Category: mental health

Self Acceptance

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I know it’s going to be hard if you just started your self-love journey. It was, for me too.

Let’s start from the point where I had to start, I had completely rejected and forgotten all parts of me, all my past that I did not like. And then I had to finally face everything.

I haven’t been posting anything about my relationships here, because you know, Indians !! But I can share what is required badly now. Anyways most of the people who know me, they know all of this stuff.

I was in a relationship with a guy, quite toxic. When the relationship started to fall off, in just a few months, I tried to fix everything. He just tried to block me everywhere and I kept trying to fix his life for him. I went on telling him to work on his self-esteem, his friendships, his conflict-avoidant nature. I ended up with no results because you can not change a person unless they want to, this has been a lesson that life kept throwing at me repeatedly for three years, even in friendships and at work, until I started using it into my life.

Whatever I tried to fix for him, in a few months I started observing the same problems in my life. First my own self-esteem, my own habit of people-pleasing, next to my toxic friendships, my boundaries, my priorities and then all patterns that I acquired while growing up.


I was just thrown off into deep shadow work, just like that. My life was falling apart and with that, all my wounds were coming to surface. I started writing all my emotions into a diary, I kept writing each fear of mine into that list. I also wrote each memory from my past that haunted me. Meanwhile, new people, new abusers, new problems, kept coming into my life at the same time. It was very difficult, but I just made it through somehow, all I knew was to not give up.

When I was over the phase of writing everything down, as much as I could m I started working on it one by one. I still have flashbacks of things that I rejected about myself, but now it’s easy because I have practised enough. Every time I remember a bitter memory, I know what wound it caused and what behaviours I learnt, what shame it put me into.

A lot of motivational speakers show self-love as if it’s going to be all good. But it’s a difficult process to learn, it’s not all easy, with self-reflection, you are entering into the journey of facing your Shadows, all the shame that anyone has ever caused in life and made you feel less worthy, it’s all going to come to the surface.

Healing is a journey, there is never going to be an end to it, but after a point, you will reach saturation, and that point is our goal.

Self-acceptance is so important, it means self-reflection, self-love, shadow work, all are being done. Learn to accept all parts of yourself and that a lot of stuff has been put by this world onto you. Start being your own friend, you will start getting rid of the shame, your environment caused you. Self-acceptance made me accept my own mistakes and also whatever wrong was done to me.

If you find your own mistakes, it’s okay to take time to feel the regret, give yourself time to grieve. But after a point, you have to stop grieving and forgive yourself. Some people might have done something, that isn’t forgivable morally. But all you can do is free yourself from resentment. You do not have to carry someone else’s pain anymore. Free yourself. People get their Karma eventually. Your focus should not be about them getting their Karma back, but about taking your power back, giving yourself a chance to live your true authentic self.

Share is not an easy thing to come out of, but you are strong and you can do it. You do not need to share your bad experiences with everyone, but if you will look around, there will be 2-3 people in your life, who will be ready to accept all parts of you. I found that in my family, I never expected it to turn out that way, but they have been through everything with me.

Look around, share it with someone who knows what listening to shame means, who loves you unconditionally, who has a compassionate heart and makes you feel safe. If that is not possible, be your own friend, share things with yourself, learn to console yourself. All you need to do is, be true to yourself. Whatever you show to the world, at least don’t hide the truth from yourself. If you that, your soul suffers with it, I have experienced it personally.

You can always go for therapy, it’s a therapists job to make you feel comfortable and safe to share all your emotions with them. Please do not suffer in silence (adding this part after watching the new today).

Shadow is the part of yourself that you have rejected, out of your own insecurities, because of trauma, the moments of shame and feeling worthless. All those are acknowledged as a shadow. Most of the times, what you hate about others, is also a part of your shadow. Once you have done shadow work, you will know the difference, you will experience self-fulfilment.

So I just shared something personal, yes I have been in love. Every time I thought now I have found the one, I was disappointed, I have a pretty normal life, just like everyone. I thought trying to fix everything on my own in a relationship is unconditional love, then I started noticing this unconditional love is not bringing me happiness as it should have, I learnt to let people go.

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Me 2012 | Story time

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That’s me in 2012, on my Birthday. Second-year in my college. We always had exams around my B’day but they always give 1-2 days gape between each, so I managed to celebrate it with my friends.

I studied very hard to get into a job because that time only a few would get placement in my college. I was studying electronics engineering but developed an interest in C programming by the end of the first year. In the third and fourth year, I used to go to so many coaching, twice a day after 7 hours of college. I learnt everything, programming, algorithms, microprocessors, PLCs, even tried to do preparation for GATE Examination.

Sometimes I feel I didn’t enjoy that much as my other classmates. I did get placement into an IT company, but by that time I just wanted to go for GATE/IES. But I didn’t have confidence in myself if I will be able to concentrate on study for more years. So I decided to go for an IT job because everyone said that since I love programming and I also got a job, I should.

I do regret my decisions sometimes. Out of 5 years, the last 2 years were tough as hell. Not because I didn’t know my work, but because people wanted to prove that I somehow don’t know it. I was overworked, in toxic environments. It even started affecting my health.

It took me time to accept that I am also an artistic person and can give it a try as a career. I always thought I don’t have that in me and so I wasted time in a wrong career. Last year I started to think if I want to take a job in a small city like Mysore or just give up after one more year. Came out of depression and everything exploded, I could not wait any longer to pursue my passion.

You will often hear me saying “ki I was in a wrong career for 5.5 years, I heard engineer is a creative career so I chose it. And isi bat pe sabse jyada kata hai life mein”. Jokes apart, in those 5 years I learnt so much on a personal level and a lot of skills too, looks like I was in a wrong career for a reason.

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The EGO of being RIGHT

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The more you want to be right, the more in ego you are.

Now I am not saying that there’s something wrong in being right. But there are people who always just want to be right, they will do anything to prove the other person wrong. It’s like a war for them or may give them a sense of control, or maybe power, they can go to extent of manipulation and demeaning you, just to prove themselves right.

For some people it’s so important to be right, then whenever they are wrong, it becomes an argument for them, which they want to win at any cost. ‘My way or the highway’ type of thinking. Why is it so important to be right? Because it satisfies your ego. Or maybe you never learnt what it means to argue as a team to resolve an issue and not make it a war where only one can win. For some people it’s a coping mechanism to feel safe in a relationship, to always have things their way.

It affects our relationships so much. Listening is so important but people don’t realise. This is a behavioural pattern that is also created while growing up. It happens only because of ego, learn to tame your ego and you will have better healthier relationships.

Relationships should be based on ‘In this together’ not against each other.

Think, what matters, a relationship which is win-win for both, or for only one person.

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The Secret Key to work on your Fears

I still remember the day when everyone voted for this topic on Instagram. And since I always pick up energies, I could feel the underlying energy around it. Which was a feeling of “there has to be some big secret to work on your fears”. I kept thinking, trying to figure out that one thing and never found anything. Then I was facing one more fear of mine which made me think again.

The truth is there’s no secret key to it. It’s simple. You just need to face your fears, head-on.

Now how do we learn to face our fears?

First, you need to become more conscious of yourself. When you raise your self-awareness and self-reflection, you are able to navigate all your emotions in a better way. If there is a subconscious fear that is making you act a certain way, now you will be able to notice it. Whereas earlier you won’t even realise why you have certain behavioural patterns.

Sometimes it can be a drastic situation or abuse, which brings those issues up to surface anyways, even when you don’t want it. But once you are able to acknowledge a fear you will be able to work on it.

When you know what type of fear you are facing, you need to be your own friend pat yourself on the back and encourage yourself that you can do it. The first time you are going to do feeling scared. The second time you would know that you can conquer it. Next time you will see the fear will be gone.

Whatever it is, that you are scared of, do it, do it anyway. For everything, what will happen if you fail, what people would say. Just do what you want to do. Life is all about living right!!

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The most important factor for happy relationship is Boundaries.

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Some say it takes trust, some say respect, some say unconditional love.

But how would you know how much trust means trust and how much respect means respect for the other person. That’s where boundaries are important.

Unconditional love, people get an idea of selfless love, let the other person do whatever he/she wants, I will keep loving. Can this really work? Another person can exploit your boundaries and expect you to love unconditionally.

True love is when you learn that having boundaries is a part of unconditional love. Not having boundaries is like betraying yourself, not being true to yourself. Can you actually give true love, when you are coming from a place where you are not in 100% alignment with yourself. To be one with anything else, you need to be one with yourself first.

[oneness]Boundaries are the secret of happy relationships, both platonic & non-platonic. Through all these years, when my life was falling apart, the relationship that still sustained are the ones who know how to respect boundaries. Happy relationships are the secret to a happy life.

P.S. Learn the difference between oneness & boundaries. I learnt this from Teal swan.

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It’s always the victim who has the power to end the abuse

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Wondering why I think so?

The abuser is always a person who does not even know how to regulate his/her own emotions. They can not end the cycle of abuse, never. It always takes the victim to make a decision, once the victim decides, he/she can end the cycle. How?

If with a Narcissist, do not give them what they want. Don’t give them drama. If already past that stage, start showing them the mirror, the Narcissists, they fear coming face to face with their own reality.

(Showing a mirror to Narcissist or walking away, both are a form of compassion for them. Just do not engage in the drama and give them a chance of self-reflection. I know it never works, they never are able to self reflect so much, but maybe they start seeing the truth one by one, victim by victim for their whole life. And probably when they get old, they can recall what they did.)

If it’s not a Narcissist, only a toxic person, don’t engage. Don’t engage with them. They are people who are in so much pain inside, that they want to create the same reality outside. They become self-destructive.

If it’s a person who has some kind of power over you, legally. Walk away (Yes, it sounds like an escape, but read it till the end). Now you would say but then I want to prove myself, my worth, I want to take back everything that they have damaged, my image, recognition everything. But no, you do not engage. You trying to prove your worth keeps you in a cycle, that’s what they want. Instead, you acknowledge your worth on your own and leave. Move on to next phase of your life, prove yourself there and these people will get their lessons on their own.

Walking away is a power, it’s such a big power in itself. When you walk away, you show them the difference between you and them. That you are not willing to waste time on these stupid games. Always remember, walking away is power. It will save you from a lot of misery.

Take back your power, do not put your worth in their hands, do not define your worth by how they treat you. Do not wait for them to accept your worth and treat you right. You are worthy, on your own. You are an amazing fantabulous person, just as you are. Never forget your own worth.

And you never know, if you are strong enough to take this decision, maybe God will smile and give you a chance to prove yourself, just before you are about to leave. I got that chance & I love my decisions now.

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An educated empath is a Narcissist’s worst Nightmare

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Did you think empaths have to be scared of Narcissists? It can be the other way around, once the Empath learns their worth.

When empaths learn to love themselves, their self-worth, to discern between fear and intuition, to trust their intuition, to set boundaries and educate themselves over the same single pattern all the Narcissist use every time, they become empowered.

Start your journey today and in some months you will learn to set boundaries, that will itself save you from a lot of Narcs. Psychologists use the term “supply” for a Narcissist’s victims. A good supply is someone who helps the Narcissist inflate his/her ego, gives them validation that they need and lets them have control. If you know how to set boundaries, you will fail a Narcissist as a supply, in the starting few interactions.

Narcissists want to manipulate everyone to feed on their insecurities, so they observe the victim in starting stages of the relationship, that’s the love bombing stage. They will show themselves as the gratified immensely good person they are and how the world is always bad to them. An educated empath in turn, also observes the Narcissist in these starting stages.

If you learn to use your intuition right way and trust it, it will always protect you. I am an intuitive person too, my intuition always tries to tell me something whenever I need protection and I utilise my intuition.

If you educate yourself on Narcissism and your own behaviours that keep you stuck with Narcissists, you will soon learn to come out of the toxic cycle faster with less drama. All Narcissists are scared of being shown the mirror, of their false self-image being broken and educated empaths can do it. Show a Narcissist how inflated their ego is, and they are nowhere close to what they think of themselves.

Using boundaries, you learn to show a Narcissist that all the good qualities they see in themselves are yours, and all the insecurities that they try to project on you to harm your self-worth and keep you stuck in that fog, are all his/her insecurities.

The Narcissist then discards the supply and moves on to a new victim. If you don’t do this, they will anyways discard you after sucking you dry out of the love for yourself, when they have completely ruined you and stolen your identity, they leave, you are not useful to them anymore. They will leave you completely broken & shattered, when you are looking up to them, hoping that they will change. But they don’t change, they know you have sensed that they are not what they were pretending to be, so they leave. They give themselves excuse by saying that you are not as good, positive, energetic person now as they thought you were. Soon you will be out of sight – out of life for them like you never existed for them.

By having boundaries, you can instantly become Narc-repellent. Also, self-love is the only cure to Narcissistic abuse, one day you reach that level of self-love that your happiness comes first than the Narcissist’s, and you become an empowered empath.

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Sensitives are here to show this world a new way of living.

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People look at highly sensitives and empaths as weak. But they are not.

Some may believe that a sensitive person is triggered easily, but it is not the case. Most of the sensitive people trigger others. They show you your own shadow aspect and what needs to be healed. The same reason why Narcs are always after empaths.

Some look at it as, you need to be careful around a sensitive person about how to talk, how to behave, but it’s actually teaching you a right way of behaviour, it shows you your own patterns, coping mechanisms and reached you an emotionally healthy way of being and respecting boundaries.

Sensitives are not weak, it’s only them, who are so much in touch with their emotions. That they can do the work to heal themselves and others too. “They have what it takes”, to go inward, sit with the pain, observe all the emotions and work on them. They can transmute the energy that comes towards them and bring high vibrational energies into their environment. They have the strength to break the chain of negativity, pain and generation of Ancestral trauma.

Empathy is all that it takes to self-reflect, become self-aware, learn self-love and reach self-fulfilment. You are not awake if you don’t have empathy. A lot of great spiritual teachers define awakening by one quality that is humility. No matter how many spiritual practices you do, but if empathy and compassion are missing, you still have a lot to learn.

Most of the Lightworkers, starseeds, healers, earth Angels, highly spiritual people i.e. all high vibrational souls are highly sensitive. They are here to teach everyone a high vibrational way of connection and relationships.

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Why HEALING is Important?

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Healing means to clear all your past wounds and start fresh. Wounds of trauma, probably abuse, violence, shame etc.

It’s important because only after healing yourself you can reach your full potential, find true bliss and enjoy life everyday. You might say that you don’t have any trauma, you don’t have a bad past, but there can be many subconscious wounds that you are not aware of.

If you find yourself doing 5 minute rule for texting, pretending that you are busy, living for people’s approval, feeling over burdened by life, lashing out someone’s anger on someone else, using silent treatments, getting triggered by any online posts, triggered by interacting with people, there is something that requires healing. If you are conflict avoidant, having commitment issues, anger issues, all of it can be healed.

There are so many subconscious fears and societal programming in everyone’s mind that come to surface whenever anything drastic happens in their life. So do you want to wait till that moment when everything comes to surface altogether and bursts into anxiety or you want to go inwards and work on yourself now so that you are always ready to take a difficult situation and transform it into calmer waters.

Those who know that they faced some trauma, they know how it is to feel broken. And only healing can help you bring yourself together again. When you heal yourself, you won’t have to feel broken. I tried healing myself and it happened one day, one day I stopped feeling broken. It can happen for you too. If I can do it, you can do it too. I won’t ask you to have hope, but I can assure you that it works.

Healing can take you towards enlightenment, it introduces you to a high vibrational way of living.

If you liked this post, follow me for regular posts about healing. We will look at the spiritual perspective of healing, how it works and step to heal yourself.

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There’s nothing wrong with you

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I am not asking you to stop self-reflection, we all make mistakes and have our lessons to learn. But the part that I am trying to bring light on is-

We have become so robotic, running this life’s race, that we have forgotten what real connections mean. What feeling heard, feeling loved and feeling enough means.

We need to read Instagram posts and watch motivational videos on YouTube, just to remind ourselves that “I am lovable, I can do it, I do deserve it”. We have lost touch with ourselves, so much that in real life there’s no one who tells you this.

That’s how we all live a life feeling not enough, not heard, not lovable, not deserving and then every day looks like a struggle. Everyone goes around facing problems, complaining, being sad, unmotivated, feeling miserable and some even end up creating troubles for others. Only because no one feels good about themselves.

We have created this never-ending loop, maybe it’s time we start appreciating each other, and more than that, start appreciating ourselves, loving ourselves.

I realised this when I am finally over all the negative stuff and I realise, “wow there’s nothing wrong with me, there was nothing wrong with me ever”. But why did I feel like that, because there was no one to say these words to me, and even if some people did, all those problems, all that fog leaves an impression on subconscious that there must be something wrong, otherwise why so many problems. Logically I knew it’s not my fault, but some things still enter your subconscious. Including people who were trying to make me feel like there’s is something wrong with me, all this time. I get to think that this is a problem, probably one that everyone deals with.

Just because your life is full of problems, it does not mean you are not enough, it’s just a part of destiny. So do not entangle what happens on the outside, with what happens on the inside. When you feel good inside, every day is a blessing. Love yourself.

What we talked about here is a deep inner child wound and needs healing.

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