all, I want everyone to understand that me and my Twinflame both have been facing Narcissistic abuse from people who don’t want us to be together. Generally, spiritual people, psychics and tarot readers like to use the word “Karmic” for Narcissists and Narcissistic people. You do have Karma with Karmics but it doesn’t mean they are not abusive. In our case, the third party Karmic is a full-blown Narcissist with Psychopathic tendencies. We both have been abused in all ways possible, scapegoated, talked about, by these abusers so that we will both give up on each other and this Twinflame connection. They try to create trust issues between us. Your Twinflame never intends to hurt you, unless they are manipulated by others. Every tower moment is brought because of these Karmics, their lies and manipulation. But spirit makes sure to use every tower in the favour of Twinflame connection.
Anyone who thinks, in a third party situation, DF chases DM. They are wrong. Runners run into the third party situations and Karmics chase DM, not the DF. It’s all rumours. Because in my case, I go towards my DM every time to school him, with my Queen of swords mode that every DM is scared of. Do hell with chasing😂😂 It’s because all DF’s know intuitively what their DM thinks and feels for them, we don’t need validation from our DM about it.
I have a lot to write about, couldn’t even decide where to start from.. so I thought I will start with a few answers to the “why”. When people read my story they should understand where I’m coming from.
Awakening.. a big word. Everyone says once you had an awakening, you can’t go back, you can’t un-awaken yourself. Well, whoever said this, was definitely lacking knowledge.. because I have seen myself and my Twinflame cycling back so many times.. everyone who belongs to my Twinflame collective has been going through these cycles.
The fact is, no one ever said to me that I am too blunt or anything I just know it because I am a psychic.
I am a Lightworker and every lightworker has a unique life purpose. One of my spiritual gifts is authenticity, that’s the uniqueness I got as a lightworker. Spirit chooses Lightworkers and engraves light codes in their souls. My soul is engraved with authenticity, because spirit wanted it to be that way. My soul desires to speak the truth with authenticity, this desire is put inside my soul by the divine powers itself, it’s spirit’s own desire.
Spirit uses me to send this truth to you, through me. Now when I have come this far on my spiritual journey and in touch with spirit, spirit’s desires are my desires. I am just an instrument now.
Anyways when I used to be scared and try to say the truth indirectly, it didn’t change much, people were still triggered and abused me. I would better be my authentic self if the result is always going to be the same.
Truth hits your soul. Truth triggers you. Truth shatters your illusions. Truth remains the same, no matter how it’s said, with anger or calm, with aggression or with grace, in wars or in peace. What I share is Spiritual truth, divine truth. It’s not your truth or my truth, it’s universal. It’s going to trigger you if you are not in touch with the truth. You don’t like it because it triggers you to do shadow work. That’s exactly spirit wants to achieve, to help your soul grow. Your ego does not like it, because it triggers you. But your soul has been waiting to be triggered, so that it can heal and grow and move towards awakening.
Spiritual awakening is all about seeing truth beyond all your illusions. So if you seek spiritual awakening, first you must be a truth seeker. Your soul wants to be one with the source, one with the truth. It wants the truth to be heard, seen and touched.
What I am doing, may not have been done before, but that’s exactly what spirit wants me to do. To create my own path, following my own calling.
I want us to change the vocabulary here. Truth isn’t blunt, sharp or forceful, it’s just plain without any sugarcoating. It’s just the truth.
Till the day you give in to your fears or act according to your wounds, it’s attachment. The day you break free, it becomes love, because before that it’s all about ME, ME, ME.
It’s about yourself because you want the other person to adjust for you, you want the other person to wait for you till you complete your other priorities, you want society to understand your love before loving who you claim to love. Sometimes you don’t even want to confess your love because you are afraid of rejection, it will hurt your ego. You want the other person to understand, you want the other person to compromise, you want to be right, you want them to make you feel safe against your own insecurities, you want them to love you first, so that you won’t have to step up, so that you don’t have to fight your insecurities on your own. You don’t want to see them happy with anyone else you leave them alone anyway.
You want them to wait so that you can clear all other things in your life, before you give them back. You claim you want to bring balance, but for that also you want the other person to be patient and do your job. Where’s the balance now? You have all these high expectations of them, but what about their basic needs.
Till the day everything is about yourself, it’s attachment, it’s not love. Love does not give in to fears, love is not selfish. Love frees, love teaches love, but it also teaches to fight against everything else, all barriers, to keep that love by your side. Love does not want something in return, it surrenders.
When your love becomes unconditional, it becomes free, free of opinions, free of limitations, free of fears, free of everything else. Once everyone can see it’s unconditional, no opinion can interfere anyway. It becomes free, it surrenders. True love is surrender to the feeling of love and to the one you love.
This is such a great feeling, it’s like an awakening, a realisation of becoming more of myself, who I am meant to be.
Repeat after me “it’s only me who has to be comfortable with my emotions, nobody else, it’s only me who has to accept all parts of myself, nobody else”.
I experienced this whole my life, some 30-50 abusive people told me like 100’s of times that I get defensive. I never learnt to own that part of myself. Because it was a bulk of people, so I thought they might be right. But they weren’t. It might be right for somebody else but not for me.
If someone’s attacking my value, my worth, I freaking want to defend myself. Why won’t I? Who is someone else to tell me about myself and then again tell me that I cannot even defend. I want to defend myself, I don’t want to wait for some prince charming to come and rescue me, I want to do it myself.
I had a toxic ex ghost me, ignore me, block me everywhere and tell me that it’s my fault coz I get angry. Like what we’re you expecting me to be. Women who are used to being limited, tried to make me adjust. Toxic bosses who want to ruin my reputation and say everything that is not true about me and want me to stay silent. Why?
Perhaps when someone’s lying, the biggest threat to them is someone who speaks up, takes a stand for themselves and tells the truth on their face. Other people would come and tell me I should not be defensive, mostly men. I guess they feel threatened if a woman knows how to use her masculine energy.
I really love this feeling of being me. It’s making me think why I didn’t do it earlier. I want to say to every toxic person, that if anyone would try to threaten my value, my worth, my people, my work or anything that I put my time and effort into, I would get defensive. Why won’t I want to be defensive? What’s wrong in it.
Damn, I love this part of me, I don’t mind defending myself, because I speak the most truth when I am defending.
It may be an imperfection to someone, but I love this imperfection. I am so going to own this part of me from now on.
Never compare yourself to anyone around. Every person is different and perfect in it’s own imperfections.
Don’t get caught up in the cycles of trying to win over people that you envy, just to make your self feel better again. Work on the part that you feel is lacking in you.
It’s very bad karma to try to lower someone else, who has done nothing wrong and is happy. Trying to put obstacles in someone’s happy life, shows your inner miseries. Better just work on yourself then working on winning the race.
And moreover you can save yourself from so much pain if you just learn to not compare yourself with anyone.
Forgive yourself for the past and encourage yourself for the future. Never loose Hope.
You don’t have to be strong to make brave choices. And trust me you will feel so much better about yourself after successfully executing your brave choices.
The shadow is about what parts you have rejected of yourself, when you were told by someone else, your environment and your society that it’s not good to be different, strong or opinionated. It’s just about your rejected characteristics, you decided to keep them in a box inside you but never use them. And possibly, all characteristics out of those were not as bad as someone told you, just to keep you suppressed and in control.
When you integrate your shadow-self back within you, after that there’s no shadow anymore, it all becomes you. You can love all parts of yourself and not be afraid of anyone’s disapproval. You just need to accept yourself, let everyone else do there bid. You love yourself completely, regardless!!. Shadow work is not only about integrating your rejected parts back, but also about looking at your own wounds, accepting them and healing. When you work on your wounds, you also get to see all of your subconscious fears and insecurities. So shadow work is a lot more than anyone can think, it’s the ultimate self-development.
Dark Night of the soul and shadow work come hand in hand. When your soul hits the dark night, you cannot run away from shadow work anymore. It makes you question everything, everything that social conditioning taught you. The journey is painful, but after going through it, you can experience ultimate fulfilment.
Self-acceptance is a must for self-love. And when you accept your shadow also as your own SELF, you become an empowered individual.
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I know it’s going to be hard if you just started your self-love journey. It was, for me too.
Let’s start from the point where I had to start, I had completely rejected and forgotten all parts of me, all my past that I did not like. And then I had to finally face everything.
I haven’t been posting anything about my relationships here, because you know, Indians !! But I can share what is required badly now. Anyways most of the people who know me, they know all of this stuff.
I was in a relationship with a guy, quite toxic. When the relationship started to fall off, in just a few months, I tried to fix everything. He just tried to block me everywhere and I kept trying to fix his life for him. I went on telling him to work on his self-esteem, his friendships, his conflict-avoidant nature. I ended up with no results because you can not change a person unless they want to, this has been a lesson that life kept throwing at me repeatedly for three years, even in friendships and at work, until I started using it into my life.
Whatever I tried to fix for him, in a few months I started observing the same problems in my life. First my own self-esteem, my own habit of people-pleasing, next to my toxic friendships, my boundaries, my priorities and then all patterns that I acquired while growing up.
I was just thrown off into deep shadow work, just like that. My life was falling apart and with that, all my wounds were coming to surface. I started writing all my emotions into a diary, I kept writing each fear of mine into that list. I also wrote each memory from my past that haunted me. Meanwhile, new people, new abusers, new problems, kept coming into my life at the same time. It was very difficult, but I just made it through somehow, all I knew was to not give up.
When I was over the phase of writing everything down, as much as I could m I started working on it one by one. I still have flashbacks of things that I rejected about myself, but now it’s easy because I have practised enough. Every time I remember a bitter memory, I know what wound it caused and what behaviours I learnt, what shame it put me into.
A lot of motivational speakers show self-love as if it’s going to be all good. But it’s a difficult process to learn, it’s not all easy, with self-reflection, you are entering into the journey of facing your Shadows, all the shame that anyone has ever caused in life and made you feel less worthy, it’s all going to come to the surface.
Healing is a journey, there is never going to be an end to it, but after a point, you will reach saturation, and that point is our goal.
Self-acceptance is so important, it means self-reflection, self-love, shadow work, all are being done. Learn to accept all parts of yourself and that a lot of stuff has been put by this world onto you. Start being your own friend, you will start getting rid of the shame, your environment caused you. Self-acceptance made me accept my own mistakes and also whatever wrong was done to me.
If you find your own mistakes, it’s okay to take time to feel the regret, give yourself time to grieve. But after a point, you have to stop grieving and forgive yourself. Some people might have done something, that isn’t forgivable morally. But all you can do is free yourself from resentment. You do not have to carry someone else’s pain anymore. Free yourself. People get their Karma eventually. Your focus should not be about them getting their Karma back, but about taking your power back, giving yourself a chance to live your true authentic self.
Share is not an easy thing to come out of, but you are strong and you can do it. You do not need to share your bad experiences with everyone, but if you will look around, there will be 2-3 people in your life, who will be ready to accept all parts of you. I found that in my family, I never expected it to turn out that way, but they have been through everything with me.
Look around, share it with someone who knows what listening to shame means, who loves you unconditionally, who has a compassionate heart and makes you feel safe. If that is not possible, be your own friend, share things with yourself, learn to console yourself. All you need to do is, be true to yourself. Whatever you show to the world, at least don’t hide the truth from yourself. If you that, your soul suffers with it, I have experienced it personally.
You can always go for therapy, it’s a therapists job to make you feel comfortable and safe to share all your emotions with them. Please do not suffer in silence (adding this part after watching the new today).
Shadow is the part of yourself that you have rejected, out of your own insecurities, because of trauma, the moments of shame and feeling worthless. All those are acknowledged as a shadow. Most of the times, what you hate about others, is also a part of your shadow. Once you have done shadow work, you will know the difference, you will experience self-fulfilment.
So I just shared something personal, yes I have been in love. Every time I thought now I have found the one, I was disappointed, I have a pretty normal life, just like everyone. I thought trying to fix everything on my own in a relationship is unconditional love, then I started noticing this unconditional love is not bringing me happiness as it should have, I learnt to let people go.
The more you want to be right, the more in ego you are.
Now I am not saying that there’s something wrong in being right. But there are people who always just want to be right, they will do anything to prove the other person wrong. It’s like a war for them or may give them a sense of control, or maybe power, they can go to extent of manipulation and demeaning you, just to prove themselves right.
For some people it’s so important to be right, then whenever they are wrong, it becomes an argument for them, which they want to win at any cost. ‘My way or the highway’ type of thinking. Why is it so important to be right? Because it satisfies your ego. Or maybe you never learnt what it means to argue as a team to resolve an issue and not make it a war where only one can win. For some people it’s a coping mechanism to feel safe in a relationship, to always have things their way.
It affects our relationships so much. Listening is so important but people don’t realise. This is a behavioural pattern that is also created while growing up. It happens only because of ego, learn to tame your ego and you will have better healthier relationships.
Relationships should be based on ‘In this together’ not against each other.
Think, what matters, a relationship which is win-win for both, or for only one person.
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