Me 2012 | Story time

That’s me in 2012, on my Birthday. Second-year in my college. We always had exams around my B’day but they always give 1-2 days gape between each, so I managed to celebrate it with my friends.

I studied very hard to get into a job because that time only a few would get placement in my college. I was studying electronics engineering but developed an interest in C programming by the end of the first year. In the third and fourth year, I used to go to so many coaching, twice a day after 7 hours of college. I learnt everything, programming, algorithms, microprocessors, PLCs, even tried to do preparation for GATE Examination.

Sometimes I feel I didn’t enjoy that much as my other classmates. I did get placement into an IT company, but by that time I just wanted to go for GATE/IES. But I didn’t have confidence in myself if I will be able to concentrate on study for more years. So I decided to go for an IT job because everyone said that since I love programming and I also got a job, I should.

I do regret my decisions sometimes. Out of 5 years, the last 2 years were tough as hell. Not because I didn’t know my work, but because people wanted to prove that I somehow don’t know it. I was overworked, in toxic environments. It even started affecting my health.

It took me time to accept that I am also an artistic person and can give it a try as a career. I always thought I don’t have that in me and so I wasted time in a wrong career. Last year I started to think if I want to take a job in a small city like Mysore or just give up after one more year. Came out of depression and everything exploded, I could not wait any longer to pursue my passion.

You will often hear me saying “ki I was in a wrong career for 5.5 years, I heard engineer is a creative career so I chose it. And isi bat pe sabse jyada kata hai life mein”. Jokes apart, in those 5 years I learnt so much on a personal level and a lot of skills too, looks like I was in a wrong career for a reason.

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How do you know if you are energy sensitive?

This one just hit me. It took me a long time to learn that I am sensitive to energies. When I accepted this, it led me to accept that I am an Empath.

I was just writing my diary and feeling exhausted after interacting with other people. Whenever this happens I observe myself if it’s because of other’s energies. I thought of sharing this on my blog because it takes a lot of time (years) to learn how your body responds to energies.

If you are interacting with someone, you are in harmony with, it’s not going to make much difference, but only make you happier. This is why everyone prefers to have positive people in their life.

Next comes when you interact with lower energy/vibration people, it drains your energy too. So for a few hours even after the interaction, I can feel dull, it also gives me slight pain in my lower back, which is not my bones, but a feeling of a muscle tear. That is what happens when you absorb others’ lower energies.

Next level is a psychic attack/energy attack. Don’t take this as some voodoo stuff, it’s very common for empaths. Suppose if you are in a troubling relationship with a toxic person, going through a rough phase, most of the time both people are thinking about each other, so this creates an energetic cord if some negative energy is coming highly directed towards you. You are going to feel it. It feels like a pain in the back area, sometimes up to the neck.

For clearing your energy, you can reduce interactions with negative people, meditate, relaxing music, have healthy foods to keep you in good energy. You can also take relaxing hot water baths, use sage smudging sticks, go outside and have a walk. Walk barefoot on the grass and ground yourself. One simple way is to say, “it’s you energy, not mine”, to detach. Do a 5-minute mediation in the morning to protect yourself with a bubble of white light.

This is why it gets exhausting for empaths to work in toxic environments. If it’s regular, it starts affecting their eating & sleeping habits. Productivity, mental, emotional and physical health.

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Never seek validation from people about your own story

This is a raw and straight forward write. I am so freaking tired of people telling me that I was never abused and it’s all just in my head.

Really!! Did I do all the healing work and forgive all my abusers and turned my pain into creativity so this pain doesn’t go outward into the world, only to hear that nothing ever happened.

Every time I tried to speak up and seek help that I am being bullied, mobbed, abused, used, misused. I was told that I am overthinking, I have a complex, I have a victim mentality, I am a difficult, negative, toxic person, its a conflict and everyone’s favourite “I am too sensitive”. It was a lot of times the authority which did so. It’s not called authority, it’s called false authority where people try to use their power for their benefit and to suppress others. But no, not anymore. Because I left everything behind, everything that could overpower me to suppress my voice.

People come and ask me what happened to me, what all I faced, I open up and in return I don’t get even a single sentence of empathy but all the shit that it was my fault. No it was not. I didn’t deserve to be treated like that, no matter what. No human deserves to be treated like that.

People, sorry not people, abusers, they abuse you but don’t want to take self responsibility. Because they will have to agree to feel the shame if they did, the same shame that they were running from and abusing others.

I am not giving anyone power to come and tell me that it never happened or I asked for it or I deserved it or it’s because something’s wrong with me. Because it’s not the truth. I’ve never asked for approval or validation from anyone on if I was actually abused or not. Abuse is done to make you feel like you are the problem, when actually it’s the other person. Why should I accept it, to be treated like trash and to take someone else’s garbage as mine.

Everyone of us, who has been abused sometime in our life by someone we probably loved and cared for. We need to look them in the eye and tell them that this happened to me and I didn’t deserve it. You need to fix your shit and if you can’t, then atleast don’t expect me to take it anymore.

This post may not get that many likes, but may be it will turn some people towards self-reflection. May be some people will realise what our so called system can do to a person and why it needs to be changed.

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