As you know I dealt with a lot of abuse and jealous people, I learnt to see through them with time. So I am going to share a tip here, people have different nature, but it works most of the time.
A jealous person often tries to make you insecure, so that after you feel insecure, your performance will decrease and finally he can be happy that he was able to get you down.
A lot of time they do it by sugarcoating. Now I have good self-worth, but some people don’t get that part. So they try to motivate you, ( to demoralise indirectly), it’s easy to identify a fake compliment if you know yourself. They will pick something that you do not feel bad about, and try to motivate you about that. And you will be wondering like did I really need motivation in this area or is the other person dumb. Nop, they are not dumb they know what they are doing, they are trying to input a new insecurity into you, which you actually didn’t have earlier.
They will be like don’t give up, 50 times in your face, when you are like yeah fine, get to the next point, please. Some people do these because they are push-overs, but most of the time it’s out of jealousy. After you start involving in the conversation and be like yes I think I do have this self-doubt, they will start trying to control you, now they will give you advice which ultimately has only one meaning, that you make limited moves, that you remain limited.
This is a good way of manipulation, a lot of Narcissists use it. This is how you fall in love with a Narcissist and think that they are a saviour in your life, but after few months or years, you start feeling as if you were always demeaned by this person.
I happen to have many funny incidents like this, where I say it to their face that I know how people try to demoralise by sugarcoating. My intuition just takes over me to ask these shitty people to leave. And you can see it on their faces.
They often make you do something and then later show that they are doing better. Because they did not follow the same suggestion, but you took the bait.
The solution is to cut off contact with them. Show them that you know who they are, you may want to act dumb with a Narc though.
Please like, comment, share and let me know if it helped you. Don’t forget to follow my blog for more such posts.
I may look cute but I am not weak. I am a multifaceted and multidimensional being, I can shift my energy into being powerful and fearless at any time. Do not test my fury.
I am an old soul and each life I lived different, as a star in the cosmos a spiritual leader and a warrior, as a man, as a woman, as a healer, as a fighter, as a warrior, as an artist, as a leader, as an innocent person, as an oppressed community, I have been admired, abused, tortured, I have been killed in wars, I have died alone, I have lived in peace and I have lived in chaos too. I have been trained well for lifetimes and do not doubt if there’s a still a type that I can not turn into.
I am a combination of light and dark, where light has conquered the darkness, but if the light would want to use the darkness for good, it will.
I chose to incarnate many times to train myself and went through all that pain to become perfect for my job of a Lightworker in this life. I am going to use what I learnt. So do not doubt what I can bring to the table.
Don’t forget to follow my blog, if you would love to see more such content. I am a full-time blogger and eager to bring you ways to fulfil your soul.
When someone is in depression, the first thing they need to do is get their physical health in good condition. Physical and mental health are related to each other. Here I want to talk about some common things, adding negative effects of alcohol and the importance of going for the therapy.
You need to leave any type of alcohol, drugs or addictions.
Have a healthy sleep pattern, listen to calming music.
Start exercising, meditating, meditation can also help you with grief.
Avoid unhealthy eating habits like too much sugar, too much oil. Hormones which affect feelings of happiness and sadness, go into balance because of depression, and when you don’t eat right it further increases the problem. You can start having an issue like diabetes, thyroid, which further causes hormonal imbalances and that’s how depression becomes a difficult ailment to deal with.
Make a gratitude list every day, this helps you stop feeling as if life’s no good.
Have daily positive affirmations about yourself.
Talk to a friend, share your issues with your family. I know some people are actually insensitive enough to not understand your condition and that’s what scares you. But it doesn’t mean there are no people who know what listening to shame means. Learn to talk to the right people about your problems.
Journaling, write down your thoughts every day. Once it’s out on paper, it’s out of your mind too. You don’t have to think the same thing over and over again.
Get fresh air, travel, take a vacation for yourself, sometimes watch refreshing movies, relax.
Have some hobbies to keep yourself busy and relaxed, or do something you love to make yourself happy.
Focus on self-care and self-love.
When you are in depression, you can lose a sense of boundaries, some people become exploitative and some become suppressed. So have a clear mind about what behaviours you want to have and what behaviours you don’t.
Get a regular health check if possible, sometimes multivitamins can help. When I started changing my eating habits, my body was resisting so having multivitamins only for 20 days helped me a lot. I could feel the difference in my health.
Don’t try to escape your problems, with too much work, too much alcohol, too much gaming, too much dating, too many movies, too many desserts, toxic positivity etc.
Last but not least, get a therapist. Therapy really helps you identify your issues and work through them. A listening counsellor can actually help you with your shadow work. You do not need to worry about how they will treat you, it’s a therapist’s job to make you feel comfortable to talk about your problems. They do it gradually over sessions, slowly trying to help you see your problems, just like peeling layers of an Onion, one by one.
In psychology, there is a term “transference”. When you talk to a therapist, even surround yourself with wise people. You learn emotionally healthy behaviours, setting boundaries and decision making through how they deal with their problems. That’s why getting therapy always works. You learn a lot of rational thinking behaviours from your therapist too. Choose a good therapist, you can easily search online and find a therapist with good ratings. A right therapist will try their best to not put you on unnecessary medicines.
Some people are unaware but depressed for their whole life, because they were never taught – how to regulate their emotions and thoughts. May be these facts will help you understand the importance of having good emotional intelligence.
P.S. I was dealing with depression myself, till a few months back. And I tried to share everything that I learnt with my depression. Please give it a read and share across. If not you, someone around you could be dealing with it. Awareness is all it takes.
Please like, comment, share and let me know if it helped you. Don’t forget to follow my blog for more such posts.
I know it’s going to be hard if you just started your self-love journey. It was, for me too.
Let’s start from the point where I had to start, I had completely rejected and forgotten all parts of me, all my past that I did not like. And then I had to finally face everything.
I haven’t been posting anything about my relationships here, because you know, Indians !! But I can share what is required badly now. Anyways most of the people who know me, they know all of this stuff.
I was in a relationship with a guy, quite toxic. When the relationship started to fall off, in just a few months, I tried to fix everything. He just tried to block me everywhere and I kept trying to fix his life for him. I went on telling him to work on his self-esteem, his friendships, his conflict-avoidant nature. I ended up with no results because you can not change a person unless they want to, this has been a lesson that life kept throwing at me repeatedly for three years, even in friendships and at work, until I started using it into my life.
Whatever I tried to fix for him, in a few months I started observing the same problems in my life. First my own self-esteem, my own habit of people-pleasing, next to my toxic friendships, my boundaries, my priorities and then all patterns that I acquired while growing up.
I was just thrown off into deep shadow work, just like that. My life was falling apart and with that, all my wounds were coming to surface. I started writing all my emotions into a diary, I kept writing each fear of mine into that list. I also wrote each memory from my past that haunted me. Meanwhile, new people, new abusers, new problems, kept coming into my life at the same time. It was very difficult, but I just made it through somehow, all I knew was to not give up.
When I was over the phase of writing everything down, as much as I could m I started working on it one by one. I still have flashbacks of things that I rejected about myself, but now it’s easy because I have practised enough. Every time I remember a bitter memory, I know what wound it caused and what behaviours I learnt, what shame it put me into.
A lot of motivational speakers show self-love as if it’s going to be all good. But it’s a difficult process to learn, it’s not all easy, with self-reflection, you are entering into the journey of facing your Shadows, all the shame that anyone has ever caused in life and made you feel less worthy, it’s all going to come to the surface.
Healing is a journey, there is never going to be an end to it, but after a point, you will reach saturation, and that point is our goal.
Self-acceptance is so important, it means self-reflection, self-love, shadow work, all are being done. Learn to accept all parts of yourself and that a lot of stuff has been put by this world onto you. Start being your own friend, you will start getting rid of the shame, your environment caused you. Self-acceptance made me accept my own mistakes and also whatever wrong was done to me.
If you find your own mistakes, it’s okay to take time to feel the regret, give yourself time to grieve. But after a point, you have to stop grieving and forgive yourself. Some people might have done something, that isn’t forgivable morally. But all you can do is free yourself from resentment. You do not have to carry someone else’s pain anymore. Free yourself. People get their Karma eventually. Your focus should not be about them getting their Karma back, but about taking your power back, giving yourself a chance to live your true authentic self.
Share is not an easy thing to come out of, but you are strong and you can do it. You do not need to share your bad experiences with everyone, but if you will look around, there will be 2-3 people in your life, who will be ready to accept all parts of you. I found that in my family, I never expected it to turn out that way, but they have been through everything with me.
Look around, share it with someone who knows what listening to shame means, who loves you unconditionally, who has a compassionate heart and makes you feel safe. If that is not possible, be your own friend, share things with yourself, learn to console yourself. All you need to do is, be true to yourself. Whatever you show to the world, at least don’t hide the truth from yourself. If you that, your soul suffers with it, I have experienced it personally.
You can always go for therapy, it’s a therapists job to make you feel comfortable and safe to share all your emotions with them. Please do not suffer in silence (adding this part after watching the new today).
Shadow is the part of yourself that you have rejected, out of your own insecurities, because of trauma, the moments of shame and feeling worthless. All those are acknowledged as a shadow. Most of the times, what you hate about others, is also a part of your shadow. Once you have done shadow work, you will know the difference, you will experience self-fulfilment.
So I just shared something personal, yes I have been in love. Every time I thought now I have found the one, I was disappointed, I have a pretty normal life, just like everyone. I thought trying to fix everything on my own in a relationship is unconditional love, then I started noticing this unconditional love is not bringing me happiness as it should have, I learnt to let people go.
I still remember the day when everyone voted for this topic on Instagram. And since I always pick up energies, I could feel the underlying energy around it. Which was a feeling of “there has to be some big secret to work on your fears”. I kept thinking, trying to figure out that one thing and never found anything. Then I was facing one more fear of mine which made me think again.
The truth is there’s no secret key to it. It’s simple. You just need to face your fears, head-on.
Now how do we learn to face our fears?
First, you need to become more conscious of yourself. When you raise your self-awareness and self-reflection, you are able to navigate all your emotions in a better way. If there is a subconscious fear that is making you act a certain way, now you will be able to notice it. Whereas earlier you won’t even realise why you have certain behavioural patterns.
Sometimes it can be a drastic situation or abuse, which brings those issues up to surface anyways, even when you don’t want it. But once you are able to acknowledge a fear you will be able to work on it.
When you know what type of fear you are facing, you need to be your own friend pat yourself on the back and encourage yourself that you can do it. The first time you are going to do feeling scared. The second time you would know that you can conquer it. Next time you will see the fear will be gone.
Whatever it is, that you are scared of, do it, do it anyway. For everything, what will happen if you fail, what people would say. Just do what you want to do. Life is all about living right!!
It takes a selfless person to do all the healing work. So if you are doing it, appreciation from the universe for you.
It takes a lot of dedication to work on all the wounds, some of which are not your own, they come from society, your environment, your ancestors.
Self-love involves healing, because when you heal you create such good karma for yourself and all the generations that are going to come after you. When you heal yourself, you present authenticity to your connections, you give them true unconditional love.
Some say it takes trust, some say respect, some say unconditional love.
But how would you know how much trust means trust and how much respect means respect for the other person. That’s where boundaries are important.
Unconditional love, people get an idea of selfless love, let the other person do whatever he/she wants, I will keep loving. Can this really work? Another person can exploit your boundaries and expect you to love unconditionally.
True love is when you learn that having boundaries is a part of unconditional love. Not having boundaries is like betraying yourself, not being true to yourself. Can you actually give true love, when you are coming from a place where you are not in 100% alignment with yourself. To be one with anything else, you need to be one with yourself first.
[oneness]Boundaries are the secret of happy relationships, both platonic & non-platonic. Through all these years, when my life was falling apart, the relationship that still sustained are the ones who know how to respect boundaries. Happy relationships are the secret to a happy life.
P.S. Learn the difference between oneness & boundaries. I learnt this from Teal swan.
The Pretty Smart Techie 