Tag: Narcissist

Fear of Abandonment

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Fear of abandonment is the first thing which is common in both Narcissists and codependent Empaths. It keeps them both stuck in a toxic cycle.

Codependents take abuse only because of their fear of abandonment. Narcissists manipulate people, so when they sense that their mask is falling off and the victim can see it, they escalate the abuse.

Fear of abandonment makes people not trust, not be in touch with their emotions and run away at the slightest chance of abandonment. Where it gets difficult is maybe there is no one even thinking about abandoning the person, but they will keep reacting to their own fear and ruin a stable relationship. It causes a lot of inner turmoil to accept the truth.

This fear makes you feel like even good things are too good to be true. It’s an inner child wound and most of the time it comes from childhood trauma. The person needs to do inner child work, work on self-love and improve the self-talk, replace negative thoughts with rational thoughts & positive affirmations. And sometimes let that fear become real, let someone abandon you, process all your emotions that come after it for once, the fear will be gone. Time heals everything.

I know it’s easier said than done. But a temporary pain can heal your fears for a lifetime. You stayed with this fear for decades and it doesn’t feel good to live in fear. Let’s overcomes it for once and enjoy a happy emotional life.

All the best for your self-love and healing journey. Healing is selfless deed and Universe appreciates & supports everyone who is trying to heal themselves.
When you heal, blessings will soon be revealed. Sending you love and light  XOXOXO 

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Narcissists are LAZY

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So everyone knows I know many Narcissists from my past and with time I have been able to observe them.

They are lazy.. they are damn lazy.

They would tell me not to learn a new thing or try my hands on it, coz I am already doing a lot of things. They even call me fickle minded. Someone first please tell me in which scripture it is mentioned to only have one talent, not more. Why do people go like oh, you are already doing too many things, why would you do one more. It’s simple, I want to do it. My brain wants to expand.

Then after trying to tell you not to do something or putting obstacles, they go do the same thing. Well, what is it now? You trying to steal my ideas?廊

So this is a repeated story with all the Narcs. Some moved to writing, others to blogging, healthy food blogging, motivational speaker, craft, art, Youtubing, makeup artists. So in three years, I had gained a lot of competitors around me. Not like I compete with anyone, but they wanna compete with me.

But I don’t bother much. Why? Because they always give up, they freaking give up. They can’t keep doing the same thing with determination for long. Narc or toxic, they start doing it out of jealousy. They get some admiration, some likes, some ego boost and they think they did it better. So alright, time to chill. And then after some time they get jealous of something else, someone else. They pick up another hobby & the story continues.

On serious note, if you ever deal with a Narc boss. You only have to do one thing. Stick to your plan, work hard, achieve your goals and show them that you don’t give up. Coz, today they may look like having control over you, playing with your self-esteem. But after sometime, they will anyways get bored, but you won’t. You will still keep putting the hard work. They can only do manipulation tactics to distract you, but you can achieve whatever you want. Coz all Empaths have a growth mindset, they are intelligent and they don’t give up.

Narcs always lose, because they are lazy.

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It’s only you, who needs to accept yourself, no-one else

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This is such a great feeling, it’s like an awakening, a realisation of becoming more of myself, who I am meant to be.

Repeat after me “it’s only me who has to be comfortable with my emotions, nobody else, it’s only me who has to accept all parts of myself, nobody else”.

I experienced this whole my life, some 30-50 abusive people told me like 100’s of times that I get defensive. I never learnt to own that part of myself. Because it was a bulk of people, so I thought they might be right. But they weren’t. It might be right for somebody else but not for me.

If someone’s attacking my value, my worth, I freaking want to defend myself. Why won’t I? Who is someone else to tell me about myself and then again tell me that I cannot even defend. I want to defend myself, I don’t want to wait for some prince charming to come and rescue me, I want to do it myself.

I had a toxic ex ghost me, ignore me, block me everywhere and tell me that it’s my fault coz I get angry. Like what we’re you expecting me to be. Women who are used to being limited, tried to make me adjust. Toxic bosses who want to ruin my reputation and say everything that is not true about me and want me to stay silent. Why?

Perhaps when someone’s lying, the biggest threat to them is someone who speaks up, takes a stand for themselves and tells the truth on their face. Other people would come and tell me I should not be defensive, mostly men. I guess they feel threatened if a woman knows how to use her masculine energy.

I really love this feeling of being me. It’s making me think why I didn’t do it earlier. I want to say to every toxic person, that if anyone would try to threaten my value, my worth, my people, my work or anything that I put my time and effort into, I would get defensive. Why won’t I want to be defensive? What’s wrong in it.

Damn, I love this part of me, I don’t mind defending myself, because I speak the most truth when I am defending.

It may be an imperfection to someone, but I love this imperfection. I am so going to own this part of me from now on.

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It’s always the victim who has the power to end the abuse

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Wondering why I think so?

The abuser is always a person who does not even know how to regulate his/her own emotions. They can not end the cycle of abuse, never. It always takes the victim to make a decision, once the victim decides, he/she can end the cycle. How?

If with a Narcissist, do not give them what they want. Don’t give them drama. If already past that stage, start showing them the mirror, the Narcissists, they fear coming face to face with their own reality.

(Showing a mirror to Narcissist or walking away, both are a form of compassion for them. Just do not engage in the drama and give them a chance of self-reflection. I know it never works, they never are able to self reflect so much, but maybe they start seeing the truth one by one, victim by victim for their whole life. And probably when they get old, they can recall what they did.)

If it’s not a Narcissist, only a toxic person, don’t engage. Don’t engage with them. They are people who are in so much pain inside, that they want to create the same reality outside. They become self-destructive.

If it’s a person who has some kind of power over you, legally. Walk away (Yes, it sounds like an escape, but read it till the end). Now you would say but then I want to prove myself, my worth, I want to take back everything that they have damaged, my image, recognition everything. But no, you do not engage. You trying to prove your worth keeps you in a cycle, that’s what they want. Instead, you acknowledge your worth on your own and leave. Move on to next phase of your life, prove yourself there and these people will get their lessons on their own.

Walking away is a power, it’s such a big power in itself. When you walk away, you show them the difference between you and them. That you are not willing to waste time on these stupid games. Always remember, walking away is power. It will save you from a lot of misery.

Take back your power, do not put your worth in their hands, do not define your worth by how they treat you. Do not wait for them to accept your worth and treat you right. You are worthy, on your own. You are an amazing fantabulous person, just as you are. Never forget your own worth.

And you never know, if you are strong enough to take this decision, maybe God will smile and give you a chance to prove yourself, just before you are about to leave. I got that chance & I love my decisions now.

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How Narcissistic friends react when you decide to leave them

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I was gaslighted by one more Narcissist and it made me step out of my integrity. That’s how they make you feel when you call their behaviour out. That’s why it’s always better to block them rather than trying to make them talk through the problems rationally. Because they are not rational at all. They just try to Gaslight you, to make you step out of integrity so that they can get some lie to tell themselves and others, against you. And also to dump their shame on you.

All a Narcissist is a toddler who never got the right emotional intimacy from their parents. All they know is how to get things done by their toddler tantrums. When you tell them you want to end things or call their behaviour out or demand more effort from them. They don’t go into a state of self-reflection and apologize but turn into a toddler who wants his toy back, who wants you to behave his way. They go into the state of “you are such a bad person, you are the devil, why are you doing this to me, you are hurting me”. Because now his fear of abandonment is standing in front of him, his biggest fear which turns these adult children into an abusive person. And if they can’t get their way, they want to abandon you, before you abandon them.

They go on blaming you for not understanding that they are different, and how you are doing wrong, how you are not giving them freedom for being themselves, how their priority is work and not you, and how they should be able to suppress you. And all you do is ask them one question if they talk to you only twice a year, and friendships are not even their priority, nor even our priorities match, nor it’s a mutual friendship, then why do they have a problem letting you go? They will also blame you for not trying to meet them personally in years, in return for their little efforts to even talk to you and always ignoring your phone calls.

Can you see how the flow of conversation goes from once they are sorry to next time they are blaming you, from once they are not ready to change and next time they want you to change according to them. That’s Gaslighting. To put so many ups and downs of emotions in your brain that it can’t understand what’s happening and gives up into reacting, the reaction that they want from you. So that they can later clarify themselves as you were the wrong person, and that’s why it did not work. That’s called blame-shifting, it’s again a manipulation tactic. My old school friend even flip flopped from saying that it’s my caring nature because of which we always talk about his miserable life and not me, to saying that I should not be wanting to help people because people don’t want help. He even used projections on me and when I confronted him about that behaviour, he said it’s rational, to project his thinking onto others because everyone thinks others are also like him. Now, this was not a rational thinker at all.

My ex school friend really tried to make me feel insecure, he said people don’t need anyone to help them, they want to learn their lessons on their own. Okay so then don’t follow my blog, no one is forcing you to. But don’t you dare snatch my dreams away and snap on my life purpose. Do you think this kind of people can ever be true friends?

On my bday these toxic people came back, bringing my energy down on my Birthday, I spent 3 hours helping these people to sort themselves. That’s what they do, they use every opportunity to score their supply back, they use all festivals, anniversaries, birthdays, Christmas, Diwali, new year, all occasions. But all the conversation still remains about them and not sharing happiness, they can’t see people being happy on Christmas/Diwali also, because they themselves can not experience the emotions of true happiness. When they come back by making excuses and fake stories, it’s called hoovering, their attempt to come back and check on you if you are still holding boundaries with them or now your guard is down after the Silent treatment of some days. Strangely, in my case, as I am an empowered empath now, the silent treatment is never on me, I actually decide to not give in to their toddle tantrums and silent treatment. What they want to happen is you to plead them for forgiveness, for their own mistakes. I never fall into this trap, because I can see through the bigger picture now.

I also tried to cut cords a few weeks back, with the same three people who were trying to come back. By chord cutting, you pull your energy back and they can sense it on an energy level, so they try to manipulate you again into their dirty mind games. And look at me, I was wondering why these people are back even after cutting chords, are they not the wrong people? They were just trying their last bit on me, I hold my ground and finally got rid of these people.

This school friend blamed me for leaving him behind because I have outgrown. Is that even a thing for real? With my true friends, I never had to question our friendship to such level, to check if we are still resonating with each other or not. They were there for me when I was fighting depression, giving me hours a day, they stuck with me through my “dark night of the soul” phase and celebrated all my happiness together. They were the pillars who held me from falling off in those tough times. Never left my side, no matter what and always supported me, never ever tried to make me feel insecure, even once, I am talking about 10 years of friendship. This is what real friendship is, your true friends grow with you, never feel jealous of you, always work through all the issues, never make you feel like you are not a priority in their life.

In the end, I said he ‘N’ word. Finally, I said, “I am used to these arguments with Narcissists, so he should not think that I don’t know what he is trying to do”. Then this guy just blocked me after blaming me for ruining his day where I kept insisting through the whole conversation to not argue and end it peacefully. So finally I had a grand finale with one more Narcissist yesterday. Taking time to recharge myself after so much Gaslighting and fighting the emotional manipulation.

All these Narcissist have a common tactic to use words from my own blog to make me feel insecure. I am in this field for 4 years now got enough experience, and got used this behaviour also. They keep tabs on my words, I keep a tab on them. Uhh.. they all have the same single pattern, which can not change, ever.

That’s what all the Narcissists do. Some toxic people ask me I must have done something to attract so much trouble and why so many Narcissists come after me. The answer is, I do, I trigger them. Whenever I posted something related to psychology, Empaths and Narcissists. Some of the other people thought it’s about them and started giving me a difficult time. I struggled to learn why they misunderstood me, the post was not about them. Later I learnt to see their true faces. They know themselves better than anyone else. They sense that I might have discovered who they are, so they discard me and start all the scapegoating, manipulation and ruminating me for being a fake person.

I am still trying to replenish my energy and heal from that. But what we need to do here is not give in to the drama again. Every time an empath goes back to a Narcissist, next time he will be discarded in a far more cruel way than the last time. This is the time to use your head over your heart, empaths. Because the Narcissist is also playing games with the head only they don’t have a pure heart as you do. Hold your ground, and show the Narcissist that you will not give in to their mind games, and they will leave you, to look for another supply.

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An educated empath is a Narcissist’s worst Nightmare

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Did you think empaths have to be scared of Narcissists? It can be the other way around, once the Empath learns their worth.

When empaths learn to love themselves, their self-worth, to discern between fear and intuition, to trust their intuition, to set boundaries and educate themselves over the same single pattern all the Narcissist use every time, they become empowered.

Start your journey today and in some months you will learn to set boundaries, that will itself save you from a lot of Narcs. Psychologists use the term “supply” for a Narcissist’s victims. A good supply is someone who helps the Narcissist inflate his/her ego, gives them validation that they need and lets them have control. If you know how to set boundaries, you will fail a Narcissist as a supply, in the starting few interactions.

Narcissists want to manipulate everyone to feed on their insecurities, so they observe the victim in starting stages of the relationship, that’s the love bombing stage. They will show themselves as the gratified immensely good person they are and how the world is always bad to them. An educated empath in turn, also observes the Narcissist in these starting stages.

If you learn to use your intuition right way and trust it, it will always protect you. I am an intuitive person too, my intuition always tries to tell me something whenever I need protection and I utilise my intuition.

If you educate yourself on Narcissism and your own behaviours that keep you stuck with Narcissists, you will soon learn to come out of the toxic cycle faster with less drama. All Narcissists are scared of being shown the mirror, of their false self-image being broken and educated empaths can do it. Show a Narcissist how inflated their ego is, and they are nowhere close to what they think of themselves.

Using boundaries, you learn to show a Narcissist that all the good qualities they see in themselves are yours, and all the insecurities that they try to project on you to harm your self-worth and keep you stuck in that fog, are all his/her insecurities.

The Narcissist then discards the supply and moves on to a new victim. If you don’t do this, they will anyways discard you after sucking you dry out of the love for yourself, when they have completely ruined you and stolen your identity, they leave, you are not useful to them anymore. They will leave you completely broken & shattered, when you are looking up to them, hoping that they will change. But they don’t change, they know you have sensed that they are not what they were pretending to be, so they leave. They give themselves excuse by saying that you are not as good, positive, energetic person now as they thought you were. Soon you will be out of sight – out of life for them like you never existed for them.

By having boundaries, you can instantly become Narc-repellent. Also, self-love is the only cure to Narcissistic abuse, one day you reach that level of self-love that your happiness comes first than the Narcissist’s, and you become an empowered empath.

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Sensitives are here to show this world a new way of living.

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People look at highly sensitives and empaths as weak. But they are not.

Some may believe that a sensitive person is triggered easily, but it is not the case. Most of the sensitive people trigger others. They show you your own shadow aspect and what needs to be healed. The same reason why Narcs are always after empaths.

Some look at it as, you need to be careful around a sensitive person about how to talk, how to behave, but it’s actually teaching you a right way of behaviour, it shows you your own patterns, coping mechanisms and reached you an emotionally healthy way of being and respecting boundaries.

Sensitives are not weak, it’s only them, who are so much in touch with their emotions. That they can do the work to heal themselves and others too. “They have what it takes”, to go inward, sit with the pain, observe all the emotions and work on them. They can transmute the energy that comes towards them and bring high vibrational energies into their environment. They have the strength to break the chain of negativity, pain and generation of Ancestral trauma.

Empathy is all that it takes to self-reflect, become self-aware, learn self-love and reach self-fulfilment. You are not awake if you don’t have empathy. A lot of great spiritual teachers define awakening by one quality that is humility. No matter how many spiritual practices you do, but if empathy and compassion are missing, you still have a lot to learn.

Most of the Lightworkers, starseeds, healers, earth Angels, highly spiritual people i.e. all high vibrational souls are highly sensitive. They are here to teach everyone a high vibrational way of connection and relationships.

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Toxic People Cluster Together

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Misery loves company and so do toxic people love each other’s company.

All my Narcissists always came with groups, I thought I should try to explain to the manipulated people about what’s happening. But the truth is always known already. There is always only a mear numbers of people who are manipulated, others stay in the dynamic by choice. Why, they enjoy other’s misery anyway. This is why there is never a need to explain yourself, the right people will stick to you anyway.

Always stay away from toxic people, because all they gonna do it try make you also miserable, so that they can someone like them. People who don’t give you anything in terms of love, care, time and attention. But only take, take and take, are not right for you. They will always let you down in long term. Some will be with you because they envy you, some because of your status & money, some to steal your shine, some to smother you, some to make you feel bad about yourself.

If you surround yourself with people who are all miserable, you will become like them one day. These are the people who try to bring you down when you start o grow. Always choose right people for yourself. It’s better to be alone than being with wrong influence. You become like the top 5 people who you spend your most time with.

Thank you for reading it till the end. If you have any queries, let me know in the comment section.

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Don’t let others’ opinion affect the definition of you

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I’m going to explain what shadow work is. When you integrate back the hidden parts of yourself. Sometimes we hide good parts of ourselves or create false beliefs about ourselves, due to social conditioning when we are told that some of our values are wrong, we reject them too. All those parts of ourselves are rejected and that is called the shadow aspect of mind.

There was an English teacher in school, who I respected like anything and always tried to get his appreciation, never ever actually made me feel better. He would compliment other students for their potential, and not me for my growth.

In 8th standard, there was an inter-school debate. A senior student was supposed to go for it, but for some reason she backed out. So I was chosen to deliver a speech so tough. I didn’t know those words, I didn’t get time to memorize those 4 pages and now I think the speech was so long that it was actually out of the time limit that was given. So ultimately, me having not much experience on stage, with no one to encourage me at a new school and actually being under-qualified for the quality for speech that I was given. I was nervous, then I started shaking on the stage. I was scared, people were looking at me into the eye and I just completed as much part as I could and came back and cried.

So the thing is, I kept thinking for years that I have a stage fear, but actually I don’t have. It was just one more identity imposed on me by the wrong people, wrong circumstances, which was not my original self.

The teacher wanted to show his vocabulary skills instead of winning the debate and preparing the students for good. That’s what is called being self-centred. And I kept thinking for years that if he thinks I am not good, maybe I am not. But now look at me, you just completed reading the whole story & I have realised that I love being in the spotlight too.

Give up on the definitions of yourself that society has conditioned you to believe in.

Never let anyone tell you that you are not enough, you deserve less or you can not make it. You have all that it takes.

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You can not save someone from their inner demons

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No matter how much you love a person and don’t want to see them in pain, your love cannot save them for their own self.

When I started gaining insight on life, spirituality and psychology as well, I was still not in a calm state of mind, I told a lot of people a lot of truths about themselves. Sometimes unaware when I was explaining them of another person or situation, they used to take it as a criticism on themself and then I learnt about the shadow aspect of mind. I have finally stopped telling people about themselves, I see, I observe but do not offer help without asking, this also makes my life easier.

Some people who were abusive to me, I loved them like anything, tried to encourage them to improve themselves, tried to help them love themselves, but they hated me more and more and went into a lower state. Because if they were ready in the first place to self-reflect and work on themselves, they won’t be roaming around bullying or picking up at good people.

I first learnt to tell people only what they were ready to hear and as I progressed on my journey I learnt to accept them as they are. Always remember when you try to fix others, its because you are trying to derive your sense of self-worth from it, which is never going to work.

Now I don’t expect people around me to change anymore, this brings happiness and interdependence into relationships. Everyone always wants someone who can accept themselves as they are.

The only and biggest lesson I learnt in 3 years is this one. You cannot save others, no matter what. You can only provide support to those who are willing to work on themselves. You can try to encourage them without any expectation because the choice is always going to be theirs.

Yup, some people really hate me hard. As I cannot control my mouth from saying the truth sometimes, only because I care. I would rather be the big sister who shows you the mirror and let you hate me for that , than letting you create more mess in your life.

Thank you for reading it till the end. If you have any queries, let me know in the comment section.

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