This is the favourite lesson learnt by Oprah from Maya Angelou.
People know themselves better than you do, if they tell you that they are not good or kind or truthful or any such characteristics. Don’t be like “oh, no no, you are not mean, I know you”. Because the moment you tell them this, very next moment you will be presented by the truth, like bamm.
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When you have more uninvited hidden followers than official followers. They are haters but also the first fans.
I even have proof about this.
Who noticed first when I wanted to start YouTube channel?
Haters.
Who noticed first when I came out of depression?
Haters.
Who noticed first my skills in painting?
Haters.
Who noticed first when I was changing my career?
Haters.
Who were my first customers when I started my own business?
Haters.
Always be grateful for whatever comes your way, no one will teach you more lessons than a hater.
P.S. This is something I had written long back but always hesitated to post it on the blog. I learnt this concept from one female YouTuber. But I don’t remember her name now.
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So everyone knows I know many Narcissists from my past and with time I have been able to observe them.
They are lazy.. they are damn lazy.
They would tell me not to learn a new thing or try my hands on it, coz I am already doing a lot of things. They even call me fickle minded. Someone first please tell me in which scripture it is mentioned to only have one talent, not more. Why do people go like oh, you are already doing too many things, why would you do one more. It’s simple, I want to do it. My brain wants to expand.
Then after trying to tell you not to do something or putting obstacles, they go do the same thing. Well, what is it now? You trying to steal my ideas?廊
So this is a repeated story with all the Narcs. Some moved to writing, others to blogging, healthy food blogging, motivational speaker, craft, art, Youtubing, makeup artists. So in three years, I had gained a lot of competitors around me. Not like I compete with anyone, but they wanna compete with me.
But I don’t bother much. Why? Because they always give up, they freaking give up. They can’t keep doing the same thing with determination for long. Narc or toxic, they start doing it out of jealousy. They get some admiration, some likes, some ego boost and they think they did it better. So alright, time to chill. And then after some time they get jealous of something else, someone else. They pick up another hobby & the story continues.
On serious note, if you ever deal with a Narc boss. You only have to do one thing. Stick to your plan, work hard, achieve your goals and show them that you don’t give up. Coz, today they may look like having control over you, playing with your self-esteem. But after sometime, they will anyways get bored, but you won’t. You will still keep putting the hard work. They can only do manipulation tactics to distract you, but you can achieve whatever you want. Coz all Empaths have a growth mindset, they are intelligent and they don’t give up.
Narcs always lose, because they are lazy.
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This one just hit me. It took me a long time to learn that I am sensitive to energies. When I accepted this, it led me to accept that I am an Empath.
I was just writing my diary and feeling exhausted after interacting with other people. Whenever this happens I observe myself if it’s because of other’s energies. I thought of sharing this on my blog because it takes a lot of time (years) to learn how your body responds to energies.
If you are interacting with someone, you are in harmony with, it’s not going to make much difference, but only make you happier. This is why everyone prefers to have positive people in their life.
Next comes when you interact with lower energy/vibration people, it drains your energy too. So for a few hours even after the interaction, I can feel dull, it also gives me slight pain in my lower back, which is not my bones, but a feeling of a muscle tear. That is what happens when you absorb others’ lower energies.
Next level is a psychic attack/energy attack. Don’t take this as some voodoo stuff, it’s very common for empaths. Suppose if you are in a troubling relationship with a toxic person, going through a rough phase, most of the time both people are thinking about each other, so this creates an energetic cord if some negative energy is coming highly directed towards you. You are going to feel it. It feels like a pain in the back area, sometimes up to the neck.
For clearing your energy, you can reduce interactions with negative people, meditate, relaxing music, have healthy foods to keep you in good energy. You can also take relaxing hot water baths, use sage smudging sticks, go outside and have a walk. Walk barefoot on the grass and ground yourself. One simple way is to say, “it’s you energy, not mine”, to detach. Do a 5-minute mediation in the morning to protect yourself with a bubble of white light.
This is why it gets exhausting for empaths to work in toxic environments. If it’s regular, it starts affecting their eating & sleeping habits. Productivity, mental, emotional and physical health.
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People look at highly sensitives and empaths as weak. But they are not.
Some may believe that a sensitive person is triggered easily, but it is not the case. Most of the sensitive people trigger others. They show you your own shadow aspect and what needs to be healed. The same reason why Narcs are always after empaths.
Some look at it as, you need to be careful around a sensitive person about how to talk, how to behave, but it’s actually teaching you a right way of behaviour, it shows you your own patterns, coping mechanisms and reached you an emotionally healthy way of being and respecting boundaries.
Sensitives are not weak, it’s only them, who are so much in touch with their emotions. That they can do the work to heal themselves and others too. “They have what it takes”, to go inward, sit with the pain, observe all the emotions and work on them. They can transmute the energy that comes towards them and bring high vibrational energies into their environment. They have the strength to break the chain of negativity, pain and generation of Ancestral trauma.
Empathy is all that it takes to self-reflect, become self-aware, learn self-love and reach self-fulfilment. You are not awake if you don’t have empathy. A lot of great spiritual teachers define awakening by one quality that is humility. No matter how many spiritual practices you do, but if empathy and compassion are missing, you still have a lot to learn.
Most of the Lightworkers, starseeds, healers, earth Angels, highly spiritual people i.e. all high vibrational souls are highly sensitive. They are here to teach everyone a high vibrational way of connection and relationships.
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While writing this post I had one more title in mind -“Life of a person who has never felt jealousy”. Since being a lightworker I have never experienced jealousy.
This is one more reason that I am always focused on my growth and never comparing myself to others. This is a skill that helps me become a better version of myself every day.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bJjc-gaeUqs&feature=share
In the last three years of working on myself, 2 years went only in accepting that people can get so jealous and do something to harm others. It took me a long time to learn how does it feel to people who can feel jealousy. By the third year, I was already so traumatized that I used to be scared of people getting jealous. Because I just wanted peace, so I started dimming my light. That really put me into so much chaos, felt like God is asking me to stop doing it and then I decided to become my authentic self.
I have seen this whole my life ever since childhood, when I studying for IIT JEE, every time. Some negative people first admire you like anything. And then later they blame you for something stupid or probably enjoy your misfortune. This gives them relief from envy.
This is how big jealousy can get. I meet people every month who are highly jealous and try to trouble me or make fun of me or to traumatize me. They don’t help in time of need and be glad that I am facing some difficulty. This is the effect of jealousy, your soul level goes so low that you can not enjoy other soul being happy.
You can never be happy if you have jealousy in your heart. It burns you from the inside. It took me such a long time to understand all of this because I have never felt jealousy. Never to the point of trying to ruin someone’s life or wishing negative about them. Because I guess being an empath that’s not my nature or maybe because I see the big picture of life or could be because my soul power of purity is quite high relatively ( since I am a lightworker too).
Narcissists also try to make you feel jealous of themselves and others because jealousy is the core emotion they live in. They do it by showing off, trying to make you feel insecure and appreciating/flaunting other people around you. I have faced this so many times, every time I tried to analyse why this negative emotion of lack is rising and what it means, I reached only one conclusion that it’s a manipulation tactic and I didn’t have to do much to burry the emotion, it would just transform. Empaths can generate their own energy and transform the energy directed towards them. The only reason that I felt insecure to even a fraction was because I can absorb other’s energies or their projection upon me, it was never my original self.
Some people who are toxic, still ask me you would have done something, you deserved it, it was your mistake, why would so many people get jealous of only one person. Well I think it’s because probably I am a lightworker and knowing the fact that I got so harmed by others ( Lightworkers are meant to go to dark places, to spread light). Which in turn to a Narcissist will feel like why does she get so much attention from others, that also makes them jealous.
The right answer for why did people get jealous of me, I tried to figure it out for long time, I felt everyone was jealous of different things, but now I know the core. Jealousy is at the soul level, because I am a light being.
It’s not always positive attention that a Narcissist enjoys, but negative too. They want to be either the hero and grandiose or victim of everything, they don’t like someone else shining more than them.
Because I started connecting dots for whole my life, I started feeling like maybe it’s true that I am a lightworker. Since lightworkers have to deal with a lot of shit. Don’t worry my story is good. I always had little breakthroughs in some or the other form because I never gave up.
GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES.
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This is a series of posts that I published on my Facebook page earlier. These are same video channels and concepts that helped me while I was dealing with abusers, coming out of it and healing. I will be happy if it can help even one person out there, because I know how horrible it makes you feel. Please bear with me if the writing is not that high quality in this post, because my focus is only on sharing the knowledge. It is mostly for sensitive people, codependents or Empaths, to learn how to deal with Narcissists or Narcissistic people. This process may take several months, go through each point one by one, I think to go through each of the YouTube channels week by week would be better.
Let’s start our training with first being a pro at communication at work.
Dan O Connor’s YouTube channel is the best for that. Sometimes I wonder why this guy is not super popular yet. Really good at this work.
So to save you from any kind of issues, conflicts and bullying you need to be most professional, not including your personal life at work saves you from a lot of shit.
I used to not have boundaries and hence an open person, so personal stuff goes out and troubles come in. Sometimes I was closed off but my blog did the work of revealing my personal life. Learn to keep your communication straight, so people know you can not be marked as an easy target.
About me, I am good. I have learnt a lot from my mistakes and I know how to deal with things. People know I’m not be messed up with anymore. About work, juggling two things at a time does create problems, but it becomes more if you work in a toxic environment. India it’s more, because people don’t want to kind their own work. Always choose the right company with right environment for yourself.
P.S. Indian corporate system could be improved like anything, if we all had professional communication trainings as a part of our studies or workshops. If everyone works on these things, there will be noone to taken as target and no one who is a bully. Because everyone knows the right ethical way to work. This could make everyone so productive. Yes, bullies with any kind of psychological problems can also be trained for regulated/controlled behaviour.
This is the method to Taichi away a toxic argument with any abusive person.
You can do this for the other person also, sometimes even Narcissists go into decompensating state, not arguing but highly unstable state, mostly after you show them the mirror. I used to repeat pure, loveful, peaceful, strong and powerful soul for them too. Without giving away my power, I could sometimes calm down the other person also. Why to pray for an abusive person? It’s beneficial for both people in the situation, plus you are only earning some good Karma.
https://youtu.be/oEWhhEUP6WQhttps://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=Dc_ZOjt0QFA
I use one more technique, which I learnt from Brahmakumaris, if you know Rajyoga, it’s pretty easy. Imagine yourself as a point of light in your forehead between the eyebrows, and repeat I am a pure loveful peaceful soul.
I love Meredith Miller’s channel, learnt quite a few things from here. Her work is simple and easy to understand, plus doesn’t get you addicted to binge-watching videos on Narcissism. Her content is always on point.
I love Sacha Slone’s all videos.. she is awesome, makes it so light-hearted. When I was being abused watching her videos was always kinda making me happy again. She always reminds that you have power in all situations and to not give your power away. After all, an educated empath is a Narcissist’s biggest nightmare.
Yup, I am saying that I am the biggest nightmare in some people’s life, even after being a lightworker. Coz that’s what I am meant to be, I show them the mirror they don’t want to see. What else could bring the change?
I remember one video about “how to have fun with your Narcissist”. Don’t try it if you know that it could bring you more trouble if backfired. But I did try to test if my perception of someone being a Narcissist is correct or not… it worked. After facing so many Narcs it’s not that difficult for me to figure out who is who.. and since I have healthy boundaries now, some toxic people who want to put in the effort, I still do talk to them. Because I set clear expectations like if they do this or that, I will not take it and it will be over. That’s what I mean by training a toxic person to have the right behaviour towards me.
“You always teach people how to treat you, by how you treat yourself.” Don’t let people treat you like shit, don’t reward the behaviour, otherwise they create a perception that you are meant to be treated like this.
Just always respect yourself first, always love yourself first. Set boundaries, don’t give your power away. Don’t keep accepting wrong behaviour from people just to avoid confrontation or to avoid hurting someone.
This video is about how Narcissists make themselves look like a victim. Because actually they do twist the reality in their head, that’s what their disorder is all about. Even intelligent people can get fooled, because they cannot sense the lies. How can you catch the lie, if the other person believed it’s actually true. So Narcissist go around, smearing about you to everyone, that you are a bad person. And then you see the backlash from everyone, not only the Narcissist, without knowing what happened. Hence Narcissistic abuse don’t always come from only one person. But actually from a group of people. Which is called scapegoating, I was scapegoated hell lot of times, being lightworker. Scapegoating means to project insecurities of everyone of a group on a single person.
I put this video intentionally so people realise what I was facing who were in the dynamic of being turned against me by a Narcissist. Everyone must have heard that I am fake, when I am not.
After working on all the things in my life, changing perspective about my career, my relationships, my health. Coming out of depression when all the problems were finally over. This was the last fear that I had to face.
This is from Candace van Del’s channel. I love all of her videos. When it comes to working on fears, you may generally be thinking about the fear of failure, rejection or betrayal. But there so many fears that anyone can have at the subconscious level. So here’s a list of few :
Fear of abandoned, fear of being trapped, fear of not being heard, not being seen, fear of annihilation, fear of death, fear of rejection, fear of betrayal, fear of the unknown, fear of being different, fear of being called crazy, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being judged, fear of being laughed at. And the last one fear of abandonment and enmeshment.
I knew and understood everything how my subconscious programming made me to hide my authentic self. But I was still scared to show the real me to the world. I had a fear of –
“If I show the original me, will I have to loose all the people in my life who I love. But if I don’t do that then I will have to keep living the same old life and it would suffocate me again”
Sit was more like fear of being left out in the cold for shining my light. So I understood how my mind is trying to trick me to not step into the greater possibilities out of fear. And I chose to work through it. And I feel everyone can see the change in me.
Conclusion- only way to work on fears is to just identify that this is a kind of fear that I have. After you address it. It will still come out the next time you face the same situation, but you will tell yourself that “no, this is just a fear. I want to do new things and explore, with hope.” That’s all you need to do and you will notice the fear itself will leave after one or two strikes.
This guy’s channel is great for recovering empaths..
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=tb6pxGK6mF8
This was the only place where I learnt how my nervous system needs to calm down first and then my mind can.
Just recommending it for any Empaths or highly sensitive people.
So if you have been following the last 5 posts. Now you would be at the right state of mind to learn about this one. Ross Rosenberg has created a definite approach for codependency recovery.
What is codependency? If you are an empath, there might be a slight chance that you also deal with this. It’s more like a trait, not a disorder. It’s just that you depend on other people’s opinion of you, you choose to be with abusive people than being alone, people-pleasing, always keep others above yourself on the priority list.
This happens because most of the empaths, do not have boundaries. And because of their empathy, they think other people are also as good as them. But that’s not the reality, abusive/toxic people use your Empathy against you to manipulate you. And day by day they hit at your self-respect, self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence. So if you do not learn to love yourself first, being an empath you are always going to get stuck in this dynamic. This is why Empaths attract Narcissists around them, once you are healed Narcissists can still come around. But their behaviour will piss you off quite fast, you cannot stand someone stepping on your boundaries.
Empaths can be of three types healthy, codependent or proud helpers (Abdul Saab’s channel). The proud helper has a good probability to move towards codependency. When I started learning about spirituality, empathy all these things, I made helping people my purpose, which still is. But I did not do it the right way, so I moved towards codependency. Then I had to cut off all those people who were toxic and had to set boundaries, learn to say NO again, learn to keep myself first be again. Kept practising this and I was out of depression too. The process took only 4-5 months (not 1-1.5 years as mentioned in the video, I feel you can transform very fast when you are spiritual, or maybe the psychologist just wanted to keep the timeline very general) to make myself better and later all was just gaining my complete confidence back.
Including this channel with all other video channels that I have shared, will do the work. You will have a complete guide to recover from any type of issues, especially if you are a sensitive person.
It is very useful content, quite useful for Indians, as in India we treat codependency as a value. Which should not be the case, it doesn’t bring you happiness. When you move from self-love deficiency to self-love abundance, you heal, you become happy, you enjoy mutual relationships and live a happy life. You stop caring about anyone else is going to think, all you think about is what makes you happy. ☺️
P.S. I am proud to say that I am a healed & empowered empath. We are called super empaths & we know how to use our gifts for humanity.
This was the first series, I will probably add one more on confidence coaching & self-love on how to become confident again after abuse.
Thank you for reading it till the end. If you have any queries, let me know in the comment section.
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You know your truth and truth doesn’t need to be proved.
Truth is more powerful than time. Time works out in a way that the truth reveals itself.
Always speak your truth and own it. People who do not face what you face, live what you live, are not equipped to tell you about yourself.
When you finally find who you are, never let anyone walk you out of it about their definition of you. People can be entitled to their version of you, but it does not mean you have to make it your reality. You do you.
If you like my work, please follow and share it with your friends. It means a lot to me, as I am beginner and need everyone’s support. Checkout my social media handles –
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I have been working on myself very hard for 3 years now and I feel it’s time to open up. I have been writing in a lot of posts that I know who I am. It’s going to be a big post but starting is more important.
I am an EMPATH. Empath is a personality type, it’s not a psychological problem, it’s actually how a person’s body and mind is structured to the level of DNA and neurons. We have heightened level of empathy, we can feel other people’s emotions in our body as of our own. Feeling other’s energies introduces sensitivity to sound, big crowdy places, heat, negative people, any kind of violence and toxic environments. It also comes with a gift of creativity and capability to heal myself and others.
I am not an exception, I know and have connected with so many creative people and youtubers who are also are also empaths. I here most of them saying that it’s just that an empath is different, but I see it as being extra ordinary (because I feel it’s time to introduce the Highly sensitives in this world as powerful and not weak). All empaths are very kind, never want to do anything wrong. Empaths are kind, generous, giving, caring but sometimes they do it at the cost of their own happiness.
Most of the empaths have strong intuition in childhood, growing up they learn to fit in the society and suppress their intuition and creativity as well. Sometimes we grow up feeling odd one out and with self-doubt of being crazy. Because we don’t know that the emotions that we feel are other people’s. Feeling anger, criticism, anxiety of everyone around is messy.
It’s very important for Empaths to be aware of what they are. Otherwise they spend most of their life in a limbo, in nihilism. We attract abusers, bullies and energy vampires because we are able to generate our own energy and we have a light because of our goodness. Our light is what attracts more abuse, being sensitive increases the affect of abuse on an empath than on any other type of person.
I have been working on myself and learnt a lot of things about myself. When empath are educated they are more powerful, strong and abuse-free. I have started becoming an empowered empath and rather than being scared of other people’s energies, now I enjoy being me.
Self love is the only thing which saves every empath from a lot of things. It makes us empowered and in control of our emotions. Not only I practice self-love, but it has also become my essence now.
I don’t see being sensitive as a flaw, it makes me different. I feel sensitive to nature, animals, children and people in need and want to help them. Which I don’t thing is a negative quality. My sensitivity brings me so many blessings.
I was waiting for the right time to share this with people, because I needed to be in an empowered state before sharing it. I know there is a chance of people reacting negatively to this. But now I am ready to deal with it.
I have also been going through an spiritual awakening since the time a completely accepted that I am an empath. First it was like an emotional awakening, when I remembered my deep self that I have been hiding. I learnt to love myself, to admire my own uniqueness, to appreciate myself for coming out strong through so many things. Then suddenly all my unconscious fears started coming up, I learnt that it is the “dark knight of the soul” phase that I am going through. Where all my qualities that were suppressed and all the fears that were introduced to me by my surroundings/society. After working on most of them and the big fears, I started blossoming and being happy. It was a feeling of bliss which I had never experienced.
Next I found myself changing psychologically, creatively and in every aspect of my life. Now I just be myself and get in flow with life. It’s like I am blossoming, and sometimes it gets scary because it’s new to me. But it’s still an expansion for me. I am becoming what I was meant to be and I am happy about it.
I am still a work in progress and still do get more realisations every now and then. I still have a lot to explore about myself and life. Sharing my journey with the world is also a part of loving myself unconditionally and fearlessly.
Thanks for bearing through this long post.
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