It’s always the victim who has the power to end the abuse

Wondering why I think so?

The abuser is always a person who does not even know how to regulate his/her own emotions. They can not end the cycle of abuse, never. It always takes the victim to make a decision, once the victim decides, he/she can end the cycle. How?

If with a Narcissist, do not give them what they want. Don’t give them drama. If already past that stage, start showing them the mirror, the Narcissists, they fear coming face to face with their own reality.

(Showing a mirror to Narcissist or walking away, both are a form of compassion for them. Just do not engage in the drama and give them a chance of self-reflection. I know it never works, they never are able to self reflect so much, but maybe they start seeing the truth one by one, victim by victim for their whole life. And probably when they get old, they can recall what they did.)

If it’s not a Narcissist, only a toxic person, don’t engage. Don’t engage with them. They are people who are in so much pain inside, that they want to create the same reality outside. They become self-destructive.

If it’s a person who has some kind of power over you, legally. Walk away (Yes, it sounds like an escape, but read it till the end). Now you would say but then I want to prove myself, my worth, I want to take back everything that they have damaged, my image, recognition everything. But no, you do not engage. You trying to prove your worth keeps you in a cycle, that’s what they want. Instead, you acknowledge your worth on your own and leave. Move on to next phase of your life, prove yourself there and these people will get their lessons on their own.

Walking away is a power, it’s such a big power in itself. When you walk away, you show them the difference between you and them. That you are not willing to waste time on these stupid games. Always remember, walking away is power. It will save you from a lot of misery.

Take back your power, do not put your worth in their hands, do not define your worth by how they treat you. Do not wait for them to accept your worth and treat you right. You are worthy, on your own. You are an amazing fantabulous person, just as you are. Never forget your own worth.

And you never know, if you are strong enough to take this decision, maybe God will smile and give you a chance to prove yourself, just before you are about to leave. I got that chance & I love my decisions now.

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Never seek validation from people about your own story

This is a raw and straight forward write. I am so freaking tired of people telling me that I was never abused and it’s all just in my head.

Really!! Did I do all the healing work and forgive all my abusers and turned my pain into creativity so this pain doesn’t go outward into the world, only to hear that nothing ever happened.

Every time I tried to speak up and seek help that I am being bullied, mobbed, abused, used, misused. I was told that I am overthinking, I have a complex, I have a victim mentality, I am a difficult, negative, toxic person, its a conflict and everyone’s favourite “I am too sensitive”. It was a lot of times the authority which did so. It’s not called authority, it’s called false authority where people try to use their power for their benefit and to suppress others. But no, not anymore. Because I left everything behind, everything that could overpower me to suppress my voice.

People come and ask me what happened to me, what all I faced, I open up and in return I don’t get even a single sentence of empathy but all the shit that it was my fault. No it was not. I didn’t deserve to be treated like that, no matter what. No human deserves to be treated like that.

People, sorry not people, abusers, they abuse you but don’t want to take self responsibility. Because they will have to agree to feel the shame if they did, the same shame that they were running from and abusing others.

I am not giving anyone power to come and tell me that it never happened or I asked for it or I deserved it or it’s because something’s wrong with me. Because it’s not the truth. I’ve never asked for approval or validation from anyone on if I was actually abused or not. Abuse is done to make you feel like you are the problem, when actually it’s the other person. Why should I accept it, to be treated like trash and to take someone else’s garbage as mine.

Everyone of us, who has been abused sometime in our life by someone we probably loved and cared for. We need to look them in the eye and tell them that this happened to me and I didn’t deserve it. You need to fix your shit and if you can’t, then atleast don’t expect me to take it anymore.

This post may not get that many likes, but may be it will turn some people towards self-reflection. May be some people will realise what our so called system can do to a person and why it needs to be changed.

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