Never lose yourself for others

Sometimes for love, for approval, for the opinions of people, we try to change ourselves. We feel we need to adjust with others and change ourselves but how much?

Have you realised what it feels to be someone who you are not. It just takes the life out of you. The price that you pay is more than anything. Be self-aware.

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Fear of Abandonment

Fear of abandonment is the first thing which is common in both Narcissists and codependent Empaths. It keeps them both stuck in a toxic cycle.

Codependents take abuse only because of their fear of abandonment. Narcissists manipulate people, so when they sense that their mask is falling off and the victim can see it, they escalate the abuse.

Fear of abandonment makes people not trust, not be in touch with their emotions and run away at the slightest chance of abandonment. Where it gets difficult is maybe there is no one even thinking about abandoning the person, but they will keep reacting to their own fear and ruin a stable relationship. It causes a lot of inner turmoil to accept the truth.

This fear makes you feel like even good things are too good to be true. It’s an inner child wound and most of the time it comes from childhood trauma. The person needs to do inner child work, work on self-love and improve the self-talk, replace negative thoughts with rational thoughts & positive affirmations. And sometimes let that fear become real, let someone abandon you, process all your emotions that come after it for once, the fear will be gone. Time heals everything.

I know it’s easier said than done. But a temporary pain can heal your fears for a lifetime. You stayed with this fear for decades and it doesn’t feel good to live in fear. Let’s overcomes it for once and enjoy a happy emotional life.

All the best for your self-love and healing journey. Healing is selfless deed and Universe appreciates & supports everyone who is trying to heal themselves.
When you heal, blessings will soon be revealed. Sending you love and light  XOXOXO 

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Don’t sacrifice for people, they know what they are doing

You think people are hurt and don’t know what they are doing.. They do know it somewhere deep inside, but they choose not to take responsibility for what they do. Just to hide from guilt, regret, shame or being responsible for something.

We take adjustment in relationships to next level, when we think they are not able to realise something. But actually we need to let them realise and do their inner work. You can not save somebody from this pain, by sacrificing on your side. The same pain leads them to grow into a better person.

There is always a limit on what can be forgiven and what can be adjusted. Hurt people, hurt people. It works when you want to forgive someone, but does not if you keep letting someone cross your boundaries.

Any sort of relationship works well only when both sides meet each other half way.

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People don’t get their Karma, they live their Karma

If you ever wonder why bad people don’t get their Karma back. Truth is they are already living with their karma.

The reason they do all those bad deeds unconsciously, their unconsciousness itself is their karma.

Highly unconscious people try to gain power by manipulating or controlling other’s in their life. And they do get it, but deep inside they know that all those people may not love them for their original self. How petty it is to live like that, always wondering if people would love them for their true self. They live in constant pain, still trying to keep everything together by hook or crook, that’s their Karma to live in constant fear of being abandoned.

For the fun part – It’s just a little bit different in my life, being a lightworker I can see everyone’s true self also but I still love them unconditionally. Every soul has love & purity inside but some have forgotten it. When I do that I show them the possibility of what life can be if they change. Kinda like I become their Karma to remember me as an example for their whole life.

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Don’t let others’ opinion affect the definition of you

I’m going to explain what shadow work is. When you integrate back the hidden parts of yourself. Sometimes we hide good parts of ourselves or create false beliefs about ourselves, due to social conditioning when we are told that some of our values are wrong, we reject them too. All those parts of ourselves are rejected and that is called the shadow aspect of mind.

There was an English teacher in school, who I respected like anything and always tried to get his appreciation, never ever actually made me feel better. He would compliment other students for their potential, and not me for my growth.

In 8th standard, there was an inter-school debate. A senior student was supposed to go for it, but for some reason she backed out. So I was chosen to deliver a speech so tough. I didn’t know those words, I didn’t get time to memorize those 4 pages and now I think the speech was so long that it was actually out of the time limit that was given. So ultimately, me having not much experience on stage, with no one to encourage me at a new school and actually being under-qualified for the quality for speech that I was given. I was nervous, then I started shaking on the stage. I was scared, people were looking at me into the eye and I just completed as much part as I could and came back and cried.

So the thing is, I kept thinking for years that I have a stage fear, but actually I don’t have. It was just one more identity imposed on me by the wrong people, wrong circumstances, which was not my original self.

The teacher wanted to show his vocabulary skills instead of winning the debate and preparing the students for good. That’s what is called being self-centred. And I kept thinking for years that if he thinks I am not good, maybe I am not. But now look at me, you just completed reading the whole story & I have realised that I love being in the spotlight too.

Give up on the definitions of yourself that society has conditioned you to believe in.

Never let anyone tell you that you are not enough, you deserve less or you can not make it. You have all that it takes.

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Never seek validation from people about your own story

This is a raw and straight forward write. I am so freaking tired of people telling me that I was never abused and it’s all just in my head.

Really!! Did I do all the healing work and forgive all my abusers and turned my pain into creativity so this pain doesn’t go outward into the world, only to hear that nothing ever happened.

Every time I tried to speak up and seek help that I am being bullied, mobbed, abused, used, misused. I was told that I am overthinking, I have a complex, I have a victim mentality, I am a difficult, negative, toxic person, its a conflict and everyone’s favourite “I am too sensitive”. It was a lot of times the authority which did so. It’s not called authority, it’s called false authority where people try to use their power for their benefit and to suppress others. But no, not anymore. Because I left everything behind, everything that could overpower me to suppress my voice.

People come and ask me what happened to me, what all I faced, I open up and in return I don’t get even a single sentence of empathy but all the shit that it was my fault. No it was not. I didn’t deserve to be treated like that, no matter what. No human deserves to be treated like that.

People, sorry not people, abusers, they abuse you but don’t want to take self responsibility. Because they will have to agree to feel the shame if they did, the same shame that they were running from and abusing others.

I am not giving anyone power to come and tell me that it never happened or I asked for it or I deserved it or it’s because something’s wrong with me. Because it’s not the truth. I’ve never asked for approval or validation from anyone on if I was actually abused or not. Abuse is done to make you feel like you are the problem, when actually it’s the other person. Why should I accept it, to be treated like trash and to take someone else’s garbage as mine.

Everyone of us, who has been abused sometime in our life by someone we probably loved and cared for. We need to look them in the eye and tell them that this happened to me and I didn’t deserve it. You need to fix your shit and if you can’t, then atleast don’t expect me to take it anymore.

This post may not get that many likes, but may be it will turn some people towards self-reflection. May be some people will realise what our so called system can do to a person and why it needs to be changed.

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