This is such a great feeling, it’s like an awakening, a realisation of becoming more of myself, who I am meant to be.
Repeat after me “it’s only me who has to be comfortable with my emotions, nobody else, it’s only me who has to accept all parts of myself, nobody else”.
I experienced this whole my life, some 30-50 abusive people told me like 100’s of times that I get defensive. I never learnt to own that part of myself. Because it was a bulk of people, so I thought they might be right. But they weren’t. It might be right for somebody else but not for me.
If someone’s attacking my value, my worth, I freaking want to defend myself. Why won’t I? Who is someone else to tell me about myself and then again tell me that I cannot even defend. I want to defend myself, I don’t want to wait for some prince charming to come and rescue me, I want to do it myself.
I had a toxic ex ghost me, ignore me, block me everywhere and tell me that it’s my fault coz I get angry. Like what we’re you expecting me to be. Women who are used to being limited, tried to make me adjust. Toxic bosses who want to ruin my reputation and say everything that is not true about me and want me to stay silent. Why?
Perhaps when someone’s lying, the biggest threat to them is someone who speaks up, takes a stand for themselves and tells the truth on their face. Other people would come and tell me I should not be defensive, mostly men. I guess they feel threatened if a woman knows how to use her masculine energy.
I really love this feeling of being me. It’s making me think why I didn’t do it earlier. I want to say to every toxic person, that if anyone would try to threaten my value, my worth, my people, my work or anything that I put my time and effort into, I would get defensive. Why won’t I want to be defensive? What’s wrong in it.
Damn, I love this part of me, I don’t mind defending myself, because I speak the most truth when I am defending.
It may be an imperfection to someone, but I love this imperfection. I am so going to own this part of me from now on.
One of my Gurus taught me to work hard in silence, let your success make the noise.
He was my English teacher and really worked hard on my writing and speaking the language. I topped the class, but he appreciated me for always being humble to all my classmates, and I learnt that is the right way to live .
Never compare yourself to anyone around. Every person is different and perfect in it’s own imperfections.
Don’t get caught up in the cycles of trying to win over people that you envy, just to make your self feel better again. Work on the part that you feel is lacking in you.
It’s very bad karma to try to lower someone else, who has done nothing wrong and is happy. Trying to put obstacles in someone’s happy life, shows your inner miseries. Better just work on yourself then working on winning the race.
And moreover you can save yourself from so much pain if you just learn to not compare yourself with anyone.
Forgive yourself for the past and encourage yourself for the future. Never loose Hope.
You don’t have to be strong to make brave choices. And trust me you will feel so much better about yourself after successfully executing your brave choices.
Do you want to empower people for your own sake or because it’s your heart’s calling? Do it right.
When I say I want to empower others, I believe that they have the power within, it just needs to come to the surface. I don’t want to mentor anyone to make them dependent on me, but to make them a warrior, who can fight for herself/himself, without my help.
Everyone has great powers with them, no one is weak or anyone’s slave.
In a way, some people try to project it on the whole world that everyone else except them is weak. This is not people-pleasing, it’s because they feel weak inside and they are running away from their own truth so they project it outwards. Ultimately, they end up projecting it onto others that they are weak, instead of empowering them.
P.S. I am planning to do a Q&A for my next YouTube video. Do ask your questions in the comment section.
This photo is from 2016 when I tried to do full makeup for the first time. I went with whatever I had, compact powder, lipstick, BB cream, eyeliner and lipstick as a blush. I did have a small eyeshadow palette from some local brand, used a sheen shade for highlighting. No foundation, no concealer.
My sister helped me with the pictures, she is the best it comes to my photoshoot. When I was going through my drive searching for old photos I realised one thing, fake friends never click good pictures of you, they want to look better than you. (You just got one more fake friend tip, always beware of the Queen-Bees . They want to be the queen of the group, they will often brag that they are so nice, but in reality those girls are always mean to everyone if you look deeply. )
As you know I dealt with a lot of abuse and jealous people, I learnt to see through them with time. So I am going to share a tip here, people have different nature, but it works most of the time.
A jealous person often tries to make you insecure, so that after you feel insecure, your performance will decrease and finally he can be happy that he was able to get you down.
A lot of time they do it by sugarcoating. Now I have good self-worth, but some people don’t get that part. So they try to motivate you, ( to demoralise indirectly), it’s easy to identify a fake compliment if you know yourself. They will pick something that you do not feel bad about, and try to motivate you about that. And you will be wondering like did I really need motivation in this area or is the other person dumb. Nop, they are not dumb they know what they are doing, they are trying to input a new insecurity into you, which you actually didn’t have earlier.
They will be like don’t give up, 50 times in your face, when you are like yeah fine, get to the next point, please. Some people do these because they are push-overs, but most of the time it’s out of jealousy. After you start involving in the conversation and be like yes I think I do have this self-doubt, they will start trying to control you, now they will give you advice which ultimately has only one meaning, that you make limited moves, that you remain limited.
This is a good way of manipulation, a lot of Narcissists use it. This is how you fall in love with a Narcissist and think that they are a saviour in your life, but after few months or years, you start feeling as if you were always demeaned by this person.
I happen to have many funny incidents like this, where I say it to their face that I know how people try to demoralise by sugarcoating. My intuition just takes over me to ask these shitty people to leave. And you can see it on their faces.
They often make you do something and then later show that they are doing better. Because they did not follow the same suggestion, but you took the bait.
The solution is to cut off contact with them. Show them that you know who they are, you may want to act dumb with a Narc though.
Please like, comment, share and let me know if it helped you. Don’t forget to follow my blog for more such posts.
Able to see the silver linings now. Believe in God!!!
First time I was abused, I thought it’s my fault. The second time I was abused I was confused. The third time I was abused I knew I am different.
By the third time, my psychic abilities started growing because spirit/God wanted to protect me. I learnt enough psychology too, to understand that it’s not my mistake. They are predators. I was told I am good at nothing, but I knew there must be something special about me.
I was told it’s my fault that I get abused every time, I knew it’s for a bigger reason. I have been trained to lead, to make the right choice and stand for it, in such hostile environments, that I can face anything now. It made me a warrior.
I learnt to never let anyone tell me who I am, coz I know who I am. I want to help people who suffer the same things that I did.
This time I don’t mind if someone copies me. Alone I could make only a few 10 warriors, but together we can make 100’s of them. Those who will not let anyone abuse their power, those who will stand for the right thing. Those who will be the change to create a new world.
I am not scared to say such big words because my vision is this big and it’s not going to change.
God is there and I believe in it. I have faith that nothing or no one can break. It made me who I am so that I can do what I am meant to do. They tried to ruin my career, now they will see a new career is born out of that.
Please like, comment, share and let me know if it helped you. Don’t forget to follow my blog for more such posts.
The shadow is about what parts you have rejected of yourself, when you were told by someone else, your environment and your society that it’s not good to be different, strong or opinionated. It’s just about your rejected characteristics, you decided to keep them in a box inside you but never use them. And possibly, all characteristics out of those were not as bad as someone told you, just to keep you suppressed and in control.
When you integrate your shadow-self back within you, after that there’s no shadow anymore, it all becomes you. You can love all parts of yourself and not be afraid of anyone’s disapproval. You just need to accept yourself, let everyone else do there bid. You love yourself completely, regardless!!. Shadow work is not only about integrating your rejected parts back, but also about looking at your own wounds, accepting them and healing. When you work on your wounds, you also get to see all of your subconscious fears and insecurities. So shadow work is a lot more than anyone can think, it’s the ultimate self-development.
Dark Night of the soul and shadow work come hand in hand. When your soul hits the dark night, you cannot run away from shadow work anymore. It makes you question everything, everything that social conditioning taught you. The journey is painful, but after going through it, you can experience ultimate fulfilment.
Self-acceptance is a must for self-love. And when you accept your shadow also as your own SELF, you become an empowered individual.
Please like, comment, share and let me know if it helped you. Don’t forget to follow my blog for more such posts.
So I just took a personality test and came to know I am an INFJ-A. I started talking about that on my Instagram and ended up talking about my shadow work. I just want to share all of that into a single post on WordPress.
My personality basically is a super empath, according to me. Super Empaths are in touch with their emotions but strong individuals. Always learning, often spiritual, looked up as old souls. They learn to fight the darkness within themselves, accept all parts of themselves and have true self-love.
But you should never mess with an Empath, since they master their light and dark both sides, they can very well understand what a toxic person is capable of doing and INFJs can fight back ten-fold if they want, but they choose not to. They do stand up to abusers because bringing justice is as spiritual as you can be. They win but outgrowing their abusers. When one masters darkness within themselves, they become a Lightworker.
Now I thought people who haven’t done any shadow work for themselves, would be looking at it in a negative way. So I went down explaining more and more. To me, it’s not righteous to compare your light side to someone’s shadow side and be like oh this is a bad person. I don’t think a person who has done shadow work on themselves, is ever going to compare it with someone else’s shadow and be like “mine is better”. Shadow work always humbles you, because now you know what bad could exist within you, why would you look down on anyone else.
Empaths have a weakness to think as if the world is as good as them. They are pure-hearted and have strong moral values. Their dark side is all about having boundaries, walking away from wrong people, detaching from their abusers, standing up for themselves, seeing through people’s intentions and taking their power back. All these things are suppressed in an empath, especially rebels, Lightworkers, INFJs. They are taught by society to suppress their strong personalities.
Because of abuse, boundary violations and gaslighting, all of these start coming to surface. Suddenly they also want to fight back, need justice, the dark emotions of wanting to fight for themselves start coming to the surface. (The emotion is dark only from the victim’s perspective because of their conditioning, it’s not actually dark. Courage is a good thing.) This is when the shadow work kicks in. In some rare cases, it pushes them to a state termed “Supernova”, and that’s when they can play one step ahead of the Narcissists. But the core of an empath is purity, so very fast, their soul starts suffering the consequences. You cannot change who you are on the inside, so then they need to go for therapy, to recover from the guilt/regret/remorse. If an empath learns to fight their urges of battling the abuser, to see it as lessons, work on themselves, stop getting involved in the drama, taking their power back and outgrow their environments to overcome abuse. That’s how an empath becomes a super empath.
The Empath’s dark side is not about doing bad to anyone, but to accept that world is not all good. (Now again, I know my haters would be going like, see Empaths aren’t as pure). Before anyone blames Empaths for anything, remember that they absorb other people’s emotions, the Narcissist’s emotions too. Narcissists abuse their victims in a way, to provoke the victims to step outside of their integrity. That’s why those who overcome Narcissistic abuse, are strong people, spiritual warriors. A super empath is an empowered individual. Those who are still not able to justify, I would ask them to do their own shadow work, before raising a finger.
The shadow is about what parts of yourself you have rejected when you were told by someone else, your environment and your society that it’s not good to be different, to be strong or opinionated. It’s just about your rejected characteristics, that you decided to keep in a box inside you and to never use them. And possibly, all characteristics out of those were not as bad as someone told you just to keep you suppressed and in control. When you integrate your shadow-self back within you, after that there’s no shadow anymore, it all becomes you. You can love all parts of yourself and not be afraid of society’s approval. You just need to accept yourself, let everyone else do there bid. You love yourself completely regardless.
Empath’s shadow self has power as well as dark emotions, that’s why you think that it’s something bad. But their shadow side still has lesser dark emotions. Unlike other people (mostly in toxic people and Narcissists) who have have Empathy itself in their shadow side, which makes it worse.
It’s easier to think that the Empath, a victim of abuse is a bad person, by looking at their shadow. To me, the shadow side is about negative internal emotions, abuse puts you through that turmoil, but it doesn’t mean they take action based on those negative emotions externally. This is why this world needs more Empathy. Empathy is not the same as sympathy, it makes you able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. That is the same reason why Empaths can’t do bad to anyone or hurt anyone, even after integrating their shadow side. Because no matter what their shadow says, Empathy is still the highest emotion of them all.
Without exploring your own dark side, you can not see the dark side of others’. Empaths tend to think everyone is an angel until they get in touch with their own dark side. The shadow work is also related to “the dark night of the soul” phase when going through a spiritual awakening.
I wanted to share an example, that shadow is not all bad. So I shared something about myself. I didn’t have the emotion of jealousy ( competition jealousy for which people try to put someone down for their own good), even in my shadow side. That’s why it was so traumatizing for me to see people getting jealous, back in 2018. It took me a lot to accept that – yes, people do get jealous and you can’t do much about it. This is why, exploring your own shadow side is important, because, without it, I was able to see some things, but not able to accept them.
Don’t forget to follow my blog, if you would love to see more such content. I am a full-time blogger and eager to bring you ways to fulfil your soul.
When someone is in depression, the first thing they need to do is get their physical health in good condition. Physical and mental health are related to each other. Here I want to talk about some common things, adding negative effects of alcohol and the importance of going for the therapy.
You need to leave any type of alcohol, drugs or addictions.
Have a healthy sleep pattern, listen to calming music.
Start exercising, meditating, meditation can also help you with grief.
Avoid unhealthy eating habits like too much sugar, too much oil. Hormones which affect feelings of happiness and sadness, go into balance because of depression, and when you don’t eat right it further increases the problem. You can start having an issue like diabetes, thyroid, which further causes hormonal imbalances and that’s how depression becomes a difficult ailment to deal with.
Make a gratitude list every day, this helps you stop feeling as if life’s no good.
Have daily positive affirmations about yourself.
Talk to a friend, share your issues with your family. I know some people are actually insensitive enough to not understand your condition and that’s what scares you. But it doesn’t mean there are no people who know what listening to shame means. Learn to talk to the right people about your problems.
Journaling, write down your thoughts every day. Once it’s out on paper, it’s out of your mind too. You don’t have to think the same thing over and over again.
Get fresh air, travel, take a vacation for yourself, sometimes watch refreshing movies, relax.
Have some hobbies to keep yourself busy and relaxed, or do something you love to make yourself happy.
Focus on self-care and self-love.
When you are in depression, you can lose a sense of boundaries, some people become exploitative and some become suppressed. So have a clear mind about what behaviours you want to have and what behaviours you don’t.
Get a regular health check if possible, sometimes multivitamins can help. When I started changing my eating habits, my body was resisting so having multivitamins only for 20 days helped me a lot. I could feel the difference in my health.
Don’t try to escape your problems, with too much work, too much alcohol, too much gaming, too much dating, too many movies, too many desserts, toxic positivity etc.
Last but not least, get a therapist. Therapy really helps you identify your issues and work through them. A listening counsellor can actually help you with your shadow work. You do not need to worry about how they will treat you, it’s a therapist’s job to make you feel comfortable to talk about your problems. They do it gradually over sessions, slowly trying to help you see your problems, just like peeling layers of an Onion, one by one.
In psychology, there is a term “transference”. When you talk to a therapist, even surround yourself with wise people. You learn emotionally healthy behaviours, setting boundaries and decision making through how they deal with their problems. That’s why getting therapy always works. You learn a lot of rational thinking behaviours from your therapist too. Choose a good therapist, you can easily search online and find a therapist with good ratings. A right therapist will try their best to not put you on unnecessary medicines.
Some people are unaware but depressed for their whole life, because they were never taught – how to regulate their emotions and thoughts. May be these facts will help you understand the importance of having good emotional intelligence.
P.S. I was dealing with depression myself, till a few months back. And I tried to share everything that I learnt with my depression. Please give it a read and share across. If not you, someone around you could be dealing with it. Awareness is all it takes.
Please like, comment, share and let me know if it helped you. Don’t forget to follow my blog for more such posts.
The Pretty Smart Techie 