I may look cute but I am not weak. I am a multifaceted and multidimensional being, I can shift my energy into being powerful and fearless at any time. Do not test my fury.
I am an old soul and each life I lived different, as a star in the cosmos a spiritual leader and a warrior, as a man, as a woman, as a healer, as a fighter, as a warrior, as an artist, as a leader, as an innocent person, as an oppressed community, I have been admired, abused, tortured, I have been killed in wars, I have died alone, I have lived in peace and I have lived in chaos too. I have been trained well for lifetimes and do not doubt if there’s a still a type that I can not turn into.
I am a combination of light and dark, where light has conquered the darkness, but if the light would want to use the darkness for good, it will.
I chose to incarnate many times to train myself and went through all that pain to become perfect for my job of a Lightworker in this life. I am going to use what I learnt. So do not doubt what I can bring to the table.
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The shadow is about what parts you have rejected of yourself, when you were told by someone else, your environment and your society that it’s not good to be different, strong or opinionated. It’s just about your rejected characteristics, you decided to keep them in a box inside you but never use them. And possibly, all characteristics out of those were not as bad as someone told you, just to keep you suppressed and in control.
When you integrate your shadow-self back within you, after that there’s no shadow anymore, it all becomes you. You can love all parts of yourself and not be afraid of anyone’s disapproval. You just need to accept yourself, let everyone else do there bid. You love yourself completely, regardless!!. Shadow work is not only about integrating your rejected parts back, but also about looking at your own wounds, accepting them and healing. When you work on your wounds, you also get to see all of your subconscious fears and insecurities. So shadow work is a lot more than anyone can think, it’s the ultimate self-development.
Dark Night of the soul and shadow work come hand in hand. When your soul hits the dark night, you cannot run away from shadow work anymore. It makes you question everything, everything that social conditioning taught you. The journey is painful, but after going through it, you can experience ultimate fulfilment.
Self-acceptance is a must for self-love. And when you accept your shadow also as your own SELF, you become an empowered individual.
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I know it’s going to be hard if you just started your self-love journey. It was, for me too.
Let’s start from the point where I had to start, I had completely rejected and forgotten all parts of me, all my past that I did not like. And then I had to finally face everything.
I haven’t been posting anything about my relationships here, because you know, Indians !! But I can share what is required badly now. Anyways most of the people who know me, they know all of this stuff.
I was in a relationship with a guy, quite toxic. When the relationship started to fall off, in just a few months, I tried to fix everything. He just tried to block me everywhere and I kept trying to fix his life for him. I went on telling him to work on his self-esteem, his friendships, his conflict-avoidant nature. I ended up with no results because you can not change a person unless they want to, this has been a lesson that life kept throwing at me repeatedly for three years, even in friendships and at work, until I started using it into my life.
Whatever I tried to fix for him, in a few months I started observing the same problems in my life. First my own self-esteem, my own habit of people-pleasing, next to my toxic friendships, my boundaries, my priorities and then all patterns that I acquired while growing up.
I was just thrown off into deep shadow work, just like that. My life was falling apart and with that, all my wounds were coming to surface. I started writing all my emotions into a diary, I kept writing each fear of mine into that list. I also wrote each memory from my past that haunted me. Meanwhile, new people, new abusers, new problems, kept coming into my life at the same time. It was very difficult, but I just made it through somehow, all I knew was to not give up.
When I was over the phase of writing everything down, as much as I could m I started working on it one by one. I still have flashbacks of things that I rejected about myself, but now it’s easy because I have practised enough. Every time I remember a bitter memory, I know what wound it caused and what behaviours I learnt, what shame it put me into.
A lot of motivational speakers show self-love as if it’s going to be all good. But it’s a difficult process to learn, it’s not all easy, with self-reflection, you are entering into the journey of facing your Shadows, all the shame that anyone has ever caused in life and made you feel less worthy, it’s all going to come to the surface.
Healing is a journey, there is never going to be an end to it, but after a point, you will reach saturation, and that point is our goal.
Self-acceptance is so important, it means self-reflection, self-love, shadow work, all are being done. Learn to accept all parts of yourself and that a lot of stuff has been put by this world onto you. Start being your own friend, you will start getting rid of the shame, your environment caused you. Self-acceptance made me accept my own mistakes and also whatever wrong was done to me.
If you find your own mistakes, it’s okay to take time to feel the regret, give yourself time to grieve. But after a point, you have to stop grieving and forgive yourself. Some people might have done something, that isn’t forgivable morally. But all you can do is free yourself from resentment. You do not have to carry someone else’s pain anymore. Free yourself. People get their Karma eventually. Your focus should not be about them getting their Karma back, but about taking your power back, giving yourself a chance to live your true authentic self.
Share is not an easy thing to come out of, but you are strong and you can do it. You do not need to share your bad experiences with everyone, but if you will look around, there will be 2-3 people in your life, who will be ready to accept all parts of you. I found that in my family, I never expected it to turn out that way, but they have been through everything with me.
Look around, share it with someone who knows what listening to shame means, who loves you unconditionally, who has a compassionate heart and makes you feel safe. If that is not possible, be your own friend, share things with yourself, learn to console yourself. All you need to do is, be true to yourself. Whatever you show to the world, at least don’t hide the truth from yourself. If you that, your soul suffers with it, I have experienced it personally.
You can always go for therapy, it’s a therapists job to make you feel comfortable and safe to share all your emotions with them. Please do not suffer in silence (adding this part after watching the new today).
Shadow is the part of yourself that you have rejected, out of your own insecurities, because of trauma, the moments of shame and feeling worthless. All those are acknowledged as a shadow. Most of the times, what you hate about others, is also a part of your shadow. Once you have done shadow work, you will know the difference, you will experience self-fulfilment.
So I just shared something personal, yes I have been in love. Every time I thought now I have found the one, I was disappointed, I have a pretty normal life, just like everyone. I thought trying to fix everything on my own in a relationship is unconditional love, then I started noticing this unconditional love is not bringing me happiness as it should have, I learnt to let people go.
I still remember the day when everyone voted for this topic on Instagram. And since I always pick up energies, I could feel the underlying energy around it. Which was a feeling of “there has to be some big secret to work on your fears”. I kept thinking, trying to figure out that one thing and never found anything. Then I was facing one more fear of mine which made me think again.
The truth is there’s no secret key to it. It’s simple. You just need to face your fears, head-on.
Now how do we learn to face our fears?
First, you need to become more conscious of yourself. When you raise your self-awareness and self-reflection, you are able to navigate all your emotions in a better way. If there is a subconscious fear that is making you act a certain way, now you will be able to notice it. Whereas earlier you won’t even realise why you have certain behavioural patterns.
Sometimes it can be a drastic situation or abuse, which brings those issues up to surface anyways, even when you don’t want it. But once you are able to acknowledge a fear you will be able to work on it.
When you know what type of fear you are facing, you need to be your own friend pat yourself on the back and encourage yourself that you can do it. The first time you are going to do feeling scared. The second time you would know that you can conquer it. Next time you will see the fear will be gone.
Whatever it is, that you are scared of, do it, do it anyway. For everything, what will happen if you fail, what people would say. Just do what you want to do. Life is all about living right!!
It takes a selfless person to do all the healing work. So if you are doing it, appreciation from the universe for you.
It takes a lot of dedication to work on all the wounds, some of which are not your own, they come from society, your environment, your ancestors.
Self-love involves healing, because when you heal you create such good karma for yourself and all the generations that are going to come after you. When you heal yourself, you present authenticity to your connections, you give them true unconditional love.
Be yourself. Your truest authentic self. That is what makes you live more.
If you want to experience life to it’s best you need to stop trying to fit in and be you. You have your own light and you cannot keep dimming it for people. I mean who asked a unicorn to act like a horse. You are pink-purple, blue, shiny, glittery, furry, but you are damn better than those black, brown & white horses.
It takes a lot of hard work, struggles and pain to find yourself. And once you know who you are, never turn back.
No matter what the world tells you. You are born to stand out and not fit in. Stop doing what you are not meant to. You do you and the rest will follow. . . . If you liked this post, please like, follow and share with your friends.
P.S. I know this quote is everywhere already but I am not sure who wrote it.
The abuser is always a person who does not even know how to regulate his/her own emotions. They can not end the cycle of abuse, never. It always takes the victim to make a decision, once the victim decides, he/she can end the cycle. How?
If with a Narcissist, do not give them what they want. Don’t give them drama. If already past that stage, start showing them the mirror, the Narcissists, they fear coming face to face with their own reality.
(Showing a mirror to Narcissist or walking away, both are a form of compassion for them. Just do not engage in the drama and give them a chance of self-reflection. I know it never works, they never are able to self reflect so much, but maybe they start seeing the truth one by one, victim by victim for their whole life. And probably when they get old, they can recall what they did.)
If it’s not a Narcissist, only a toxic person, don’t engage. Don’t engage with them. They are people who are in so much pain inside, that they want to create the same reality outside. They become self-destructive.
If it’s a person who has some kind of power over you, legally. Walk away (Yes, it sounds like an escape, but read it till the end). Now you would say but then I want to prove myself, my worth, I want to take back everything that they have damaged, my image, recognition everything. But no, you do not engage. You trying to prove your worth keeps you in a cycle, that’s what they want. Instead, you acknowledge your worth on your own and leave. Move on to next phase of your life, prove yourself there and these people will get their lessons on their own.
Walking away is a power, it’s such a big power in itself. When you walk away, you show them the difference between you and them. That you are not willing to waste time on these stupid games. Always remember, walking away is power. It will save you from a lot of misery.
Take back your power, do not put your worth in their hands, do not define your worth by how they treat you. Do not wait for them to accept your worth and treat you right. You are worthy, on your own. You are an amazing fantabulous person, just as you are. Never forget your own worth.
And you never know, if you are strong enough to take this decision, maybe God will smile and give you a chance to prove yourself, just before you are about to leave. I got that chance & I love my decisions now.
I am not asking you to stop self-reflection, we all make mistakes and have our lessons to learn. But the part that I am trying to bring light on is-
We have become so robotic, running this life’s race, that we have forgotten what real connections mean. What feeling heard, feeling loved and feeling enough means.
We need to read Instagram posts and watch motivational videos on YouTube, just to remind ourselves that “I am lovable, I can do it, I do deserve it”. We have lost touch with ourselves, so much that in real life there’s no one who tells you this.
That’s how we all live a life feeling not enough, not heard, not lovable, not deserving and then every day looks like a struggle. Everyone goes around facing problems, complaining, being sad, unmotivated, feeling miserable and some even end up creating troubles for others. Only because no one feels good about themselves.
We have created this never-ending loop, maybe it’s time we start appreciating each other, and more than that, start appreciating ourselves, loving ourselves.
I realised this when I am finally over all the negative stuff and I realise, “wow there’s nothing wrong with me, there was nothing wrong with me ever”. But why did I feel like that, because there was no one to say these words to me, and even if some people did, all those problems, all that fog leaves an impression on subconscious that there must be something wrong, otherwise why so many problems. Logically I knew it’s not my fault, but some things still enter your subconscious. Including people who were trying to make me feel like there’s is something wrong with me, all this time. I get to think that this is a problem, probably one that everyone deals with.
Just because your life is full of problems, it does not mean you are not enough, it’s just a part of destiny. So do not entangle what happens on the outside, with what happens on the inside. When you feel good inside, every day is a blessing. Love yourself.
What we talked about here is a deep inner child wound and needs healing.
And one day you will be whole and feel in complete in yourself.
This one is so close to my heart, nobody actually knows how much I have been through, a series of unlimited problems, that broke me to the core. But I never gave up and finally I am starting to feel whole again with myself. I am falling in love with myself again.
No matter how hard I try, I can not express this into words. I felt as if the whole world was against me and I questioned why nobody tried to help me, and they I broke into tears realising how many forces were with me trying to help me all this long, something brought so many breakthroughs for me. I cannot be grateful enough.
Remember, what you are going through today, will make you tough like a diamond tomorrow and you will shine. Never give up, never leave hope. Time will change, it may take years, but it will.
The Pretty Smart Techie 