This has proved to be my true friend. A diary that reminds me to live each moment.
I write this one every day, empty my thoughts here. Some days when I am having too deep thoughts, it starts from the morning. Other days before sleeping.
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The more you want to be right, the more in ego you are.
Now I am not saying that there’s something wrong in being right. But there are people who always just want to be right, they will do anything to prove the other person wrong. It’s like a war for them or may give them a sense of control, or maybe power, they can go to extent of manipulation and demeaning you, just to prove themselves right.
For some people it’s so important to be right, then whenever they are wrong, it becomes an argument for them, which they want to win at any cost. ‘My way or the highway’ type of thinking. Why is it so important to be right? Because it satisfies your ego. Or maybe you never learnt what it means to argue as a team to resolve an issue and not make it a war where only one can win. For some people it’s a coping mechanism to feel safe in a relationship, to always have things their way.
It affects our relationships so much. Listening is so important but people don’t realise. This is a behavioural pattern that is also created while growing up. It happens only because of ego, learn to tame your ego and you will have better healthier relationships.
Relationships should be based on ‘In this together’ not against each other.
Think, what matters, a relationship which is win-win for both, or for only one person.
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Wondering why I think so?
The abuser is always a person who does not even know how to regulate his/her own emotions. They can not end the cycle of abuse, never. It always takes the victim to make a decision, once the victim decides, he/she can end the cycle. How?
If with a Narcissist, do not give them what they want. Don’t give them drama. If already past that stage, start showing them the mirror, the Narcissists, they fear coming face to face with their own reality.
(Showing a mirror to Narcissist or walking away, both are a form of compassion for them. Just do not engage in the drama and give them a chance of self-reflection. I know it never works, they never are able to self reflect so much, but maybe they start seeing the truth one by one, victim by victim for their whole life. And probably when they get old, they can recall what they did.)
If it’s not a Narcissist, only a toxic person, don’t engage. Don’t engage with them. They are people who are in so much pain inside, that they want to create the same reality outside. They become self-destructive.
If it’s a person who has some kind of power over you, legally. Walk away (Yes, it sounds like an escape, but read it till the end). Now you would say but then I want to prove myself, my worth, I want to take back everything that they have damaged, my image, recognition everything. But no, you do not engage. You trying to prove your worth keeps you in a cycle, that’s what they want. Instead, you acknowledge your worth on your own and leave. Move on to next phase of your life, prove yourself there and these people will get their lessons on their own.
Walking away is a power, it’s such a big power in itself. When you walk away, you show them the difference between you and them. That you are not willing to waste time on these stupid games. Always remember, walking away is power. It will save you from a lot of misery.
Take back your power, do not put your worth in their hands, do not define your worth by how they treat you. Do not wait for them to accept your worth and treat you right. You are worthy, on your own. You are an amazing fantabulous person, just as you are. Never forget your own worth.
And you never know, if you are strong enough to take this decision, maybe God will smile and give you a chance to prove yourself, just before you are about to leave. I got that chance & I love my decisions now.
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I am not asking you to stop self-reflection, we all make mistakes and have our lessons to learn. But the part that I am trying to bring light on is-
We have become so robotic, running this life’s race, that we have forgotten what real connections mean. What feeling heard, feeling loved and feeling enough means.
We need to read Instagram posts and watch motivational videos on YouTube, just to remind ourselves that “I am lovable, I can do it, I do deserve it”. We have lost touch with ourselves, so much that in real life there’s no one who tells you this.
That’s how we all live a life feeling not enough, not heard, not lovable, not deserving and then every day looks like a struggle. Everyone goes around facing problems, complaining, being sad, unmotivated, feeling miserable and some even end up creating troubles for others. Only because no one feels good about themselves.
We have created this never-ending loop, maybe it’s time we start appreciating each other, and more than that, start appreciating ourselves, loving ourselves.
I realised this when I am finally over all the negative stuff and I realise, “wow there’s nothing wrong with me, there was nothing wrong with me ever”. But why did I feel like that, because there was no one to say these words to me, and even if some people did, all those problems, all that fog leaves an impression on subconscious that there must be something wrong, otherwise why so many problems. Logically I knew it’s not my fault, but some things still enter your subconscious. Including people who were trying to make me feel like there’s is something wrong with me, all this time. I get to think that this is a problem, probably one that everyone deals with.
Just because your life is full of problems, it does not mean you are not enough, it’s just a part of destiny. So do not entangle what happens on the outside, with what happens on the inside. When you feel good inside, every day is a blessing. Love yourself.
What we talked about here is a deep inner child wound and needs healing.
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A confident person will never try to make anyone feel insecure, only an insecure person will.
I dealt with so many toxic people that this became my Mantra, I have it by heart. As soon as someone tries to put me down or make me feel bad about myself, I look at them and I see their value in their own eyes. It takes me minutes to realise and I don’t stay in the low state for long. Time & experiences make you tough.
Always have a bigger perspective, a person who tries to make anyone feel insecure, is insecure himself. Anyone who demotivates you, doesn’t appreciate your effort, criticizes you, is doing it because probably he can never even put the effort that you are putting in.
Have this by heart, never think twice on those negative voices, take minutes to self-reflect and learn if there is a possibility to improve, otherwise leave the situation there. Do not waste time arguing with stupid people, set boundaries and leave.
They ain’t paying your bills, you ain’t gotta pay them your mind. ✌🏻 Don’t take that shit & own who you are.
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I have been working on myself very hard for 3 years now and I feel it’s time to open up. I have been writing in a lot of posts that I know who I am. It’s going to be a big post but starting is more important.
I am an EMPATH. Empath is a personality type, it’s not a psychological problem, it’s actually how a person’s body and mind is structured to the level of DNA and neurons. We have heightened level of empathy, we can feel other people’s emotions in our body as of our own. Feeling other’s energies introduces sensitivity to sound, big crowdy places, heat, negative people, any kind of violence and toxic environments. It also comes with a gift of creativity and capability to heal myself and others.
I am not an exception, I know and have connected with so many creative people and youtubers who are also are also empaths. I here most of them saying that it’s just that an empath is different, but I see it as being extra ordinary (because I feel it’s time to introduce the Highly sensitives in this world as powerful and not weak). All empaths are very kind, never want to do anything wrong. Empaths are kind, generous, giving, caring but sometimes they do it at the cost of their own happiness.
Most of the empaths have strong intuition in childhood, growing up they learn to fit in the society and suppress their intuition and creativity as well. Sometimes we grow up feeling odd one out and with self-doubt of being crazy. Because we don’t know that the emotions that we feel are other people’s. Feeling anger, criticism, anxiety of everyone around is messy.
It’s very important for Empaths to be aware of what they are. Otherwise they spend most of their life in a limbo, in nihilism. We attract abusers, bullies and energy vampires because we are able to generate our own energy and we have a light because of our goodness. Our light is what attracts more abuse, being sensitive increases the affect of abuse on an empath than on any other type of person.
I have been working on myself and learnt a lot of things about myself. When empath are educated they are more powerful, strong and abuse-free. I have started becoming an empowered empath and rather than being scared of other people’s energies, now I enjoy being me.
Self love is the only thing which saves every empath from a lot of things. It makes us empowered and in control of our emotions. Not only I practice self-love, but it has also become my essence now.
I don’t see being sensitive as a flaw, it makes me different. I feel sensitive to nature, animals, children and people in need and want to help them. Which I don’t thing is a negative quality. My sensitivity brings me so many blessings.
I was waiting for the right time to share this with people, because I needed to be in an empowered state before sharing it. I know there is a chance of people reacting negatively to this. But now I am ready to deal with it.
I have also been going through an spiritual awakening since the time a completely accepted that I am an empath. First it was like an emotional awakening, when I remembered my deep self that I have been hiding. I learnt to love myself, to admire my own uniqueness, to appreciate myself for coming out strong through so many things. Then suddenly all my unconscious fears started coming up, I learnt that it is the “dark knight of the soul” phase that I am going through. Where all my qualities that were suppressed and all the fears that were introduced to me by my surroundings/society. After working on most of them and the big fears, I started blossoming and being happy. It was a feeling of bliss which I had never experienced.
Next I found myself changing psychologically, creatively and in every aspect of my life. Now I just be myself and get in flow with life. It’s like I am blossoming, and sometimes it gets scary because it’s new to me. But it’s still an expansion for me. I am becoming what I was meant to be and I am happy about it.
I am still a work in progress and still do get more realisations every now and then. I still have a lot to explore about myself and life. Sharing my journey with the world is also a part of loving myself unconditionally and fearlessly.
Thanks for bearing through this long post.
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The Pretty Smart Techie 