Tag: trauma

A letter to people from my past

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Everyone knows how much I have been through but I am finally learning to completely forgive people who did wrong to me. Except those who don’t respect women and I have still not found a reason to forgive harassers. It’s a crime and it will be.

I walked away from all of you. Some of you are still the same, some of you learnt the lesson and changed, some of you have finally started to self reflect, some of you regret how you hurt me, some of you regret all your past actions and how you kept hurting people, some of you want to restart your life from zero, some of you learnt to work on yourself when you saw me choosing myself over anything.

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It’s always the victim who has the power to end the abuse

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Wondering why I think so?

The abuser is always a person who does not even know how to regulate his/her own emotions. They can not end the cycle of abuse, never. It always takes the victim to make a decision, once the victim decides, he/she can end the cycle. How?

If with a Narcissist, do not give them what they want. Don’t give them drama. If already past that stage, start showing them the mirror, the Narcissists, they fear coming face to face with their own reality.

(Showing a mirror to Narcissist or walking away, both are a form of compassion for them. Just do not engage in the drama and give them a chance of self-reflection. I know it never works, they never are able to self reflect so much, but maybe they start seeing the truth one by one, victim by victim for their whole life. And probably when they get old, they can recall what they did.)

If it’s not a Narcissist, only a toxic person, don’t engage. Don’t engage with them. They are people who are in so much pain inside, that they want to create the same reality outside. They become self-destructive.

If it’s a person who has some kind of power over you, legally. Walk away (Yes, it sounds like an escape, but read it till the end). Now you would say but then I want to prove myself, my worth, I want to take back everything that they have damaged, my image, recognition everything. But no, you do not engage. You trying to prove your worth keeps you in a cycle, that’s what they want. Instead, you acknowledge your worth on your own and leave. Move on to next phase of your life, prove yourself there and these people will get their lessons on their own.

Walking away is a power, it’s such a big power in itself. When you walk away, you show them the difference between you and them. That you are not willing to waste time on these stupid games. Always remember, walking away is power. It will save you from a lot of misery.

Take back your power, do not put your worth in their hands, do not define your worth by how they treat you. Do not wait for them to accept your worth and treat you right. You are worthy, on your own. You are an amazing fantabulous person, just as you are. Never forget your own worth.

And you never know, if you are strong enough to take this decision, maybe God will smile and give you a chance to prove yourself, just before you are about to leave. I got that chance & I love my decisions now.

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There’s nothing wrong with you

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I am not asking you to stop self-reflection, we all make mistakes and have our lessons to learn. But the part that I am trying to bring light on is-

We have become so robotic, running this life’s race, that we have forgotten what real connections mean. What feeling heard, feeling loved and feeling enough means.

We need to read Instagram posts and watch motivational videos on YouTube, just to remind ourselves that “I am lovable, I can do it, I do deserve it”. We have lost touch with ourselves, so much that in real life there’s no one who tells you this.

That’s how we all live a life feeling not enough, not heard, not lovable, not deserving and then every day looks like a struggle. Everyone goes around facing problems, complaining, being sad, unmotivated, feeling miserable and some even end up creating troubles for others. Only because no one feels good about themselves.

We have created this never-ending loop, maybe it’s time we start appreciating each other, and more than that, start appreciating ourselves, loving ourselves.

I realised this when I am finally over all the negative stuff and I realise, “wow there’s nothing wrong with me, there was nothing wrong with me ever”. But why did I feel like that, because there was no one to say these words to me, and even if some people did, all those problems, all that fog leaves an impression on subconscious that there must be something wrong, otherwise why so many problems. Logically I knew it’s not my fault, but some things still enter your subconscious. Including people who were trying to make me feel like there’s is something wrong with me, all this time. I get to think that this is a problem, probably one that everyone deals with.

Just because your life is full of problems, it does not mean you are not enough, it’s just a part of destiny. So do not entangle what happens on the outside, with what happens on the inside. When you feel good inside, every day is a blessing. Love yourself.

What we talked about here is a deep inner child wound and needs healing.

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Lightworkers & Jealousy

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While writing this post I had one more title in mind -“Life of a person who has never felt jealousy”. Since being a lightworker I have never experienced jealousy.

This is one more reason that I am always focused on my growth and never comparing myself to others. This is a skill that helps me become a better version of myself every day.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bJjc-gaeUqs&feature=share

In the last three years of working on myself, 2 years went only in accepting that people can get so jealous and do something to harm others. It took me a long time to learn how does it feel to people who can feel jealousy. By the third year, I was already so traumatized that I used to be scared of people getting jealous. Because I just wanted peace, so I started dimming my light. That really put me into so much chaos, felt like God is asking me to stop doing it and then I decided to become my authentic self.

I have seen this whole my life ever since childhood, when I studying for IIT JEE, every time. Some negative people first admire you like anything. And then later they blame you for something stupid or probably enjoy your misfortune. This gives them relief from envy.

This is how big jealousy can get. I meet people every month who are highly jealous and try to trouble me or make fun of me or to traumatize me. They don’t help in time of need and be glad that I am facing some difficulty. This is the effect of jealousy, your soul level goes so low that you can not enjoy other soul being happy.

You can never be happy if you have jealousy in your heart. It burns you from the inside. It took me such a long time to understand all of this because I have never felt jealousy. Never to the point of trying to ruin someone’s life or wishing negative about them. Because I guess being an empath that’s not my nature or maybe because I see the big picture of life or could be because my soul power of purity is quite high relatively ( since I am a lightworker too).

Narcissists also try to make you feel jealous of themselves and others because jealousy is the core emotion they live in. They do it by showing off, trying to make you feel insecure and appreciating/flaunting other people around you. I have faced this so many times, every time I tried to analyse why this negative emotion of lack is rising and what it means, I reached only one conclusion that it’s a manipulation tactic and I didn’t have to do much to burry the emotion, it would just transform. Empaths can generate their own energy and transform the energy directed towards them. The only reason that I felt insecure to even a fraction was because I can absorb other’s energies or their projection upon me, it was never my original self.

Some people who are toxic, still ask me you would have done something, you deserved it, it was your mistake, why would so many people get jealous of only one person. Well I think it’s because probably I am a lightworker and knowing the fact that I got so harmed by others ( Lightworkers are meant to go to dark places, to spread light). Which in turn to a Narcissist will feel like why does she get so much attention from others, that also makes them jealous.

The right answer for why did people get jealous of me, I tried to figure it out for long time, I felt everyone was jealous of different things, but now I know the core. Jealousy is at the soul level, because I am a light being.

It’s not always positive attention that a Narcissist enjoys, but negative too. They want to be either the hero and grandiose or victim of everything, they don’t like someone else shining more than them.

Because I started connecting dots for whole my life, I started feeling like maybe it’s true that I am a lightworker. Since lightworkers have to deal with a lot of shit. Don’t worry my story is good. I always had little breakthroughs in some or the other form because I never gave up.

GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES.

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How to Thrive from Abuse | For Empaths

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This is a series of posts that I published on my Facebook page earlier. These are same video channels and concepts that helped me while I was dealing with abusers, coming out of it and healing. I will be happy if it can help even one person out there, because I know how horrible it makes you feel. Please bear with me if the writing is not that high quality in this post, because my focus is only on sharing the knowledge. It is mostly for sensitive people, codependents or Empaths, to learn how to deal with Narcissists or Narcissistic people. This process may take several months, go through each point one by one, I think to go through each of the YouTube channels week by week would be better.

1. Learn to speak up right


Let’s start our training with first being a pro at communication at work.
Dan O Connor’s YouTube channel is the best for that. Sometimes I wonder why this guy is not super popular yet. Really good at this work.

https://youtu.be/oEWhhEUP6WQ

So to save you from any kind of issues, conflicts and bullying you need to be most professional, not including your personal life at work saves you from a lot of shit.

I used to not have boundaries and hence an open person, so personal stuff goes out and troubles come in. Sometimes I was closed off but my blog did the work of revealing my personal life. Learn to keep your communication straight, so people know you can not be marked as an easy target.

About me, I am good. I have learnt a lot from my mistakes and I know how to deal with things. People know I’m not be messed up with anymore. About work, juggling two things at a time does create problems, but it becomes more if you work in a toxic environment. India it’s more, because people don’t want to kind their own work. Always choose the right company with right environment for yourself.

P.S. Indian corporate system could be improved like anything, if we all had professional communication trainings as a part of our studies or workshops. If everyone works on these things, there will be noone to taken as target and no one who is a bully. Because everyone knows the right ethical way to work. This could make everyone so productive. Yes, bullies with any kind of psychological problems can also be trained for regulated/controlled behaviour.

2. How to deal with toxic people

This is the method to Taichi away a toxic argument with any abusive person.

You can do this for the other person also, sometimes even Narcissists go into decompensating state, not arguing but highly unstable state, mostly after you show them the mirror. I used to repeat pure, loveful, peaceful, strong and powerful soul for them too. Without giving away my power, I could sometimes calm down the other person also. Why to pray for an abusive person? It’s beneficial for both people in the situation, plus you are only earning some good Karma.

https://youtu.be/oEWhhEUP6WQhttps://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=Dc_ZOjt0QFA

I use one more technique, which I learnt from Brahmakumaris, if you know Rajyoga, it’s pretty easy. Imagine yourself as a point of light in your forehead between the eyebrows, and repeat I am a pure loveful peaceful soul.

I love Meredith Miller’s channel, learnt quite a few things from here. Her work is simple and easy to understand, plus doesn’t get you addicted to binge-watching videos on Narcissism. Her content is always on point.

3. Let’s make it a bit lighter


I love Sacha Slone’s all videos.. she is awesome, makes it so light-hearted. When I was being abused watching her videos was always kinda making me happy again. She always reminds that you have power in all situations and to not give your power away. After all, an educated empath is a Narcissist’s biggest nightmare.
Yup, I am saying that I am the biggest nightmare in some people’s life, even after being a lightworker. Coz that’s what I am meant to be, I show them the mirror they don’t want to see. What else could bring the change?

https://youtu.be/uhRyH2B41xI

I remember one video about “how to have fun with your Narcissist”. Don’t try it if you know that it could bring you more trouble if backfired. But I did try to test if my perception of someone being a Narcissist is correct or not… it worked. After facing so many Narcs it’s not that difficult for me to figure out who is who.. and since I have healthy boundaries now, some toxic people who want to put in the effort, I still do talk to them. Because I set clear expectations like if they do this or that, I will not take it and it will be over. That’s what I mean by training a toxic person to have the right behaviour towards me.

“You always teach people how to treat you, by how you treat yourself.” Don’t let people treat you like shit, don’t reward the behaviour, otherwise they create a perception that you are meant to be treated like this.

Just always respect yourself first, always love yourself first. Set boundaries, don’t give your power away. Don’t keep accepting wrong behaviour from people just to avoid confrontation or to avoid hurting someone.

This video is about how Narcissists make themselves look like a victim. Because actually they do twist the reality in their head, that’s what their disorder is all about. Even intelligent people can get fooled, because they cannot sense the lies. How can you catch the lie, if the other person believed it’s actually true. So Narcissist go around, smearing about you to everyone, that you are a bad person. And then you see the backlash from everyone, not only the Narcissist, without knowing what happened. Hence Narcissistic abuse don’t always come from only one person. But actually from a group of people. Which is called scapegoating, I was scapegoated hell lot of times, being lightworker. Scapegoating means to project insecurities of everyone of a group on a single person.

I put this video intentionally so people realise what I was facing who were in the dynamic of being turned against me by a Narcissist. Everyone must have heard that I am fake, when I am not.

4. Work on your fears

After working on all the things in my life, changing perspective about my career, my relationships, my health. Coming out of depression when all the problems were finally over. This was the last fear that I had to face.


This is from Candace van Del’s channel. I love all of her videos. When it comes to working on fears, you may generally be thinking about the fear of failure, rejection or betrayal. But there so many fears that anyone can have at the subconscious level. So here’s a list of few :
Fear of abandoned, fear of being trapped, fear of not being heard, not being seen, fear of annihilation, fear of death, fear of rejection, fear of betrayal, fear of the unknown, fear of being different, fear of being called crazy, fear of being misunderstood, fear of being judged, fear of being laughed at. And the last one fear of abandonment and enmeshment.

https://youtu.be/T-LBeHVhvMA

I knew and understood everything how my subconscious programming made me to hide my authentic self. But I was still scared to show the real me to the world. I had a fear of –
“If I show the original me, will I have to loose all the people in my life who I love. But if I don’t do that then I will have to keep living the same old life and it would suffocate me again”

Sit was more like fear of being left out in the cold for shining my light. So I understood how my mind is trying to trick me to not step into the greater possibilities out of fear. And I chose to work through it. And I feel everyone can see the change in me.

Conclusion- only way to work on fears is to just identify that this is a kind of fear that I have. After you address it. It will still come out the next time you face the same situation, but you will tell yourself that “no, this is just a fear. I want to do new things and explore, with hope.” That’s all you need to do and you will notice the fear itself will leave after one or two strikes.

5. Empaths in Recovery

This guy’s channel is great for recovering empaths..

https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=tb6pxGK6mF8

This was the only place where I learnt how my nervous system needs to calm down first and then my mind can.

Just recommending it for any Empaths or highly sensitive people.

6. Codependency recovery & Self-love abundance

So if you have been following the last 5 posts. Now you would be at the right state of mind to learn about this one. Ross Rosenberg has created a definite approach for codependency recovery.

What is codependency? If you are an empath, there might be a slight chance that you also deal with this. It’s more like a trait, not a disorder. It’s just that you depend on other people’s opinion of you, you choose to be with abusive people than being alone, people-pleasing, always keep others above yourself on the priority list.

https://youtu.be/mMPaKJfrZrA

This happens because most of the empaths, do not have boundaries. And because of their empathy, they think other people are also as good as them. But that’s not the reality, abusive/toxic people use your Empathy against you to manipulate you. And day by day they hit at your self-respect, self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence. So if you do not learn to love yourself first, being an empath you are always going to get stuck in this dynamic. This is why Empaths attract Narcissists around them, once you are healed Narcissists can still come around. But their behaviour will piss you off quite fast, you cannot stand someone stepping on your boundaries.

Empaths can be of three types healthy, codependent or proud helpers (Abdul Saab’s channel). The proud helper has a good probability to move towards codependency. When I started learning about spirituality, empathy all these things, I made helping people my purpose, which still is. But I did not do it the right way, so I moved towards codependency. Then I had to cut off all those people who were toxic and had to set boundaries, learn to say NO again, learn to keep myself first be again. Kept practising this and I was out of depression too. The process took only 4-5 months (not 1-1.5 years as mentioned in the video, I feel you can transform very fast when you are spiritual, or maybe the psychologist just wanted to keep the timeline very general) to make myself better and later all was just gaining my complete confidence back.

Including this channel with all other video channels that I have shared, will do the work. You will have a complete guide to recover from any type of issues, especially if you are a sensitive person.

It is very useful content, quite useful for Indians, as in India we treat codependency as a value. Which should not be the case, it doesn’t bring you happiness. When you move from self-love deficiency to self-love abundance, you heal, you become happy, you enjoy mutual relationships and live a happy life. You stop caring about anyone else is going to think, all you think about is what makes you happy. ☺️

P.S. I am proud to say that I am a healed & empowered empath. We are called super empaths & we know how to use our gifts for humanity.

This was the first series, I will probably add one more on confidence coaching & self-love on how to become confident again after abuse.

Thank you for reading it till the end. If you have any queries, let me know in the comment section.

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You are not your PAST

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This one actually I realised over time. People still try to see me as the person I was a year back or two years back or three years back. Sometimes even five to ten years back. I try to tell them that I have changed. It feels like I have been changing everyday, this is how a self-improvement journey looks like. You keep improving and there’s no end to it, there is always so much to explore about life.

Let’s take this the other way. I first thought of sharing my past on the blog and then I feel like there’s no need because people need to know the new me that I am now, not the old me. I have completely changed and this new person is so much better than what she used to be. I feel proud of her. I respect the old one because she fought through all of her struggles and never gave up. My past made me the person I am now, so I accept it. But now I am totally different.

There’s one more side of this coin. Sometimes we keep living in the sorrow of what happened years back and don’t realise how much time has passed by. Everyone needs to pull themselves back into the present. Life is always about the present, not about the past or future.

Don’t let your past define you. Your self-worth is not dependent on it. Always pull yourself back from the past, into the present.


Today is not the same as yesterday.
Tomorrow will not be the same as today.

Thank you for reading it till the end. If you have any queries, let me know in the comment section.

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Own your truth

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You know your truth and truth doesn’t need to be proved.

Truth is more powerful than time. Time works out in a way that the truth reveals itself.

Always speak your truth and own it. People who do not face what you face, live what you live, are not equipped to tell you about yourself.

When you finally find who you are, never let anyone walk you out of it about their definition of you. People can be entitled to their version of you, but it does not mean you have to make it your reality. You do you.

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Never seek validation from people about your own story

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This is a raw and straight forward write. I am so freaking tired of people telling me that I was never abused and it’s all just in my head.

Really!! Did I do all the healing work and forgive all my abusers and turned my pain into creativity so this pain doesn’t go outward into the world, only to hear that nothing ever happened.

Every time I tried to speak up and seek help that I am being bullied, mobbed, abused, used, misused. I was told that I am overthinking, I have a complex, I have a victim mentality, I am a difficult, negative, toxic person, its a conflict and everyone’s favourite “I am too sensitive”. It was a lot of times the authority which did so. It’s not called authority, it’s called false authority where people try to use their power for their benefit and to suppress others. But no, not anymore. Because I left everything behind, everything that could overpower me to suppress my voice.

People come and ask me what happened to me, what all I faced, I open up and in return I don’t get even a single sentence of empathy but all the shit that it was my fault. No it was not. I didn’t deserve to be treated like that, no matter what. No human deserves to be treated like that.

People, sorry not people, abusers, they abuse you but don’t want to take self responsibility. Because they will have to agree to feel the shame if they did, the same shame that they were running from and abusing others.

I am not giving anyone power to come and tell me that it never happened or I asked for it or I deserved it or it’s because something’s wrong with me. Because it’s not the truth. I’ve never asked for approval or validation from anyone on if I was actually abused or not. Abuse is done to make you feel like you are the problem, when actually it’s the other person. Why should I accept it, to be treated like trash and to take someone else’s garbage as mine.

Everyone of us, who has been abused sometime in our life by someone we probably loved and cared for. We need to look them in the eye and tell them that this happened to me and I didn’t deserve it. You need to fix your shit and if you can’t, then atleast don’t expect me to take it anymore.

This post may not get that many likes, but may be it will turn some people towards self-reflection. May be some people will realise what our so called system can do to a person and why it needs to be changed.

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