It takes a selfless person to do all the healing work. So if you are doing it, appreciation from the universe for you.
It takes a lot of dedication to work on all the wounds, some of which are not your own, they come from society, your environment, your ancestors.
Self-love involves healing, because when you heal you create such good karma for yourself and all the generations that are going to come after you. When you heal yourself, you present authenticity to your connections, you give them true unconditional love.
Some say it takes trust, some say respect, some say unconditional love.
But how would you know how much trust means trust and how much respect means respect for the other person. That’s where boundaries are important.
Unconditional love, people get an idea of selfless love, let the other person do whatever he/she wants, I will keep loving. Can this really work? Another person can exploit your boundaries and expect you to love unconditionally.
True love is when you learn that having boundaries is a part of unconditional love. Not having boundaries is like betraying yourself, not being true to yourself. Can you actually give true love, when you are coming from a place where you are not in 100% alignment with yourself. To be one with anything else, you need to be one with yourself first.
[oneness]Boundaries are the secret of happy relationships, both platonic & non-platonic. Through all these years, when my life was falling apart, the relationship that still sustained are the ones who know how to respect boundaries. Happy relationships are the secret to a happy life.
P.S. Learn the difference between oneness & boundaries. I learnt this from Teal swan.
Did you think empaths have to be scared of Narcissists? It can be the other way around, once the Empath learns their worth.
When empaths learn to love themselves, their self-worth, to discern between fear and intuition, to trust their intuition, to set boundaries and educate themselves over the same single pattern all the Narcissist use every time, they become empowered.
Start your journey today and in some months you will learn to set boundaries, that will itself save you from a lot of Narcs. Psychologists use the term “supply” for a Narcissist’s victims. A good supply is someone who helps the Narcissist inflate his/her ego, gives them validation that they need and lets them have control. If you know how to set boundaries, you will fail a Narcissist as a supply, in the starting few interactions.
Narcissists want to manipulate everyone to feed on their insecurities, so they observe the victim in starting stages of the relationship, that’s the love bombing stage. They will show themselves as the gratified immensely good person they are and how the world is always bad to them. An educated empath in turn, also observes the Narcissist in these starting stages.
If you learn to use your intuition right way and trust it, it will always protect you. I am an intuitive person too, my intuition always tries to tell me something whenever I need protection and I utilise my intuition.
If you educate yourself on Narcissism and your own behaviours that keep you stuck with Narcissists, you will soon learn to come out of the toxic cycle faster with less drama. All Narcissists are scared of being shown the mirror, of their false self-image being broken and educated empaths can do it. Show a Narcissist how inflated their ego is, and they are nowhere close to what they think of themselves.
Using boundaries, you learn to show a Narcissist that all the good qualities they see in themselves are yours, and all the insecurities that they try to project on you to harm your self-worth and keep you stuck in that fog, are all his/her insecurities.
The Narcissist then discards the supply and moves on to a new victim. If you don’t do this, they will anyways discard you after sucking you dry out of the love for yourself, when they have completely ruined you and stolen your identity, they leave, you are not useful to them anymore. They will leave you completely broken & shattered, when you are looking up to them, hoping that they will change. But they don’t change, they know you have sensed that they are not what they were pretending to be, so they leave. They give themselves excuse by saying that you are not as good, positive, energetic person now as they thought you were. Soon you will be out of sight – out of life for them like you never existed for them.
By having boundaries, you can instantly become Narc-repellent. Also, self-love is the only cure to Narcissistic abuse, one day you reach that level of self-love that your happiness comes first than the Narcissist’s, and you become an empowered empath.
Healing means to clear all your past wounds and start fresh. Wounds of trauma, probably abuse, violence, shame etc.
It’s important because only after healing yourself you can reach your full potential, find true bliss and enjoy life everyday. You might say that you don’t have any trauma, you don’t have a bad past, but there can be many subconscious wounds that you are not aware of.
If you find yourself doing 5 minute rule for texting, pretending that you are busy, living for people’s approval, feeling over burdened by life, lashing out someone’s anger on someone else, using silent treatments, getting triggered by any online posts, triggered by interacting with people, there is something that requires healing. If you are conflict avoidant, having commitment issues, anger issues, all of it can be healed.
There are so many subconscious fears and societal programming in everyone’s mind that come to surface whenever anything drastic happens in their life. So do you want to wait till that moment when everything comes to surface altogether and bursts into anxiety or you want to go inwards and work on yourself now so that you are always ready to take a difficult situation and transform it into calmer waters.
Those who know that they faced some trauma, they know how it is to feel broken. And only healing can help you bring yourself together again. When you heal yourself, you won’t have to feel broken. I tried healing myself and it happened one day, one day I stopped feeling broken. It can happen for you too. If I can do it, you can do it too. I won’t ask you to have hope, but I can assure you that it works.
Healing can take you towards enlightenment, it introduces you to a high vibrational way of living.
If you liked this post, follow me for regular posts about healing. We will look at the spiritual perspective of healing, how it works and step to heal yourself.
I am not asking you to stop self-reflection, we all make mistakes and have our lessons to learn. But the part that I am trying to bring light on is-
We have become so robotic, running this life’s race, that we have forgotten what real connections mean. What feeling heard, feeling loved and feeling enough means.
We need to read Instagram posts and watch motivational videos on YouTube, just to remind ourselves that “I am lovable, I can do it, I do deserve it”. We have lost touch with ourselves, so much that in real life there’s no one who tells you this.
That’s how we all live a life feeling not enough, not heard, not lovable, not deserving and then every day looks like a struggle. Everyone goes around facing problems, complaining, being sad, unmotivated, feeling miserable and some even end up creating troubles for others. Only because no one feels good about themselves.
We have created this never-ending loop, maybe it’s time we start appreciating each other, and more than that, start appreciating ourselves, loving ourselves.
I realised this when I am finally over all the negative stuff and I realise, “wow there’s nothing wrong with me, there was nothing wrong with me ever”. But why did I feel like that, because there was no one to say these words to me, and even if some people did, all those problems, all that fog leaves an impression on subconscious that there must be something wrong, otherwise why so many problems. Logically I knew it’s not my fault, but some things still enter your subconscious. Including people who were trying to make me feel like there’s is something wrong with me, all this time. I get to think that this is a problem, probably one that everyone deals with.
Just because your life is full of problems, it does not mean you are not enough, it’s just a part of destiny. So do not entangle what happens on the outside, with what happens on the inside. When you feel good inside, every day is a blessing. Love yourself.
What we talked about here is a deep inner child wound and needs healing.
I choose to be a fighter, I choose to be a protector, I choose to be a defender, I choose to be a nurturer.
I choose to fight the wrong, I choose to be the voice for justice, I choose to make the noise, I choose to be the change, I choose to be fearless, I choose to be unstoppable.
I choose to be a rebel, a dreamer, a truth teller, a way shower. But first, I choose to be a human.
Today is the day when I cannot control my anger anymore. I have seen every kind of pain. Sometimes the pain and anger creeps in and gets on my nerves. Sometimes I wonder why me , why I always had breakthroughs in all those struggles. Then I realise it’s a life of destiny and I choose to take the call to be the voice.
And one day you will be whole and feel in complete in yourself.
This one is so close to my heart, nobody actually knows how much I have been through, a series of unlimited problems, that broke me to the core. But I never gave up and finally I am starting to feel whole again with myself. I am falling in love with myself again.
No matter how hard I try, I can not express this into words. I felt as if the whole world was against me and I questioned why nobody tried to help me, and they I broke into tears realising how many forces were with me trying to help me all this long, something brought so many breakthroughs for me. I cannot be grateful enough.
Remember, what you are going through today, will make you tough like a diamond tomorrow and you will shine. Never give up, never leave hope. Time will change, it may take years, but it will.
One of my oldest writes. 18 May 2018. Triggered quite a lot of people that time, though I didn’t realise then that they are fake.
How to recognise toxic friends? That friend who puts a status when you share your failure with them and gets competitive at your success. Who always talk about your not-so-good moments to others and rarely your qualities. People who always find something to blame you for or always make you feel invalidated. Who are probably never there for you, but you are always, no reciprocity. Friends who get jealous, compare your life with theirs, criticize you, discourage you when you talk about your dreams. Definitely wrong types of friends.
I filtered people in my life for quite a good amount of time, say 2 years and I know how healthy friendship feels like. Unhealthy friendship is one of those things that you don’t realise until you experience something better.
Why is it important to cut toxic people out of life? You become like the 5 closest people in your life, so you need to stay away from misery. If you are investing your time in the wrong people, you will have less time for the right people. The right people are those who will always work on themselves & all the issues, to meet you halfway in any kind of relationship. Friendship is an important one, because this is the only relation we get to choose completely by ourselves.
It takes a lot of courage to cut contacts with people, but once you are through the process, you will feel more loved, excited about life & end up thanking yourself for doing it, loving yourself more.
I literally started with feeling guilty of giving up on people, but now I am proud of my decisions. But what if I didn’t give up on them? What if I gave up on myself?? . So give yourself permission to become your truest authentic self. Your journey starts with choosing people who align with it.
The Pretty Smart Techie 