You think people are hurt and don’t know what they are doing.. They do know it somewhere deep inside, but they choose not to take responsibility for what they do. Just to hide from guilt, regret, shame or being responsible for something.
We take adjustment in relationships to next level, when we think they are not able to realise something. But actually we need to let them realise and do their inner work. You can not save somebody from this pain, by sacrificing on your side. The same pain leads them to grow into a better person.
There is always a limit on what can be forgiven and what can be adjusted. Hurt people, hurt people. It works when you want to forgive someone, but does not if you keep letting someone cross your boundaries.
Any sort of relationship works well only when both sides meet each other half way.
One of my oldest writes. 18 May 2018. Triggered quite a lot of people that time, though I didn’t realise then that they are fake.
How to recognise toxic friends? That friend who puts a status when you share your failure with them and gets competitive at your success. Who always talk about your not-so-good moments to others and rarely your qualities. People who always find something to blame you for or always make you feel invalidated. Who are probably never there for you, but you are always, no reciprocity. Friends who get jealous, compare your life with theirs, criticize you, discourage you when you talk about your dreams. Definitely wrong types of friends.
I filtered people in my life for quite a good amount of time, say 2 years and I know how healthy friendship feels like. Unhealthy friendship is one of those things that you don’t realise until you experience something better.
Why is it important to cut toxic people out of life? You become like the 5 closest people in your life, so you need to stay away from misery. If you are investing your time in the wrong people, you will have less time for the right people. The right people are those who will always work on themselves & all the issues, to meet you halfway in any kind of relationship. Friendship is an important one, because this is the only relation we get to choose completely by ourselves.
It takes a lot of courage to cut contacts with people, but once you are through the process, you will feel more loved, excited about life & end up thanking yourself for doing it, loving yourself more.
I literally started with feeling guilty of giving up on people, but now I am proud of my decisions. But what if I didn’t give up on them? What if I gave up on myself?? . So give yourself permission to become your truest authentic self. Your journey starts with choosing people who align with it.
Do you feel that people will not allow you to be your best version? It’s just a self limiting belief, a mental block and a subtle example of victim consciousness.
I have been through this too, I was scared if people will be able to accept me being my best version or not. Now I realise I was actually scared of myself, because I had never been the great person that I had the potential to become.
If you think people will not let you live your best life, probably you have too many toxic people in your life & you might need to start removing them from your life. Because they might want you to be stuck with them in misery when they see you growing. Learn to give yourself priority and set boundaries straight with them.
For the bigger picture, the whole world, everywhere on this planet earth, everything operates on two things – control & fear. If you are going to wait for people to give you permission to become free, fearless and authentic. That’s never going to happen for real, so it’s only you who can give yourself permission to be your best, no one else can. Learn to give yourself permission. Don’t wait for people to validate you, just do it.
People who love you truly, will appreciate the change. Most likely everyone is going to love you more than you expected. Toxic people will start seeing what God has ordained on your life & leave you alone. You will also get a chance to let go of what doesn’t serve you anymore, by looking at people who don’t like the change in you.
When you become your authentic self, every aspect of your life, all your relationships will transform for good.
Let’s talk about why taking a stand is important and why it matters to me.
Do you wonder, being an empath and a spiritual person, why do I always talk about haters. There’s not a single person in my followers who leave a negative comment or hate. My haters are only people who I had to deal with in my own life. I took a stand and some hate me for that. Some hate me for “what does she think of herself”. Some hate me for showing them their wounds. Some hate me because I did not take the abuse they were trying to throw on me. Some hate me because I come out stronger everytime. Some hate me thinking that I put hurdles in their easy going life. Some hate me because they blame me for their own issues.
But was it really me who was the source of their pain? Or people do it to themselves. When humans get so overtaken by their ego, that they start to think they can play God. They do all he things they should not and so Karma hits them back. There would be people who are busy hating on me, still reading this post, like someone invited them to read.
People hate me for shaking the system. But what if today I am a target and tomorrow it could be you, someone else more powerful than you could come and crush you like anything. Don’t like that feeling right.
It’s written in Bhagvat Geeta that “No-one can decide your Dharma, only you can”. The thing you could not stand and what happened to you personally, to stop that thing completely should be your purpose. Because nobody knows tomorrow how many people will be killed for it, only because you did not raise your voice. Geeta is about peace but it also teaches us when to be silent and when not to be.
There’s one thing called collective Karma, you saw something wrong happen, but did nothing about it. Yes, someone else was getting credit for doing it, but sometimes indifference means support. ( Psychologically that’s the bi-stander effect, tomorrow you can be the target too.)
I chose my Dharma. If it was not me, it would be someone else some other day. Truth does not change, only who speaks it and when.
And maybe there’s one thing that people don’t know about me, which causes the problem. Just like Arjuna felt guilty fighting the war, even I do. (Not trying to compare myself to someone, but just trying to show you how it can feel.) It took me time to forgive myself and this was my lesson.” to fight or not to fight, nothing brings peace. You have to find it inside yourself”. I did not fight once and regretted it, so I fought the next time and still found regret.
I felt guilty for fighting against people who were my culprits. Why? I am an empath, that’s my core. I can’t see anyone in pain, but I learnt to forgive myself and let people learn their lessons, I can not save everyone. So I chose to choose my Dharma. They also tried to guilt-trip me, but I was aware, I felt guilty only for my own reasons.
But am I going to stop taking a stand? No, but I would try to do it in a better way. By being my authentic self, I will make people self-reflect and show them the light. I will bring more people to this journey of self-reflection, but my purpose remains same.
A confident person will never try to make anyone feel insecure, only an insecure person will.
I dealt with so many toxic people that this became my Mantra, I have it by heart. As soon as someone tries to put me down or make me feel bad about myself, I look at them and I see their value in their own eyes. It takes me minutes to realise and I don’t stay in the low state for long. Time & experiences make you tough.
Always have a bigger perspective, a person who tries to make anyone feel insecure, is insecure himself. Anyone who demotivates you, doesn’t appreciate your effort, criticizes you, is doing it because probably he can never even put the effort that you are putting in.
Have this by heart, never think twice on those negative voices, take minutes to self-reflect and learn if there is a possibility to improve, otherwise leave the situation there. Do not waste time arguing with stupid people, set boundaries and leave.
They ain’t paying your bills, you ain’t gotta pay them your mind. ✌🏻 Don’t take that shit & own who you are.
If you ever wonder why bad people don’t get their Karma back. Truth is they are already living with their karma.
The reason they do all those bad deeds unconsciously, their unconsciousness itself is their karma.
Highly unconscious people try to gain power by manipulating or controlling other’s in their life. And they do get it, but deep inside they know that all those people may not love them for their original self. How petty it is to live like that, always wondering if people would love them for their true self. They live in constant pain, still trying to keep everything together by hook or crook, that’s their Karma to live in constant fear of being abandoned.
For the fun part – It’s just a little bit different in my life, being a lightworker I can see everyone’s true self also but I still love them unconditionally. Every soul has love & purity inside but some have forgotten it. When I do that I show them the possibility of what life can be if they change. Kinda like I become their Karma to remember me as an example for their whole life.
While writing this post I had one more title in mind -“Life of a person who has never felt jealousy”. Since being a lightworker I have never experienced jealousy.
This is one more reason that I am always focused on my growth and never comparing myself to others. This is a skill that helps me become a better version of myself every day.
In the last three years of working on myself, 2 years went only in accepting that people can get so jealous and do something to harm others. It took me a long time to learn how does it feel to people who can feel jealousy. By the third year, I was already so traumatized that I used to be scared of people getting jealous. Because I just wanted peace, so I started dimming my light. That really put me into so much chaos, felt like God is asking me to stop doing it and then I decided to become my authentic self.
I have seen this whole my life ever since childhood, when I studying for IIT JEE, every time. Some negative people first admire you like anything. And then later they blame you for something stupid or probably enjoy your misfortune. This gives them relief from envy.
This is how big jealousy can get. I meet people every month who are highly jealous and try to trouble me or make fun of me or to traumatize me. They don’t help in time of need and be glad that I am facing some difficulty. This is the effect of jealousy, your soul level goes so low that you can not enjoy other soul being happy.
You can never be happy if you have jealousy in your heart. It burns you from the inside. It took me such a long time to understand all of this because I have never felt jealousy. Never to the point of trying to ruin someone’s life or wishing negative about them. Because I guess being an empath that’s not my nature or maybe because I see the big picture of life or could be because my soul power of purity is quite high relatively ( since I am a lightworker too).
Narcissists also try to make you feel jealous of themselves and others because jealousy is the core emotion they live in. They do it by showing off, trying to make you feel insecure and appreciating/flaunting other people around you. I have faced this so many times, every time I tried to analyse why this negative emotion of lack is rising and what it means, I reached only one conclusion that it’s a manipulation tactic and I didn’t have to do much to burry the emotion, it would just transform. Empaths can generate their own energy and transform the energy directed towards them. The only reason that I felt insecure to even a fraction was because I can absorb other’s energies or their projection upon me, it was never my original self.
Some people who are toxic, still ask me you would have done something, you deserved it, it was your mistake, why would so many people get jealous of only one person. Well I think it’s because probably I am a lightworker and knowing the fact that I got so harmed by others ( Lightworkers are meant to go to dark places, to spread light). Which in turn to a Narcissist will feel like why does she get so much attention from others, that also makes them jealous.
The right answer for why did people get jealous of me, I tried to figure it out for long time, I felt everyone was jealous of different things, but now I know the core. Jealousy is at the soul level, because I am a light being.
It’s not always positive attention that a Narcissist enjoys, but negative too. They want to be either the hero and grandiose or victim of everything, they don’t like someone else shining more than them.
Because I started connecting dots for whole my life, I started feeling like maybe it’s true that I am a lightworker. Since lightworkers have to deal with a lot of shit. Don’t worry my story is good. I always had little breakthroughs in some or the other form because I never gave up.
There’s this thing called self-deception, which means self-betrayal.
Some people are going to betray you, sometimes life is going to betray you. But when you start betraying yourself, you also betray people who truly care for you. This brings hell lot of betrayal, so always be careful to not betray yourself.
To betray yourself means to not listen to your own intuition, to self-sabotage and to not let yourself move towards happiness, to give yourself excuses to stay in toxic situations with wrong people. Basically, you remove yourself from moving towards your own true happiness.
Always be true to yourself, that makes your soul happy. It’s your choice if you want to sacrifice or not, but always know the right reason why you are doing it. Because it may not take long until you realise your mistake.
When you love yourself completely, you are always ready to take a leap of faith towards your own happiness. This is a part of self-love to be truly authentic and true to yourself.
Thank you for reading it till the end. If you have any queries, let me know in the comment section.
Everytime you think you found someone who you can love more than yourself, they will prove you wrong.
Self-love
Noone in this world deserves your love more than you do. It’s only you who is going to stick up with yourselves for the whole life.
People will come and go, they will change, change their priorities, all that will remain is your relationship with yourself.
Always be true to yourself, never hide what you feel, because it’s worth it. You are worthy to feel how you want to, to live how you want to, to be how you want to.
Thank you for reading it till the end. If you have any queries, let me know in the comment section.
The Pretty Smart Techie 