There’s a difference between playing the victim and actually being the victim. Truth hurts!!
Until the victims blames themselves for what happened to them, they can’t heal. The victim has to acknowledge that what happened to him/her, wasn’t her fault. And it was someone else’s fault and also say it on their face.
Speak your truth. Noone has the right to change your side of story.
It’s time to get serious in life, to find that #determination for yourself.
If you want to be successful in your career, you need to work hard to achieve your #goals. You need to work on your mental health, you need to heal your past wounds, you need to make amends with people in your life and have a work-life balance. Every great person was made out of these qualities.
Fear of abandonment is the first thing which is common in both Narcissists and codependent Empaths. It keeps them both stuck in a toxic cycle.
Codependents take abuse only because of their fear of abandonment. Narcissists manipulate people, so when they sense that their mask is falling off and the victim can see it, they escalate the abuse.
Fear of abandonment makes people not trust, not be in touch with their emotions and run away at the slightest chance of abandonment. Where it gets difficult is maybe there is no one even thinking about abandoning the person, but they will keep reacting to their own fear and ruin a stable relationship. It causes a lot of inner turmoil to accept the truth.
This fear makes you feel like even good things are too good to be true. It’s an inner child wound and most of the time it comes from childhood trauma. The person needs to do inner child work, work on self-love and improve the self-talk, replace negative thoughts with rational thoughts & positive affirmations. And sometimes let that fear become real, let someone abandon you, process all your emotions that come after it for once, the fear will be gone. Time heals everything.
I know it’s easier said than done. But a temporary pain can heal your fears for a lifetime. You stayed with this fear for decades and it doesn’t feel good to live in fear. Let’s overcomes it for once and enjoy a happy emotional life.
All the best for your self-love and healing journey. Healing is selfless deed and Universe appreciates & supports everyone who is trying to heal themselves. When you heal, blessings will soon be revealed. Sending you love and light ο XOXOXO ο
That’s me in 2012, on my Birthday. Second-year in my college. We always had exams around my B’day but they always give 1-2 days gape between each, so I managed to celebrate it with my friends.
I studied very hard to get into a job because that time only a few would get placement in my college. I was studying electronics engineering but developed an interest in C programming by the end of the first year. In the third and fourth year, I used to go to so many coaching, twice a day after 7 hours of college. I learnt everything, programming, algorithms, microprocessors, PLCs, even tried to do preparation for GATE Examination.
Sometimes I feel I didn’t enjoy that much as my other classmates. I did get placement into an IT company, but by that time I just wanted to go for GATE/IES. But I didn’t have confidence in myself if I will be able to concentrate on study for more years. So I decided to go for an IT job because everyone said that since I love programming and I also got a job, I should.
I do regret my decisions sometimes. Out of 5 years, the last 2 years were tough as hell. Not because I didn’t know my work, but because people wanted to prove that I somehow don’t know it. I was overworked, in toxic environments. It even started affecting my health.
It took me time to accept that I am also an artistic person and can give it a try as a career. I always thought I don’t have that in me and so I wasted time in a wrong career. Last year I started to think if I want to take a job in a small city like Mysore or just give up after one more year. Came out of depression and everything exploded, I could not wait any longer to pursue my passion.
You will often hear me saying “ki I was in a wrong career for 5.5 years, I heard engineer is a creative career so I chose it. And isi bat pe sabse jyada kata hai life mein”. Jokes apart, in those 5 years I learnt so much on a personal level and a lot of skills too, looks like I was in a wrong career for a reason.
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This one just hit me. It took me a long time to learn that I am sensitive to energies. When I accepted this, it led me to accept that I am an Empath.
I was just writing my diary and feeling exhausted after interacting with other people. Whenever this happens I observe myself if it’s because of other’s energies. I thought of sharing this on my blog because it takes a lot of time (years) to learn how your body responds to energies.
If you are interacting with someone, you are in harmony with, it’s not going to make much difference, but only make you happier. This is why everyone prefers to have positive people in their life.
Next comes when you interact with lower energy/vibration people, it drains your energy too. So for a few hours even after the interaction, I can feel dull, it also gives me slight pain in my lower back, which is not my bones, but a feeling of a muscle tear. That is what happens when you absorb others’ lower energies.
Next level is a psychic attack/energy attack. Don’t take this as some voodoo stuff, it’s very common for empaths. Suppose if you are in a troubling relationship with a toxic person, going through a rough phase, most of the time both people are thinking about each other, so this creates an energetic cord if some negative energy is coming highly directed towards you. You are going to feel it. It feels like a pain in the back area, sometimes up to the neck.
For clearing your energy, you can reduce interactions with negative people, meditate, relaxing music, have healthy foods to keep you in good energy. You can also take relaxing hot water baths, use sage smudging sticks, go outside and have a walk. Walk barefoot on the grass and ground yourself. One simple way is to say, “it’s you energy, not mine”, to detach. Do a 5-minute mediation in the morning to protect yourself with a bubble of white light.
This is why it gets exhausting for empaths to work in toxic environments. If it’s regular, it starts affecting their eating & sleeping habits. Productivity, mental, emotional and physical health.
You think people are hurt and don’t know what they are doing.. They do know it somewhere deep inside, but they choose not to take responsibility for what they do. Just to hide from guilt, regret, shame or being responsible for something.
We take adjustment in relationships to next level, when we think they are not able to realise something. But actually we need to let them realise and do their inner work. You can not save somebody from this pain, by sacrificing on your side. The same pain leads them to grow into a better person.
There is always a limit on what can be forgiven and what can be adjusted. Hurt people, hurt people. It works when you want to forgive someone, but does not if you keep letting someone cross your boundaries.
Any sort of relationship works well only when both sides meet each other half way.
Do you feel that people will not allow you to be your best version? It’s just a self limiting belief, a mental block and a subtle example of victim consciousness.
I have been through this too, I was scared if people will be able to accept me being my best version or not. Now I realise I was actually scared of myself, because I had never been the great person that I had the potential to become.
If you think people will not let you live your best life, probably you have too many toxic people in your life & you might need to start removing them from your life. Because they might want you to be stuck with them in misery when they see you growing. Learn to give yourself priority and set boundaries straight with them.
For the bigger picture, the whole world, everywhere on this planet earth, everything operates on two things – control & fear. If you are going to wait for people to give you permission to become free, fearless and authentic. That’s never going to happen for real, so it’s only you who can give yourself permission to be your best, no one else can. Learn to give yourself permission. Don’t wait for people to validate you, just do it.
People who love you truly, will appreciate the change. Most likely everyone is going to love you more than you expected. Toxic people will start seeing what God has ordained on your life & leave you alone. You will also get a chance to let go of what doesn’t serve you anymore, by looking at people who don’t like the change in you.
When you become your authentic self, every aspect of your life, all your relationships will transform for good.
The Pretty Smart Techie 