Tag: toxicity

How to know if someone is a true soulmate?

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Let’s talk about a very common manipulation tactic that I observe often in Bangalore/metros.

People are educated so they need some advanced technique. When you meet someone new, suppose while getting shared cab or maybe at a grocery store, on a trip or just somewhere random. A lot of time same gender people, who start talking randomly coz they saw you with no boundaries. And in some time they are like we must  be soulmates/soul sisters/ soul family etc.

That’s a Narcissistic person trying to score new people/supply who can believe in their false image.

Beware of the trap. Soon they will show their true self which will not match with the first interaction you had.

Just like there are false twin flames, there are fake soulmates too.

You don’t have to think like “oh I am unhealed, so my soulmates should be unhealed ones too.” Nop, that does not happen. When soulmates enter your life, either something magical happens or you have a family type of vibe with them, or they might teach you something to put you on the right path.

Also soulmates come with spiritual love to help you grow spiritually, and you know it’s a different feeling than you generally have, even with friends. Soulmates are a lot of times people who were once your spirit guides or your closed ones in past life. This is why people keep talking about past life, when you meet a soulmate sometimes there might be past life karma needing to be resolved initially. But karma with a karmic account is a lot different than karma with a soulmate. With soulmates, karma is only to teach each other lessons that you had agreed to, before coming here, with compassion & unconditional love, not by abuse like Narcissists.

Don’t trust anyone who just says they are your soulmate. Often jealous, abusive toxic people use this manipulation tactic and soon they start hitting your self-esteem, violating boundaries, identify theft, mirroring etc. Always wait for some time for the person to reveal if they are really your soulmate.

Toxic people try to find the happiness externally so they look out for people with such labels.

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It’s always the victim who has the power to end the abuse

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Wondering why I think so?

The abuser is always a person who does not even know how to regulate his/her own emotions. They can not end the cycle of abuse, never. It always takes the victim to make a decision, once the victim decides, he/she can end the cycle. How?

If with a Narcissist, do not give them what they want. Don’t give them drama. If already past that stage, start showing them the mirror, the Narcissists, they fear coming face to face with their own reality.

(Showing a mirror to Narcissist or walking away, both are a form of compassion for them. Just do not engage in the drama and give them a chance of self-reflection. I know it never works, they never are able to self reflect so much, but maybe they start seeing the truth one by one, victim by victim for their whole life. And probably when they get old, they can recall what they did.)

If it’s not a Narcissist, only a toxic person, don’t engage. Don’t engage with them. They are people who are in so much pain inside, that they want to create the same reality outside. They become self-destructive.

If it’s a person who has some kind of power over you, legally. Walk away (Yes, it sounds like an escape, but read it till the end). Now you would say but then I want to prove myself, my worth, I want to take back everything that they have damaged, my image, recognition everything. But no, you do not engage. You trying to prove your worth keeps you in a cycle, that’s what they want. Instead, you acknowledge your worth on your own and leave. Move on to next phase of your life, prove yourself there and these people will get their lessons on their own.

Walking away is a power, it’s such a big power in itself. When you walk away, you show them the difference between you and them. That you are not willing to waste time on these stupid games. Always remember, walking away is power. It will save you from a lot of misery.

Take back your power, do not put your worth in their hands, do not define your worth by how they treat you. Do not wait for them to accept your worth and treat you right. You are worthy, on your own. You are an amazing fantabulous person, just as you are. Never forget your own worth.

And you never know, if you are strong enough to take this decision, maybe God will smile and give you a chance to prove yourself, just before you are about to leave. I got that chance & I love my decisions now.

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An educated empath is a Narcissist’s worst Nightmare

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Did you think empaths have to be scared of Narcissists? It can be the other way around, once the Empath learns their worth.

When empaths learn to love themselves, their self-worth, to discern between fear and intuition, to trust their intuition, to set boundaries and educate themselves over the same single pattern all the Narcissist use every time, they become empowered.

Start your journey today and in some months you will learn to set boundaries, that will itself save you from a lot of Narcs. Psychologists use the term “supply” for a Narcissist’s victims. A good supply is someone who helps the Narcissist inflate his/her ego, gives them validation that they need and lets them have control. If you know how to set boundaries, you will fail a Narcissist as a supply, in the starting few interactions.

Narcissists want to manipulate everyone to feed on their insecurities, so they observe the victim in starting stages of the relationship, that’s the love bombing stage. They will show themselves as the gratified immensely good person they are and how the world is always bad to them. An educated empath in turn, also observes the Narcissist in these starting stages.

If you learn to use your intuition right way and trust it, it will always protect you. I am an intuitive person too, my intuition always tries to tell me something whenever I need protection and I utilise my intuition.

If you educate yourself on Narcissism and your own behaviours that keep you stuck with Narcissists, you will soon learn to come out of the toxic cycle faster with less drama. All Narcissists are scared of being shown the mirror, of their false self-image being broken and educated empaths can do it. Show a Narcissist how inflated their ego is, and they are nowhere close to what they think of themselves.

Using boundaries, you learn to show a Narcissist that all the good qualities they see in themselves are yours, and all the insecurities that they try to project on you to harm your self-worth and keep you stuck in that fog, are all his/her insecurities.

The Narcissist then discards the supply and moves on to a new victim. If you don’t do this, they will anyways discard you after sucking you dry out of the love for yourself, when they have completely ruined you and stolen your identity, they leave, you are not useful to them anymore. They will leave you completely broken & shattered, when you are looking up to them, hoping that they will change. But they don’t change, they know you have sensed that they are not what they were pretending to be, so they leave. They give themselves excuse by saying that you are not as good, positive, energetic person now as they thought you were. Soon you will be out of sight – out of life for them like you never existed for them.

By having boundaries, you can instantly become Narc-repellent. Also, self-love is the only cure to Narcissistic abuse, one day you reach that level of self-love that your happiness comes first than the Narcissist’s, and you become an empowered empath.

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Don’t sacrifice for people, they know what they are doing

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You think people are hurt and don’t know what they are doing.. They do know it somewhere deep inside, but they choose not to take responsibility for what they do. Just to hide from guilt, regret, shame or being responsible for something.

We take adjustment in relationships to next level, when we think they are not able to realise something. But actually we need to let them realise and do their inner work. You can not save somebody from this pain, by sacrificing on your side. The same pain leads them to grow into a better person.

There is always a limit on what can be forgiven and what can be adjusted. Hurt people, hurt people. It works when you want to forgive someone, but does not if you keep letting someone cross your boundaries.

Any sort of relationship works well only when both sides meet each other half way.

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Toxic People Cluster Together

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Misery loves company and so do toxic people love each other’s company.

All my Narcissists always came with groups, I thought I should try to explain to the manipulated people about what’s happening. But the truth is always known already. There is always only a mear numbers of people who are manipulated, others stay in the dynamic by choice. Why, they enjoy other’s misery anyway. This is why there is never a need to explain yourself, the right people will stick to you anyway.

Always stay away from toxic people, because all they gonna do it try make you also miserable, so that they can someone like them. People who don’t give you anything in terms of love, care, time and attention. But only take, take and take, are not right for you. They will always let you down in long term. Some will be with you because they envy you, some because of your status & money, some to steal your shine, some to smother you, some to make you feel bad about yourself.

If you surround yourself with people who are all miserable, you will become like them one day. These are the people who try to bring you down when you start o grow. Always choose right people for yourself. It’s better to be alone than being with wrong influence. You become like the top 5 people who you spend your most time with.

Thank you for reading it till the end. If you have any queries, let me know in the comment section.

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Never seek validation from people about your own story

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This is a raw and straight forward write. I am so freaking tired of people telling me that I was never abused and it’s all just in my head.

Really!! Did I do all the healing work and forgive all my abusers and turned my pain into creativity so this pain doesn’t go outward into the world, only to hear that nothing ever happened.

Every time I tried to speak up and seek help that I am being bullied, mobbed, abused, used, misused. I was told that I am overthinking, I have a complex, I have a victim mentality, I am a difficult, negative, toxic person, its a conflict and everyone’s favourite “I am too sensitive”. It was a lot of times the authority which did so. It’s not called authority, it’s called false authority where people try to use their power for their benefit and to suppress others. But no, not anymore. Because I left everything behind, everything that could overpower me to suppress my voice.

People come and ask me what happened to me, what all I faced, I open up and in return I don’t get even a single sentence of empathy but all the shit that it was my fault. No it was not. I didn’t deserve to be treated like that, no matter what. No human deserves to be treated like that.

People, sorry not people, abusers, they abuse you but don’t want to take self responsibility. Because they will have to agree to feel the shame if they did, the same shame that they were running from and abusing others.

I am not giving anyone power to come and tell me that it never happened or I asked for it or I deserved it or it’s because something’s wrong with me. Because it’s not the truth. I’ve never asked for approval or validation from anyone on if I was actually abused or not. Abuse is done to make you feel like you are the problem, when actually it’s the other person. Why should I accept it, to be treated like trash and to take someone else’s garbage as mine.

Everyone of us, who has been abused sometime in our life by someone we probably loved and cared for. We need to look them in the eye and tell them that this happened to me and I didn’t deserve it. You need to fix your shit and if you can’t, then atleast don’t expect me to take it anymore.

This post may not get that many likes, but may be it will turn some people towards self-reflection. May be some people will realise what our so called system can do to a person and why it needs to be changed.

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